ATTENTION PLS EVERYONE OF YOU ATTENTION PLS !!
FOR THOSE WHO ARE MY FRIENDS AND OFTEN VISITING MY BLOG
YOU CAN COME HERE :
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FOR THOSE WHO I DON'T KNOW YOU , BUT YOU KNOW ME , OR YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME , BUT STILL WISH TO SEE MY BLOG , YOU CAN COME HERE :
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Reason :
Now the reason why I change my blog account is because I love it. Nothing special. Pls do take your precious time and stay a visit to my blog , leave some precious comments of yours. I will be very glad to receive any comments of yours , it is my pleasure to do so , your comments will be appreciate. Thank you.
Sunday 31 August 2008
Thursday 28 August 2008
Everything will be fine.
I'm sorry.
But if is time , it is time.
Is never alone. But rather meaningful.
I will never disappear , I promise :)
Everything will be fine ...trust me. It will.
Wednesday 27 August 2008
误解，了解。
有位朋友曾经在他的部落格里这样的说过，
“人往往会因误解对方而选择了在一起，却在真正了解对方的同时而选择了分开”
他说得一点也没错。
我想，我是其中明白这道理的人吧。
不明白？问我吧。^_^
未来，真的很难予测。你从来就不会知道接下来的路会怎样。
所以，在你给与其他人承诺时，必须得小心亦亦。别轻易的答应别人你那“不肯定的承诺”
结果被伤害的人，会是很多。抱括你自己。
我会明白，是因为，在这时候，我突然领悟到，在这世界上还有更多比爱情来得还重要的东西。
这念头，来得还真不合时。
我发觉，现在的我，不再需要恋爱了。
Tuesday 5 August 2008
胭脂雪
红灯笼 刚被人点亮
已落满白霜
红衣裳 雕着花的床
陈旧了新娘
容颜是种罪
青春是露水
命薄如纸世人才说美
清晨上了妆
黄昏卸了妆
有谁值得我人老珠黄
水中花怎么能开
死一回才能活过来
换一句清白
漩涡和火海
有谁值得我用力去爱
流着眼泪笑
皱着眉头忘
有谁配那句地老天荒
胭脂是红颜脸上的伤
已落满白霜
红衣裳 雕着花的床
陈旧了新娘
容颜是种罪
青春是露水
命薄如纸世人才说美
清晨上了妆
黄昏卸了妆
有谁值得我人老珠黄
水中花怎么能开
死一回才能活过来
换一句清白
漩涡和火海
有谁值得我用力去爱
流着眼泪笑
皱着眉头忘
有谁配那句地老天荒
胭脂是红颜脸上的伤
Wednesday 30 July 2008
Teacher shouldn't have involve student into their personal problem and SPICY !!
Tibo will not be online for about three weeks or more , so do I. I really need to concentrate on my studies now ~ is just few months left , waiting for STPM to arrive. So , in this three weeks , I planned for my own targets and goal , and another reason for me to do that , was that ... man , I'm really boring and lonely without him , i miss him :( ( cause is like a spell now , chatting with him everyday is a must ) , have to move my concentration to my own studies then and of course others as well. (*shy to tell that OTHERS ) muahahah ~ .
SO , I was heading to school today , and when I arrived , as usual nothing much happen , except by saying HI !! to Ong's sister. Then I head to my own class , and saw Yap , Soon , were both sitting there , eating and talking ( that's what they usually does all the time early in the morning ) Desmond was there as well , talking craps again :P XD !! Yap ask me to tried on her new discovery , Nasi Labu with special malay recipe of spicy chili sauce. So I did , and was very fantastic. ( I mean , the great amount of chilies ) Ever since dining with Yap , I changed into a very horrible typical spicy search vampire maniac. Trust me , you won't want to know how horrible are we both trying out those really cool and spicy meals out there somewhere in Serdang. And it somehow influenced my original taste of dining a nice , warm , non-spicy chilling meal , I totally changed , and was lovely to try out every different level of spicy chilies , or curry , or whatever they call , anything else with the touch of SPICY !!! YAY !! YAY !!
Suddenly a teacher came and stood beside the class door. She was asking for Desmond , and Desmond stood up like a man ( lol :P ) and went to her. While she was telling Desmond about something , I stare and see what's happening , of course , meanwhile talking with Yap. I wasn't really sure about the whole thing , but this morning , I do saw some junior student from the lower six came into our class and did the cleaning for us for about a week ? I ask Desmond about why and when , he told me that it was because they had lost the game during the orientation day and was ordered by the teacher , Pn.Rapidah for helping us with those cleaning in the classes. Or else they've need to pay for the lost. But they refused to do so , and they'd agree to do the cleaning for us. Ha ha , honestly I don't know why it has to be this serious anyway cause we didn't even have those so call punishment during our last year , we lost , we lost , doesn't need any punishment or stuff.. moreover , IS JUST THE ORIENTATION. Wake up pls..
But anyhow , I was clear about one thing , the teacher came to Desmond and was asking about why lower six ( who lost in the orientation ) has to do the cleaning during the class time ? One thing for sure , they never ask them to came during their class time , they choose to do that themselves , they can come anytime they want to , cause we never force them to do so , moreover , without you guys we still can do the cleaning ourselves. But teacher , the way you ask is like accusing us that we are the one who ordered them and bullied them ? Or hello ? Isn't it better if you put this blame towards Pn. Rapidah ? Cause honestly we have nothing to do with it. and that's the truth. Ok , so Desmond was the Vice President for MT6 , so as Farihan who was the PRESIDENT of the MT6 ( lagi teruk man ''-.- ) One , will have to face the teacher and another one pretend that nothing is happening , sitting there and SLEEPs ? Judge it yourself guys ~
While during recess time , we were having breakfast , Desmond told Jenny about the whole thing that happens late hour ago , and she was very very very piss off with those teacher's act and also lower six student. Her piss off level was way on high man , way on high , I never saw her that piss before ... This was the first time I saw Jenny pissing off herself until the whole Canteen could hear her voice , some friends of hers surrounded her and all discuss together about this matter ( or shall I say... gossip ? ) :P and she was really angry , till she rolled her tears out. Woah.. I see... now I understand ... When you eagerly give others a hand for help , but they didn't appreciate , instead of that , they still accusing you about something that wasn't even your fault , and that was even a teacher. That , could really cause you some emo , can't even get the time to calm down on any other second , just feel like complaining to your friends. I knew that , cause I have that before , that is why , until now , I was sick of those teachers who keep asking me to do favors for them. CAUSE THEY NEVER APPRECIATE.
In a nutshell , teachers shouldn't involve students into their personal / or private problem , students were always being in the middle when it cames to teacher's between teacher's personal problems. You guys should see properly about who shall be the one who has to be pay the responsible for the faults , teacher , is just a job , Doesn't mean you are a King or a Queen. Pls be fair , and play fair. We students doesn't have any time for your stupid black dark moron stupid meaningless fucking teacher's politic's games .Until then , Thank you.
Yay ~ Soon drived us to Somewhere located infront of the SK school for spicy Pan mee !! muahaha !! XD !!
SO , I was heading to school today , and when I arrived , as usual nothing much happen , except by saying HI !! to Ong's sister. Then I head to my own class , and saw Yap , Soon , were both sitting there , eating and talking ( that's what they usually does all the time early in the morning ) Desmond was there as well , talking craps again :P XD !! Yap ask me to tried on her new discovery , Nasi Labu with special malay recipe of spicy chili sauce. So I did , and was very fantastic. ( I mean , the great amount of chilies ) Ever since dining with Yap , I changed into a very horrible typical spicy search vampire maniac. Trust me , you won't want to know how horrible are we both trying out those really cool and spicy meals out there somewhere in Serdang. And it somehow influenced my original taste of dining a nice , warm , non-spicy chilling meal , I totally changed , and was lovely to try out every different level of spicy chilies , or curry , or whatever they call , anything else with the touch of SPICY !!! YAY !! YAY !!
Suddenly a teacher came and stood beside the class door. She was asking for Desmond , and Desmond stood up like a man ( lol :P ) and went to her. While she was telling Desmond about something , I stare and see what's happening , of course , meanwhile talking with Yap. I wasn't really sure about the whole thing , but this morning , I do saw some junior student from the lower six came into our class and did the cleaning for us for about a week ? I ask Desmond about why and when , he told me that it was because they had lost the game during the orientation day and was ordered by the teacher , Pn.Rapidah for helping us with those cleaning in the classes. Or else they've need to pay for the lost. But they refused to do so , and they'd agree to do the cleaning for us. Ha ha , honestly I don't know why it has to be this serious anyway cause we didn't even have those so call punishment during our last year , we lost , we lost , doesn't need any punishment or stuff.. moreover , IS JUST THE ORIENTATION. Wake up pls..
But anyhow , I was clear about one thing , the teacher came to Desmond and was asking about why lower six ( who lost in the orientation ) has to do the cleaning during the class time ? One thing for sure , they never ask them to came during their class time , they choose to do that themselves , they can come anytime they want to , cause we never force them to do so , moreover , without you guys we still can do the cleaning ourselves. But teacher , the way you ask is like accusing us that we are the one who ordered them and bullied them ? Or hello ? Isn't it better if you put this blame towards Pn. Rapidah ? Cause honestly we have nothing to do with it. and that's the truth. Ok , so Desmond was the Vice President for MT6 , so as Farihan who was the PRESIDENT of the MT6 ( lagi teruk man ''-.- ) One , will have to face the teacher and another one pretend that nothing is happening , sitting there and SLEEPs ? Judge it yourself guys ~
While during recess time , we were having breakfast , Desmond told Jenny about the whole thing that happens late hour ago , and she was very very very piss off with those teacher's act and also lower six student. Her piss off level was way on high man , way on high , I never saw her that piss before ... This was the first time I saw Jenny pissing off herself until the whole Canteen could hear her voice , some friends of hers surrounded her and all discuss together about this matter ( or shall I say... gossip ? ) :P and she was really angry , till she rolled her tears out. Woah.. I see... now I understand ... When you eagerly give others a hand for help , but they didn't appreciate , instead of that , they still accusing you about something that wasn't even your fault , and that was even a teacher. That , could really cause you some emo , can't even get the time to calm down on any other second , just feel like complaining to your friends. I knew that , cause I have that before , that is why , until now , I was sick of those teachers who keep asking me to do favors for them. CAUSE THEY NEVER APPRECIATE.
In a nutshell , teachers shouldn't involve students into their personal / or private problem , students were always being in the middle when it cames to teacher's between teacher's personal problems. You guys should see properly about who shall be the one who has to be pay the responsible for the faults , teacher , is just a job , Doesn't mean you are a King or a Queen. Pls be fair , and play fair. We students doesn't have any time for your stupid black dark moron stupid meaningless fucking teacher's politic's games .Until then , Thank you.
Yay ~ Soon drived us to Somewhere located infront of the SK school for spicy Pan mee !! muahaha !! XD !!
Tuesday 29 July 2008
When you're gone.. T.T
Let us sing ~
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie , is made on your side.
When you walk away , I count the steps that you take
Did you see how much I need you right now ?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you....
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do..
Reminds me of you.
And the clothes you left , that lie on the floor
And they smell just like you , I love the things that you do ~
When you walk away , I count the steps that you take
Did you see how much I need you right now ?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing to
When you're gone the words I need to hear
Will always get me through the day...
And make it okay...
I miss you ,
We were for made each other
Out here forever
I know we were.. YEAH ~~
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breath I need you to feel you're here with me ~~ yeah ! ~~
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you....
T.T... Touching ~~
Friday 25 July 2008
Wish tibo all the best !!!
Now !! Your Highness Queen have something to announce here , about Tibo , the young brave knights of Queensland will be leaving tomorrow to full fill his own mission within this three weeks , the place where all famous killers were born , PRAGUE at Czech Republic , a killer's city , to save the whole nation from their own country. His loyalty towards Queensland will never be forgotten. For now , The Queen will send Her Highest regards and wishes to this wonderful Sexy Young Knights , for he will save the whole nation in Czech Republic and die immediately with Honor and Pleasure , in France.Young Great Knights will never live forever after he had done his first mission.He must kill himself as for a payback after his murdered.Once a Knight has did the murderer crime , he wouldn't be call Knights any longer. The Queen felt proud for Tibo's Brave action.Let us all wish for this Young Great Knights,Tibo will rest in peace forever. Hallelujah.Amen.
Thursday 24 July 2008
what happen ?
what happen ?
what happen !!?
what happen !!!!!!!???
what happen to us ? ? ? ? ?
T.T ...
WHAT HAPPEN !!!?????????????????? !!!! GOD , PLS TELL ME !!!!!!! PLS !!!!!!!!
Something wasn't right at all... what should I do ? Give me a sign pls...
what happen !!?
what happen !!!!!!!???
what happen to us ? ? ? ? ?
T.T ...
WHAT HAPPEN !!!?????????????????? !!!! GOD , PLS TELL ME !!!!!!! PLS !!!!!!!!
Something wasn't right at all... what should I do ? Give me a sign pls...
Finally !!!!!!!
Yes yes yes !!!!!!!! Finally !! Exams finished today !! Muahahaha !!! XD !!
I'll relax about a few days ,then start my war again next week ~ so for now , PLAYED !!!
Let us sing !!
" And you want him !! And you need him !!! But you act like he's not there !!
" Yeah, you know that you're hollow !! And something's missing here !! "
" So you push and you pull the hole in your soul !! But you can't make the HUNGER!! DISAPPEAR!!!!!!! "
Guitar wave >> DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! .... :p HEHE
Ladies and Gentlemen , presenting ~~ HUNGER !! FIREFLIGHT !!
I'll relax about a few days ,then start my war again next week ~ so for now , PLAYED !!!
Let us sing !!
" And you want him !! And you need him !!! But you act like he's not there !!
" Yeah, you know that you're hollow !! And something's missing here !! "
" So you push and you pull the hole in your soul !! But you can't make the HUNGER!! DISAPPEAR!!!!!!! "
Guitar wave >> DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! .... :p HEHE
Ladies and Gentlemen , presenting ~~ HUNGER !! FIREFLIGHT !!
Tuesday 22 July 2008
Gengster " SETTLE" fight.
Morning , windy morning. It feels really cold , really really cold , until I had some flu outta my nose.Today's exam , erm , ok lah ~ General Knowledge XD lack of time for that analyzing part, haiz... but most of it , was ok ~ and still can handle still. ;) muahaha
Wait till after school , Waiting for my hai dad again , I saw some cool scene :P where a bunch of Indians were fighting against Indians , how fuck =.='' usually , was Chinese fighting against other Indians and Malay. Seldom really saw those la la chai fight against their own races. But Indian's pulak ''=.= I salute them. No wonder they couldn't even cooperate together as once sometimes. So what's the point of fighting for their own rights from the country if they wouldn't even notice about their problem ? ( I saw some of my Indians so called friends , laughing against each others while they got scold by teachers , and push the responsibility to each others as well =.='' , and the worse is they could still laugh about it like a monkey =.='' )
But whatever it is , I continue on watching them , one of the Indian's member , scolded really loudly with proud... Aha , that reminds me of myself some few years ago , when I was a la la mui , and was kinda a fierce one. ( not kinda , I m -.-'' ) I knew how that Indian feels when he scolded people like that. He feels proud and cool , just like I felt from the last time. I could just scold and scold and scold non stop with all bad words , so hai lah ~ diu lei lou mou ~ fuck hai ~ zhi bet ~ so lin ~ diu nei ah xing ~ ...... ah... from that moments I realize that these words of mine sounds so ugly and yet together with the actions I had , was indeed , embarrassing. Dai gah jeh ? cheh , in a same word , HOOKER. Always , just little things happen >> wei !! go settle with them lo !! ... childish.
Oh well , I glad that is all over now. Will never turn back to that Esther anymore ;). It wasn't really a good memory anyway , So I'll just... forget about it ;)
Sunday 20 July 2008
Thursday 17 July 2008
IT'S YOU - FIREFLIGHT
Fireflight - It's You lyrics
I wish that I could break all the mirrors in my mind
The ones that lie to me and steal away my pride
I wish I could be blind to everything that haunts me
If I use my heart, I can see your face
You show me the real me
It's You that I search for
It is You I can't live without
Your hope is what I long for
When nothing's left in me
It's You
This world is always trying to take a piece of me
But You are always there to make me feel complete
If I can keep my eyes on what You have for me
I will face the truth and never look away
You'll show me the real me
It's You that I search for
It is You I can't live without
Your hope is what I long for
When nothing's left in me
It's You
When I have nowhere else to go
And I can't find my way out
Your light it comes to guide me
I can't hide
You show me the real
It's You that I search for
It is You I can't live without
Your hope is what I long for
When nothing's left in me
It's You
(2x)
Song lyrics | It's You lyrics
My presentation was a success :D :D
WahhhH ~~~ my beg feels very very heavy today ~ cause of the stupid laptop :P i have to bring the whole laptop thing , and then the battery , and then that turtle bag thing , plus all the books and stuff , then need to climb the stair until the third floor. But all is worth it , they all gave a great response on my presentation slides :D :D , really happy with that ;). But one thing , i fucking piss off with that teacher who said >> of course lah ~ you use windows microsoft 2007 , all those high tech technical animations , won't found it in microsoft 2003...
WHAT THE FUCK !?
man stupid whore ,oh pls for god's sake , if you don't understand computer , pls do not PRETEND LIKE YOU DID !! I swear !! I swear to you that Microsoft office version of 2003 did include those animations stuff as well !!!! why don't you fucking ask those student whether are they too lazy for the effects or they doesn't even realize that power point were included with those cool animations and effects as well !!!?? huhh !!? fuck you !! Just because you guys were too stupid enough to discover it that doesn't mean I'm as stupid and as lazy as you guys did , DUH !! Especially when you were a TEACHER , pls be humble !! Ask !! I can tell you that your saying was a whole version of total COMPLETE NONSENCE !! BULL SHIT !! I just don't understand why all people surround me always thought they knew everything about anything while the fact is they don't even know a fuck either. Is it hard to admit that you don't know !? cheh. HUMAN'S. Now have to please her for paying a visit to the computer lab and proven to her that Microsoft version of 2003 do have those so called high technical effects ( did you even know what's high technical effects mean ? If i was allow to use other software I wouldn't even choose Microsoft you dork ) SEE SEE SEE ??? Why makes it so hard !? AHHh !! SUCKS !! Yeah yeah yeah ~ I LOVE TO USE THE HIGH TECH ONES , SO WHAT ? CAN'T ?
Was staying inside the Koperasi now , actually i wasn't allow to go in there , but cause of Yap ( she's a cooperator , was the best still XP , with certificates proven de leh !! No kidding ~~ ) and her teacher nice personality issue , I was allow to sit inside there while surfing for the internet , wonder how ? :P Laptop and Broadband lo ~~ Next , what do I saw ? I saw Yap's stress face ~~ very very stress , like the whole Coop was under in charge by her ( what to do ? she's the best :P HAHAHAH !! XD ) then all those Coop members who had the same duty as her , can't even do a simple thing ! Keep depending on her help.... so , Yap was force to run here run there ~ And her name haha !! XD
>>" YAP !! COME HERE !! "
>> "YAP !! HELP ME !! "
>> "YAP !! YAP !!
''-.- ... MAN ! These people. What are they here for ? Yap do the whole thing lo you guys don't need to finish your duties at all lo ~ ~ so hai !!
But that actually reminds me of a scene in the library when I was 16 that year , and hold the role as the Vice President ( wah ~ yeah lah yeah lah ) for the whole library. I was really friendly though , kinda famous , every each of the library members recognize me very well. I was known as a funny , easy going , approachable person. There is one Indian girl , I ask her to rearrange certain books on the bookshelf , and every each of it must be arranged nicely following with the codes sticker. She might thought that I was joking or what , but she didn't follow my order. This shows that , people who putting too much nice personality on their work , wasn't a nice thing at all. After all , you may attract people to even like you more , but it doesn't mean that they will respect you.Instead of that , they could take advantages on you. Just like Yap.
So I was kinda unsatisfied with her work, I repeat nicely once again , and she gave me this answer : " aiya , nevermind lah ~ teacher wouldn't even notice " .... ( what ? Is this your library now ? Do you own it ? )
After hearing this complete nonsense of hers , Immediately I said : " Wah !! Like that ah ? Ok , next week you don't need to come , I will type the resign letter for you , you just need to rest well at home. "
She was confused i guess , cause she's smiling towards me , thought that i was joking as well. I turn my voice into a more serious tunes , and told her that : " Our Library don't need a lazy person like you , even just some few books you can't handle , what else you can do ? Better go home ~ don't come here and waste my time , I don't like it. ( Indeed I hate it )
The whole library turn into silence for a while , even teacher heard what I said. But I think she did agree with my act though. Then started from that day , my name was a bit spoil... Someone backstabbing me behind,I knew who was it ,but I wouldn't care anyhow.But some did agree with me , and even respected me since for that day. For me,I don't think I have any wrong in that,she was being lazy and has to be taught,I would never put my own private issues into official issues , if you did something wrong ,I have to follow the right law to proceed my duties.
Wah ~ Yap ~~ so stress look ~ don't lah ~ but man Coop's life was far more better than Librarian's , well at least they have something to deal with. Us ? Cheh , sit there lo ~ taking care of that stupid counter , arrange some books , wrap some books , fix the computer , type in codes , doing what a clerk always does. The best one for me was , scolding those public nuisance !! yay !! scold scold scold !! yay !! XD !! COOL AH !!
Tuesday 15 July 2008
I don't care.
Early in the morning. Gloomy clouds were floating all around above the sky.Cold wind came in and blew me out. A very cold morning today , suppose it should be raining then , but nope , just cold wind and gloomy weather. Same as my mood and feelings today.
Arriving at school , very tired. Wah , that presentation took me hours to finish it , damn sucks.Haiz , no choice , is for the competition , moreover , is for Soon.Don't want to disappoint her then.Promised her that I will finish it along with all brilliant effects and music. But first thing first,SLEEP. I could really sleep and forget about the class session which it will began to start , until my class teacher called out my name and making sure that if I was there.... @#$%&$^%*(*&%!!!!!
Obviously ,I was wearing yellow today , can't you see ? I just need that little time for some nap also can't cheh. While waiting for the General Knowledge teacher to come , Soon brought the laptop came and ask me to show her my erm , masterpiece :P wakakak. So I show her , but , fuck.This version of Microsoft was damnmit sucks , all my beautiful fonts and animation effects lost together with the song and all. Shit !! @#%$^*@*&#(*%*# !!!!!! Man , man !! Haiz , don't care , SLEEP. But I saw Soon's expression... she wasn't really happy though... *sigh*.... aaaiiii , ok lah ok lah ~
Me : Hey , why don't I'll bring the Laptop here tomorrow , then we could use my laptop and present it to teacher ? Cause mine has the latest Microsoft 2007 , could be better. Unlike this bariah so hai mah hai stupid version of Windows.
Soon : har ~~ ... are you sure ? Afterward your dad...scold you ?
Me : nah , won't ( actually .... erm... he will ) , I'll bring it here tomorrow ok ?
So , ok , this problem solve. Now , SLEEP.
Desmond : GOOD MORNING PN.NORHAFIZAH !
...... -.-'' FOR GOD'S SAKE !! @#$%@*$(@)*($*&@ !!!!!
Haiz... no choice loh ~ Now I really hate this teacher cause she always pay too much attention on me. Why ? Because my English got A all the time , she will purposely pick those student which she thinks , has the better English. ( Including Desmond and Prishan as well. But she will only pick Desmond for some duties , so Des has to be the slave for her. And Prishan ? She will try to make her feel ashame with her attendance all the time , but Prishan wouldn't care anyhow. )
As for me , everybody knows that I m the naughty one in classes , she pick me for that.
PN.NOR : ESTHER !! WAKE UP !!
ME : K , K .
But , when a person wants to sleep. He/She really mean it !! Can't stand it anymore , wah !! Gou li !! Still need us to finish all those stupid question. ai ai ~ So what did I do ? Still ... SLEEP LO !!
Me : wei Soon , when she came , push me ok ? Now I'll sleep.
Soon : hahah !!! *hehe* esther esther ~ ok lah , you sleep lah , she came I'll call you.
Thanks Soon ~ your the best. AHHHHHHHHH !!! SLEEP AH !! DON'T CARE !!
At last , recess time. After that Bahasa Melayu Class , lagi teruk. I still felt tired , really really tired , no mood , the whole day quiet. Haiz.. Yap ask me for a company to the library .... LIBRARY !!? YEAH !! CAN SLEEP !! But do you really think was that easy ? Really afraid that every minute teacher will wake you up , even in the library , you can't have the chance to nap , plus , there are many students inside there , really noisy , or they will stare at you if you do so. How fuck ~~ I wasn't really comfortable still. But Yap , oh Yap ~ yes Yap ~ that sweet angel girl , she offer herself to let me lean on her shoulders , and sleep , so that I could feel more comfortable on her shoulder , of course I would !! And I really had a great sleeping time , although was only 15 minutes , but I feel satisfied. Her shoulder , woah ~ really nice and soft :P XD !! Thanks Yap ;) glad to know you ;)
After school , having lunch with Soon. Then , wait for my daddy to come fetching me back. I wonder why was he so enthusiasm on fetching us this few months lately ? Who's idea was that ? THANKS TO YOU !! I have to wait for him for hours everyday !! duh !! He came , just as I thought , he scold me again for something that isn't my fault at all... *sigh* Scold lah ~ scold lah ~ scold scold scold , yay !! scold me yay !! hurray !! I don't care ~~ scold ~~
Right now , I just want to get back home , and SLEEP.
Arriving at school , very tired. Wah , that presentation took me hours to finish it , damn sucks.Haiz , no choice , is for the competition , moreover , is for Soon.Don't want to disappoint her then.Promised her that I will finish it along with all brilliant effects and music. But first thing first,SLEEP. I could really sleep and forget about the class session which it will began to start , until my class teacher called out my name and making sure that if I was there.... @#$%&$^%*(*&%!!!!!
Obviously ,I was wearing yellow today , can't you see ? I just need that little time for some nap also can't cheh. While waiting for the General Knowledge teacher to come , Soon brought the laptop came and ask me to show her my erm , masterpiece :P wakakak. So I show her , but , fuck.This version of Microsoft was damnmit sucks , all my beautiful fonts and animation effects lost together with the song and all. Shit !! @#%$^*@*&#(*%*# !!!!!! Man , man !! Haiz , don't care , SLEEP. But I saw Soon's expression... she wasn't really happy though... *sigh*.... aaaiiii , ok lah ok lah ~
Me : Hey , why don't I'll bring the Laptop here tomorrow , then we could use my laptop and present it to teacher ? Cause mine has the latest Microsoft 2007 , could be better. Unlike this bariah so hai mah hai stupid version of Windows.
Soon : har ~~ ... are you sure ? Afterward your dad...scold you ?
Me : nah , won't ( actually .... erm... he will ) , I'll bring it here tomorrow ok ?
So , ok , this problem solve. Now , SLEEP.
Desmond : GOOD MORNING PN.NORHAFIZAH !
...... -.-'' FOR GOD'S SAKE !! @#$%@*$(@)*($*&@ !!!!!
Haiz... no choice loh ~ Now I really hate this teacher cause she always pay too much attention on me. Why ? Because my English got A all the time , she will purposely pick those student which she thinks , has the better English. ( Including Desmond and Prishan as well. But she will only pick Desmond for some duties , so Des has to be the slave for her. And Prishan ? She will try to make her feel ashame with her attendance all the time , but Prishan wouldn't care anyhow. )
As for me , everybody knows that I m the naughty one in classes , she pick me for that.
PN.NOR : ESTHER !! WAKE UP !!
ME : K , K .
But , when a person wants to sleep. He/She really mean it !! Can't stand it anymore , wah !! Gou li !! Still need us to finish all those stupid question. ai ai ~ So what did I do ? Still ... SLEEP LO !!
Me : wei Soon , when she came , push me ok ? Now I'll sleep.
Soon : hahah !!! *hehe* esther esther ~ ok lah , you sleep lah , she came I'll call you.
Thanks Soon ~ your the best. AHHHHHHHHH !!! SLEEP AH !! DON'T CARE !!
At last , recess time. After that Bahasa Melayu Class , lagi teruk. I still felt tired , really really tired , no mood , the whole day quiet. Haiz.. Yap ask me for a company to the library .... LIBRARY !!? YEAH !! CAN SLEEP !! But do you really think was that easy ? Really afraid that every minute teacher will wake you up , even in the library , you can't have the chance to nap , plus , there are many students inside there , really noisy , or they will stare at you if you do so. How fuck ~~ I wasn't really comfortable still. But Yap , oh Yap ~ yes Yap ~ that sweet angel girl , she offer herself to let me lean on her shoulders , and sleep , so that I could feel more comfortable on her shoulder , of course I would !! And I really had a great sleeping time , although was only 15 minutes , but I feel satisfied. Her shoulder , woah ~ really nice and soft :P XD !! Thanks Yap ;) glad to know you ;)
After school , having lunch with Soon. Then , wait for my daddy to come fetching me back. I wonder why was he so enthusiasm on fetching us this few months lately ? Who's idea was that ? THANKS TO YOU !! I have to wait for him for hours everyday !! duh !! He came , just as I thought , he scold me again for something that isn't my fault at all... *sigh* Scold lah ~ scold lah ~ scold scold scold , yay !! scold me yay !! hurray !! I don't care ~~ scold ~~
Right now , I just want to get back home , and SLEEP.
Monday 14 July 2008
幸福其实也可以很简单。
我喜欢看张曼娟的书。每当读完了她的文章过后，很自然的，就会对人间充满了希望。觉得好幸福。
我喜欢，上网，看ｂｌｏｇ．最近，竟然给我发现了Ｘａｏ＇ｓ Ｂｌｏｇ －这位曾经是我同校同学的朋友，竟然有如此的天斌，在文学上大作一翻，显示出他所拥有的天份。可能大家的胃口都蛮一样吧，或者该说，他所写的文章都很合我们的胃口，我们大家都很喜欢读他的做品。每当坐在电脑面前，读着他的ＢＬＯＧ时，嘴角边。。都会很自然的微微笑了起来（ XAO，别误会，我并没爱上你啦 ），从而忘记了所有自认为是烦恼的小问题，变得很极积与开朗的去面对人生。我真好怀疑他的头脑是怎么来的，就从他的做品上来说吧，他所看到的，所观察到的，都跟我们很不一样。可能，某些人是有观察到一些事物吧，可是，谁能真正的像他那样领悟到其中的意思呢？好，先说明，这并不是无聊没事做，赞爽。这是事实。我相信，看过了他的ＢＬＯＧ的朋友们，也不得不像我这样好好的赞一赞他吧？我应该来一句，XAO，不得不承认，你已经成熟了许多. （ 还是你本来就是那么样的成熟？）哈哈，读他的ＢＬＯＧ，已经成了我其中的一个习惯 （ XAO！！ 写多谢！别偷懒！！ ）哈哈哈！！xD !! 每次看完了之后，都会觉得，哇 ！！真的 好幸福！！
昨天，心情很糟糕，很纳闷。看了看FRIENSTER ， 看了看IMEEM，发现了。。。T的信息。说真的，我真 不懂，应该给什么回应他。或许，还不是时候吧。
可能他看到了这个POST时会生气。但我还是要说。。。T，其实。。。我们大家都还不成熟。更别说谈什么成熟恋爱了，连什么是成熟我们都还不知道。事隔那么多天，该吵的，我们都吵了。那其中的道理呢？我们有去领悟到吗？我知道，也非常清楚。。。你要的，并不是什么年轻人，幼稚的和恋爱 ，你所要的，是那一生一世 ，我也是。可你看看我们 ，你觉得我们真的有可能吗？再这样吵下去，彼此的心 ，任何一方面都会变淡的。这一次 ，是你退一步让我 。以后呢？下一次？轮到我退一步让你吗？然后呢？再轮到你？根本。。。我们都没能够去真正了解到对方的想法。直到现在 ，我所能领悟到的，就只有 ，我们吵的话题其实大致上都一样。 你怀疑我，我怀疑你 ，到何时呢？好 ，就当作我来逃避我们之间的问题好了，我本身认为，彼此之间都应该分开不聊天好一阵子比较好，让大家好好的反省反省（或许，你该都认为你没有什么地方需要好好去反省的吧？ 我服了你。）
我真的。。。不想讨厌你。所以我选择了先退出。我为了你所做的一切，你永远都不能够好好的尝试去了解与珍惜。也许你说的对 ，你在我身边时，很可能会知道我究竟在想什么。可我却不能够保证，我在你身边时，是否也能同样去清楚和了解你的想法呢？我是一个，直肠直肚 ， 率直的女生 ，认为有某些话 ，说得越清楚越好。可我发现，每当跟你讨论一件事情的时候，本身都会产生着一种很大压力，原因？是因为你的话说得太多了，倒致到没人能够真正了解你所要表达的是什么，钻牛角尖，含糊不清，真怀疑当初你的ringkasan究竟拿了多少分 ，真是负杂到～～～～～不行。身为一个女生，我敢说 ，我为你做的，实在是太多了。认识我的朋友们 ，你们说，对吗？ 可到头来，还不是只换来了几个字说 “怀疑我的爱，到底真不真实”。你告诉我，我应当给于怎么样的反应你呢 Ｔ？是不是应该大方一点的说 ：＂哦？你还在怀疑呀？那好，我就再加把劲，努力去爱死你好吗亲爱的？”
我问你，你究竟想我怎样，你也说不出个理由来。也许连你自己本身也不知道为什麽你会对我失望，对我生气吧？还是你明明就知道，但因为了面子上的某些问题，你不想说出来？原来，男人，都是这样的。。。尊严大过天。尊严 ，比任何东西还来得更重要。我并不后悔在你身上赌注了那么多，甚至还很愿意为了让你高兴而偶尔委屈了自己的立场 ，可我很清楚的知道，宠你 ，和爱你 ，是两回事，是不一样的。我很傻，对吧？可我就是为了你 ，愿意继续傻下去。那又怎么样？你有珍惜吗？有，口头上的珍惜。行动上？。。。＊笑＊
我从来都没要求过你什么。（ 我问你，我有吗？我有吗！？ ）又不是叫你买东西给我 ，（你给我钱，我都不要！！）我只不过是要你好好的珍惜我所给你做的一切，就那么的简单。你别告诉我 ，就连要怎么去珍惜你也不懂啊？好！！ 就当作你是你不懂！！就当本小姐现在搁下所有的面子来告诉你好了！！ 就偶尔来个信息，说下你关心我，你谢谢我，你想念我。别总是等我送了给你，你才来一封，或者是等我等不到又来一封。空闲时你都在干嘛？？你很忙吗？笑什么？就当我喜欢甜言蜜语好了！！我就是喜欢！！ 那又怎样？既使你敷衍我几句我都会喜欢！！因为我懂得什么叫做自足这两个字！！我。。。很贪心吗？原来。。我很贪心哦？
你看。。你看，搞到我好像在单恋人似的。雾水情缘，暧昧情节，真的。。好难受。跟你们说他是我的男朋友，可感觉上又不怎么实在。 哟！！人家都还没认呢 ，我又怎敢说出口呢？（连想也不敢！！）因为我不想把我自己变得那么ＣＨＥＡＰ。不过这一点，我从没怪过他。很多事情，要等大家见到面时，才来做个打算。所以，如果连你自己也做不到的话，也恳请你，恳请你！！！别跟我要求那么多！！这样我会很受不了！！我会觉得我很贱很一厢情愿！！很出卖自己去犯罪！！你有考虑过我的感受吗？有吗！！？有吗！！？ 我受够了！！
在这里，我想说给大家听的是，我与T之间，是異国恋情，每当我跟朋友提起我们之间的事时，第一个反应给的就是 ：“哇！！怎么那么冒险啊？很难叻。。。” 或者好一点的则说：“好！！我佩服你的冒险精神！” 简单来说，这段恋情，困难的维持程度有超过８０％以上。可我骨子里的叛逆思维却告诉了我：“谁说没可能？我就是那第一个，只要心中彼此都有那份爱，无论遇到什么困难，天塌下来都不怕！！”
我真的好单纯。
但是。。这一份单纯，究竟还能维持多久呢？当然，我也很希望它能继续维持到最后。可现实还是的归回现实啊。。
我不想再乱撞了。我应该，放一点儿理智进去。一点点就好。
夜深人静 ，我的两个PROFILE也同时design好了。这一次的design就连我自己也都不敢相信我眼睛 ，竟然可以desigN出和平时不同风格品味出来。我觉得好有成就感，很幸福。我笑了！！ 哈哈！！^^
原来幸福，也可以很简单。我要的，就是这一份简单的幸福，简单的关怀与问候。原来，它们都难以得到。所以说，这世上的人，往往缺乏的，就是那一颗单纯与简单的心。忘了去领悟真正的意义，忘了去用心，感受这世间一切美好的事物。必经，步划太快也未必是件好事，反之，偶尔慢下脚步来，你很可能发现。。。风，是多么的温柔。。。雨声，是多么的动听悦耳。怎么？感受不到？还觉得很可笑？没办法，人家有内涵。你没有。
pls comment :
www.hamsterqueen.imeem.com
www.friendster.com/reinedessy/
Saturday 12 July 2008
是我错，你没错。
既然，我的缺点，是多不盛数的话。。好，我退出。放心，我从没怀疑过你对我的爱，我知道你是爱我的，我相信你。只是对你来说，我给你的爱，并不多，很虚拟，也不真实。很抱歉，这也是我的错。你没错。这下你可安心，你仍然完美的，而我仍然是丑陋的。这段爱情里，你赢得非常漂亮，大可跟人家说，导致这段爱情失去的，不是你，而是我。你也不必自责。因为这全是我的错。
我很累。。。不过请你放心。也给我点时间。我会好好的锻炼我自己，以致成为一个完美的情人，再回到你身边。当然，在这期间里，你也可回复自由单身的名义去寻找你认为更好的，反正我们之间，有的只是段暧昧情节，雾水情缘，我不会绑着你的，请放心。
Friday 11 July 2008
*sigh* why make it harder ?
Have a walk in mines , my mom finish her work at 7 pm , so was asked to accompany her until she finish all her job. The mines, the mines , the mines. Haiz.. for now , Is really freaking me out even though others just mentioned the name to me. Man , this place , I have visited this place for over 100 times !!!!! I worked here before , slept here before , played here before , walked here before... date here before... man ... ''=.= , is really really really boring....
After finish all the work she had asked me to do , I decided to went out and have a walk , rather than sitting there at her own company places... listening to their so call great holy rumors about others , talking about something that wasn't even logical to think about ... that's what we call in Chinese >> 三姑六婆 ， 八卦婆。Man , I don't want myself to be like them , not even decreasing my own EQ until the same level like they own. No !! no!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I walk out , and went to Living Cabin shop to see whether I could find anything else nice for my friends. Suddenly , a pair of hands appearing from behind , and wrapped around my neck and my shoulders , was shock of course , so I immediately turn my head back and see who is it , ( fucking bastard touch me !!??? ) Then i saw... him... oh dear... is ... ''=.= man .. this guy..
Anonymous : esther ~ ~ why long time didn't find me le ~~ ? bad lah you ~~ hate me is it ?
me : ( oh my God... ~ ) heh heh ... ehhh hehheh ~ where got leh ? Aiya , you.. haha no lah ~~
Anonymous : ohh ~ then forget about me lah ~? ok loh ok loh !! bye bye loh !!
Me : ehh !! ehhhh !! ehh !! no lah ~ hehehhe ( oh plsss... this is fucking crazy what am I doing actually ? ) aiya ~ where got leh ? sha lao , no lah ~ won't forget you de ~~ don't be so lah ~
Anonymous : ok lah ok lah ~ believe you lah !! muaks !! (and.. and.. kiss me on my cheeks.. ''=.=)
well , honestly ... I wasn't afraid that he kiss me or or , wrap his arms around me but... man this is my mom's place man ~ what if.. what if... those "spy" here , saw this.. then they would thought.. he was my boyfriend.. then then... how how ? My mom will certainly kill me especially , his hair... looks like... ok his hair is cool. ^^ but the worse is , my mom !! she don't like this type of hair ne !! she said it looks like la la chai !! ( but honestly , my mom didn't know anything about japanese fashion , so his hair was cool thats the fact )
we walk around ... cause if I don't accompany him for a walk , he will probably disturb me like a child ''=.=.. i don't want that geli geli things happen to me ... so we walk , and he puts his arms around my shoulder , and then to my waist , then back to shoulder , repeated the same action after every few minutes ... then we saw his friend , his friend brought a lover together with him , so Anonymous saw them holding hands with each other , immediately he pretend to be jealous and said >> cheh !! I don't have meh !? Blek !! Esther hor ~ come come , nah !! SEE! ? I have ahhh ~~ ( oh my god !! hahahahah !!!! XD soh lou !!! XD !! HAHAHA !!! ) then we continue holdings hands loh until he needs to go back.
Man... this is tiring. So when I was back to my mom's company , my mom started asking me lots of stupid question , looks like those "spy's" had discovered our "actions" , haiz... cheh.. fuck you. then we both started arguing , she kept scolding things like , erm , what don't be with him? No future lah ~ ? Marriage won't be happy lah ? ( oh my god !!!! For GOD'S SAKE !!!!! Don't think so far ok !!? Shit !! ) I can't stand this anymore then I decided to tell her the truth , rather than being accused that i have a "la la chai" boyfriend cheh !!!
me : ok lah ok lah !!!! aiyo !!! enough lah !!!! what the !! he like guys ok !!? listen !! HE LIKE GUYS !!!! HE IS A HOMO !! we both are like " sisters !! " understand !?
mom ( yeah right ) : har !? you friend with a gay !!? die loh !! I must tell this to your father !! How could you ever friend with such a person !? is dangerous you know !?
me : yeah ah !! yeah loh !! I friend with a gay ah !! so how !? Gay can't be friends ? Maybe I'm a Lesbian still ah !! You don't want me to have boyfriend mah !! Then I'll like girls loh !! ok ? !! better lah !! don't tell me that you discriminate them har ? oh ~ then it means you discriminate me loh !!? cheh !!
mom : what did you say !? Is this how the way you should talk to your own mother ? You should apologize to me instead of arguing and rebel after me !!
me : why should I? I don't think is necessary to apologize with you wor ~ wei , now you are the one who discriminating people !! then you accused me !! then you even control my life !! ok loh ~ this friends not good ? then your friends are all the greatest loh !! neh ~ those auntie ah ~ uncle ah ~~ always accusing others and then spread those stupid non wisdom false rumors about others !! good lah !? oh ~ so you mean , I should be friend with them loh hor ? I tell you !! I won't loh !!
another auntie she was passing by and saw my beg dropped from the chair , she told me about my bag and help me to pick it up , then I said thank you to her , but.. cheh
mom : why can you act sooo nice to others while you can't even speak politely to me ??
me : (man , this whore , really so hai till like that ? ''-.- ) ok , ( with a calm voice ) first of all , I do not feel sorry for you...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Me : "I pity you."
What? You thinking I'm gonna say 'I love you'?
DREAM ON! CHEH !!
After finish all the work she had asked me to do , I decided to went out and have a walk , rather than sitting there at her own company places... listening to their so call great holy rumors about others , talking about something that wasn't even logical to think about ... that's what we call in Chinese >> 三姑六婆 ， 八卦婆。Man , I don't want myself to be like them , not even decreasing my own EQ until the same level like they own. No !! no!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I walk out , and went to Living Cabin shop to see whether I could find anything else nice for my friends. Suddenly , a pair of hands appearing from behind , and wrapped around my neck and my shoulders , was shock of course , so I immediately turn my head back and see who is it , ( fucking bastard touch me !!??? ) Then i saw... him... oh dear... is ... ''=.= man .. this guy..
Anonymous : esther ~ ~ why long time didn't find me le ~~ ? bad lah you ~~ hate me is it ?
me : ( oh my God... ~ ) heh heh ... ehhh hehheh ~ where got leh ? Aiya , you.. haha no lah ~~
Anonymous : ohh ~ then forget about me lah ~? ok loh ok loh !! bye bye loh !!
Me : ehh !! ehhhh !! ehh !! no lah ~ hehehhe ( oh plsss... this is fucking crazy what am I doing actually ? ) aiya ~ where got leh ? sha lao , no lah ~ won't forget you de ~~ don't be so lah ~
Anonymous : ok lah ok lah ~ believe you lah !! muaks !! (and.. and.. kiss me on my cheeks.. ''=.=)
well , honestly ... I wasn't afraid that he kiss me or or , wrap his arms around me but... man this is my mom's place man ~ what if.. what if... those "spy" here , saw this.. then they would thought.. he was my boyfriend.. then then... how how ? My mom will certainly kill me especially , his hair... looks like... ok his hair is cool. ^^ but the worse is , my mom !! she don't like this type of hair ne !! she said it looks like la la chai !! ( but honestly , my mom didn't know anything about japanese fashion , so his hair was cool thats the fact )
we walk around ... cause if I don't accompany him for a walk , he will probably disturb me like a child ''=.=.. i don't want that geli geli things happen to me ... so we walk , and he puts his arms around my shoulder , and then to my waist , then back to shoulder , repeated the same action after every few minutes ... then we saw his friend , his friend brought a lover together with him , so Anonymous saw them holding hands with each other , immediately he pretend to be jealous and said >> cheh !! I don't have meh !? Blek !! Esther hor ~ come come , nah !! SEE! ? I have ahhh ~~ ( oh my god !! hahahahah !!!! XD soh lou !!! XD !! HAHAHA !!! ) then we continue holdings hands loh until he needs to go back.
Man... this is tiring. So when I was back to my mom's company , my mom started asking me lots of stupid question , looks like those "spy's" had discovered our "actions" , haiz... cheh.. fuck you. then we both started arguing , she kept scolding things like , erm , what don't be with him? No future lah ~ ? Marriage won't be happy lah ? ( oh my god !!!! For GOD'S SAKE !!!!! Don't think so far ok !!? Shit !! ) I can't stand this anymore then I decided to tell her the truth , rather than being accused that i have a "la la chai" boyfriend cheh !!!
me : ok lah ok lah !!!! aiyo !!! enough lah !!!! what the !! he like guys ok !!? listen !! HE LIKE GUYS !!!! HE IS A HOMO !! we both are like " sisters !! " understand !?
mom ( yeah right ) : har !? you friend with a gay !!? die loh !! I must tell this to your father !! How could you ever friend with such a person !? is dangerous you know !?
me : yeah ah !! yeah loh !! I friend with a gay ah !! so how !? Gay can't be friends ? Maybe I'm a Lesbian still ah !! You don't want me to have boyfriend mah !! Then I'll like girls loh !! ok ? !! better lah !! don't tell me that you discriminate them har ? oh ~ then it means you discriminate me loh !!? cheh !!
mom : what did you say !? Is this how the way you should talk to your own mother ? You should apologize to me instead of arguing and rebel after me !!
me : why should I? I don't think is necessary to apologize with you wor ~ wei , now you are the one who discriminating people !! then you accused me !! then you even control my life !! ok loh ~ this friends not good ? then your friends are all the greatest loh !! neh ~ those auntie ah ~ uncle ah ~~ always accusing others and then spread those stupid non wisdom false rumors about others !! good lah !? oh ~ so you mean , I should be friend with them loh hor ? I tell you !! I won't loh !!
another auntie she was passing by and saw my beg dropped from the chair , she told me about my bag and help me to pick it up , then I said thank you to her , but.. cheh
mom : why can you act sooo nice to others while you can't even speak politely to me ??
me : (man , this whore , really so hai till like that ? ''-.- ) ok , ( with a calm voice ) first of all , I do not feel sorry for you...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Me : "I pity you."
What? You thinking I'm gonna say 'I love you'?
DREAM ON! CHEH !!
Tuesday 8 July 2008
感觉。
感觉。感觉，究竟是怎么一回事呢？ 前天，有个可爱美眉问过我这一个问题。
从科学上的角度来说，感觉统合是指大脑将从身体各感官传来的感觉信息，进行多次的组织分析、处理，做出正确决策，使整个机体和谐有效地运作。大脑的不同部位必须经过统一协调的工作，才能完成人类高级、复杂的认识活动，包括注意力、自我控制能力、概括和理解能力。当大脑对感觉信息的综合发生问题时，就会使机体不能有效运作，称为感觉统合失调，主要分为平衡统合、触觉统合、本体感统合、视觉和听觉统合五大方面。。。。。
我想，没人会想用这样的方式来了解感觉的意思吧？
那到底，感觉是什么呢？
爱，是一种感觉。心痛也是。生气，是种感觉。开心也是。可是，心淡了，也算是种感觉么？这点，我并不知道。也很希望有个人可以告诉我。说实在的，其实这感觉对我来说，是门很负杂的学问，搞不懂，也摸不着。我本身，是一个很喜怒无常的女生，对感觉总是抱着一副敢碰又不敢碰的态度。时儿果断坚决，时儿犹豫不决，混乱悲观开朗清晰全都mix在一起，让爱我的人，都感觉到很痛苦很累，好气又好笑。因为他们永远都摸不着真正的我，就好像我永远都了解不到自己般的道理。当然，这也是数位朋友告诉我的事实。所以，连我自己都搞不懂自己的感觉，又怎能告诉这位美眉，感觉，是什么呢？
有人曾跟我说过，感觉。。可以变得很抽像画，也可以很真实。幻想出来的感觉，永远都比真实的感觉来的美丽，幸福。因为，它正符合了你一直以来想要的故事条件。无论是你幻想自己生气时的摸样，开心时的动作，很自然的，你就会把自己陷入一种具有戏据性的感觉之中。。从而无法自拔，再把它们带到真实生活里去，set了一个mind说：真实的感觉，也一定会这样的。可惜，真实的感觉，往往都比不过幻想出来的感觉来得更漂亮，更可爱。
就打个比例来说吧。女人都喜欢幻想，由其是面对爱情问题的时候。我不否认，我也是这样子的一个女人。
to be continue....
从科学上的角度来说，感觉统合是指大脑将从身体各感官传来的感觉信息，进行多次的组织分析、处理，做出正确决策，使整个机体和谐有效地运作。大脑的不同部位必须经过统一协调的工作，才能完成人类高级、复杂的认识活动，包括注意力、自我控制能力、概括和理解能力。当大脑对感觉信息的综合发生问题时，就会使机体不能有效运作，称为感觉统合失调，主要分为平衡统合、触觉统合、本体感统合、视觉和听觉统合五大方面。。。。。
我想，没人会想用这样的方式来了解感觉的意思吧？
那到底，感觉是什么呢？
爱，是一种感觉。心痛也是。生气，是种感觉。开心也是。可是，心淡了，也算是种感觉么？这点，我并不知道。也很希望有个人可以告诉我。说实在的，其实这感觉对我来说，是门很负杂的学问，搞不懂，也摸不着。我本身，是一个很喜怒无常的女生，对感觉总是抱着一副敢碰又不敢碰的态度。时儿果断坚决，时儿犹豫不决，混乱悲观开朗清晰全都mix在一起，让爱我的人，都感觉到很痛苦很累，好气又好笑。因为他们永远都摸不着真正的我，就好像我永远都了解不到自己般的道理。当然，这也是数位朋友告诉我的事实。所以，连我自己都搞不懂自己的感觉，又怎能告诉这位美眉，感觉，是什么呢？
有人曾跟我说过，感觉。。可以变得很抽像画，也可以很真实。幻想出来的感觉，永远都比真实的感觉来的美丽，幸福。因为，它正符合了你一直以来想要的故事条件。无论是你幻想自己生气时的摸样，开心时的动作，很自然的，你就会把自己陷入一种具有戏据性的感觉之中。。从而无法自拔，再把它们带到真实生活里去，set了一个mind说：真实的感觉，也一定会这样的。可惜，真实的感觉，往往都比不过幻想出来的感觉来得更漂亮，更可爱。
就打个比例来说吧。女人都喜欢幻想，由其是面对爱情问题的时候。我不否认，我也是这样子的一个女人。
to be continue....
Monday 7 July 2008
粗中有细最有男子气概。
粗心的男若能有一点点细致的温柔，总能让女人分外感动。
很多女人都希望男人温柔体贴，但他们也都同时欣赏有“男子气概”的男人。从理论上看来，这两件事根本就是相反的。有男子气概的男人，一定有些霸道，有些独裁，纵然他们也有温柔的一面，但要他对别人严酷，只对自己温柔，实在是女人最糊涂的大梦。
然而，有男子气概的男人是吃香的，因为粗犷豪放的他们只要流露出一点点的细心与温柔，就可以比平日斯文体贴的男人更教女人来得感动。
她和他是办公室同事，但任另一部门主管的他，做事时公事公办，威风，认真起来时很可怕，就算是女同事们做错事，他也一样毫不留情的指责，跟他撒娇耍赖都没用。
有一回，在跟他们那一部门合作时，有办公室之花的她在联络上出了一点小差错，在很多人面前被他厉声指责了两句，她躲到厕所里哭。
哭完之后，她为了补自己的错误，那晚主动配合加班到十一点多，直到公事圆满达成。她走出办公室的门时，他大步赶了上来 ：“太晚了，我送你。”
她等他从停车场把车开上来，他在她面前把车停下来，竟然从驾驶座走了下来帮她打开车门。这一个小小的举动竟然完全改写了她对他的印象，她的心像一快从冷冻厂里拿出来的奶油，迅速在这如同手电筒般微弱的温柔中溶化。
不久她就成为了爱情的俘虏，从此在他的喜怒中认命的浮沉。
她说，当我被他的霸气追赶得无处可逃时，他的一点点小温柔，有使我对他死心蹋地。或许这是命吧。
有的男人虽然外形粗犷，但很会掌握住一些小地方，收买女人的心：在女人冷的时候脱下外套罩在她身上，常比每天买礼物送她让她更铭记在心。
粗心的男人若能有一点点细致的温柔，总能让女人分外感动。这是“物以稀为贵”的永恒真理。
Sunday 6 July 2008
A day in KL
I was loosing my mood lately , was really really really sick of everything in here. So i decided to have a walk in KL and see anything changes lately , plus , MEGA SALES has started since yesterday so this would be my chance for a great shopping. After taking the bus , I straight away took the train where it stated in Serdang ( shit , waited for three times , still the train was full !!! man !! ) So , I sat there alone , and listen to some music to chill myself. Well , nice weather today , winds keep blowing , my hair keeps flowing ~ at least , i felt comfortable for while.
When I arrive KL centre , I decided to took another train to Timesquare. Bought the ticket , and walk and walk and walk until I reach the Monorail station. I saw some really beautiful European girls passing by , they looks like models. When I arrive at Timesquare , nothing much change here since last time I saw. Things were getting cheaper and cheaper for the sales, I was very excited !! :D haven't felt such enthusiasm for quite a few months. Then I went to Sungei Wang and done crazy shopping !!! muahahahahah !!! XD so happy lahhh !!! XD
Man I should bring more money lah ~ :( cheh , nevermind next week ask Soon to come out :D she would be happy ^^ ( and also force Yap to come ) !!! and of course Jian as well !! wakakakak !! :D :D oh and siong bah ~ i think :P heheheh ^^ XD I bought a pair of cool shoe , and a nice dress for my own ^^ ~ heheh ~ But still.... man something was missing haiz...
There is one shop , three sales girls , one look very cute , and another one looks cool , with short hair , while i was hanging around at their shop , man three of them were so enthusiasm with selling dresses for me , keep promoting and promoting , i don't even have the time to think which one i should buy ''=.= . But muahahah , I'm not easily being influence by your trick girl , i will control and consider properly together with my shopping list blek :P No longer than , the girl with short hair ( kinda cool :P ) wanted to play a game with me , if I can guess which one of them was the eldest , I don't need to buy any dress for them but if I fail in that game , I need to buy then. *haiz.. * Just want to shopping lah ~ what lah~ At the end , I fail. (T.T) So I buy one dress for them , cheh. I found that the girl with the short hair , seems interested with me , maybe she wants to be friendly i guess , but... she want my number... isn't that a little bit strange ? But oh well , doesn't matter much hahah ^^ is great to know more friends ( especially when she is that cute :P ) ^^ keke.
After finishing shopping , I went back home with Bus. The bus was full of passenger , luckily that bus driver found a nice place for me to seat , thanks bus driver :D. Another ticket seller , went talking to me again , he ask me lots of stuff , where do I stay lah ~ , what have I bought lah ~ and then...
ticket seller : Ah Moi ni hao liang mui ahh ~ ( ah moi means girl girl in chinese , ni hao liang moi , means you are so beautiful )
Me : oh ? hahah thank you thank you ye ke ? tak lah ~ ( =.='' *sigh*
ticket seller : nak tak pergi shopping dengan aku minggu depan ? ( definately not pls , he was asking me to go shopping with him next week )
Me : har ? Tak nak lah ~ penatlah nak study lagi hehe ( cheh )
Ticket seller : study ape ? Satu ari je ... tak gune byk masa
Me : ( cheh , is my time i like it ) Eh , satu ari ku boleh buat byk benda tau ?
Ticket seller : ye ke ? haiz ah mui ~ satu ari je , kita pergi tengok wayang , pergi shopping
Me : haha tengok lah ~ bile ku ada masa ku pergi. ( *vomit* don't want !!! )
ticket seller : ala mui ~ tipu lah ~ tengok kamu ni kaya , mesti selalu pergi shopping lah ~
Me : mane ada !! mega sales mah ~ kalau aku kaya , sekarang semua jenama punye loh ~
Ticket seller : ah ~ awak minggu depan keluar dengan aku , aku beli untuk kamu.
Me : HAHHAHAHAHH !!! HHAHAHAHAHAH !! ( haiz... cheh lah you )
when I arrived at destination ,
Ticket seller : ah mui , tak mau , tak mau pergi !! duduk sini dengan saya
ME : hahahahahah !!! XD hahahahah !! ( haiz... esther , except laughing what else ? cheh )
then I leave the bus , and waited for another one at the bus station.
Haiz... still my mood wasn't that good. I know , trying to avoid from the problems I have now was wrong. Maybe I can pretend that nothing else happen , but still , doesn't mean the problem did not exist. I might be happy for a while , but not long I'm sure. The only solution was to confront with the problem. But... how ?
When I arrive KL centre , I decided to took another train to Timesquare. Bought the ticket , and walk and walk and walk until I reach the Monorail station. I saw some really beautiful European girls passing by , they looks like models. When I arrive at Timesquare , nothing much change here since last time I saw. Things were getting cheaper and cheaper for the sales, I was very excited !! :D haven't felt such enthusiasm for quite a few months. Then I went to Sungei Wang and done crazy shopping !!! muahahahahah !!! XD so happy lahhh !!! XD
Man I should bring more money lah ~ :( cheh , nevermind next week ask Soon to come out :D she would be happy ^^ ( and also force Yap to come ) !!! and of course Jian as well !! wakakakak !! :D :D oh and siong bah ~ i think :P heheheh ^^ XD I bought a pair of cool shoe , and a nice dress for my own ^^ ~ heheh ~ But still.... man something was missing haiz...
There is one shop , three sales girls , one look very cute , and another one looks cool , with short hair , while i was hanging around at their shop , man three of them were so enthusiasm with selling dresses for me , keep promoting and promoting , i don't even have the time to think which one i should buy ''=.= . But muahahah , I'm not easily being influence by your trick girl , i will control and consider properly together with my shopping list blek :P No longer than , the girl with short hair ( kinda cool :P ) wanted to play a game with me , if I can guess which one of them was the eldest , I don't need to buy any dress for them but if I fail in that game , I need to buy then. *haiz.. * Just want to shopping lah ~ what lah~ At the end , I fail. (T.T) So I buy one dress for them , cheh. I found that the girl with the short hair , seems interested with me , maybe she wants to be friendly i guess , but... she want my number... isn't that a little bit strange ? But oh well , doesn't matter much hahah ^^ is great to know more friends ( especially when she is that cute :P ) ^^ keke.
After finishing shopping , I went back home with Bus. The bus was full of passenger , luckily that bus driver found a nice place for me to seat , thanks bus driver :D. Another ticket seller , went talking to me again , he ask me lots of stuff , where do I stay lah ~ , what have I bought lah ~ and then...
ticket seller : Ah Moi ni hao liang mui ahh ~ ( ah moi means girl girl in chinese , ni hao liang moi , means you are so beautiful )
Me : oh ? hahah thank you thank you ye ke ? tak lah ~ ( =.='' *sigh*
ticket seller : nak tak pergi shopping dengan aku minggu depan ? ( definately not pls , he was asking me to go shopping with him next week )
Me : har ? Tak nak lah ~ penatlah nak study lagi hehe ( cheh )
Ticket seller : study ape ? Satu ari je ... tak gune byk masa
Me : ( cheh , is my time i like it ) Eh , satu ari ku boleh buat byk benda tau ?
Ticket seller : ye ke ? haiz ah mui ~ satu ari je , kita pergi tengok wayang , pergi shopping
Me : haha tengok lah ~ bile ku ada masa ku pergi. ( *vomit* don't want !!! )
ticket seller : ala mui ~ tipu lah ~ tengok kamu ni kaya , mesti selalu pergi shopping lah ~
Me : mane ada !! mega sales mah ~ kalau aku kaya , sekarang semua jenama punye loh ~
Ticket seller : ah ~ awak minggu depan keluar dengan aku , aku beli untuk kamu.
Me : HAHHAHAHAHH !!! HHAHAHAHAHAH !! ( haiz... cheh lah you )
when I arrived at destination ,
Ticket seller : ah mui , tak mau , tak mau pergi !! duduk sini dengan saya
ME : hahahahahah !!! XD hahahahah !! ( haiz... esther , except laughing what else ? cheh )
then I leave the bus , and waited for another one at the bus station.
Haiz... still my mood wasn't that good. I know , trying to avoid from the problems I have now was wrong. Maybe I can pretend that nothing else happen , but still , doesn't mean the problem did not exist. I might be happy for a while , but not long I'm sure. The only solution was to confront with the problem. But... how ?
Saturday 5 July 2008
Dearly Beloved...
Kingdom heart's dearly beloved piano sheets :
http://www.squaresound.com/arrangements/file.php?id=930
Thursday 3 July 2008
TODay....
Today , in the morning , when i woke up , is... 8 am...
.....
WHAT !!!???? 8AM !!!??? fuck fuck !!
I quickly change my clothes , and and wash my face , brush my teeth with extreme speed , my brother was late as well , we both were late today , shit. Then I started to remember something , AIYA !!!!!! Tibo ... :( haiz.... we both promise to chat after he came back from the appointment ne !! :( ahhhhh he must be waiting for me aaaiiii !! stupid me stupid me !! ahhhhhhhh !!! xO !! So sorry so sorry tibo :( man , you waited for me again :( Is my fault ne :( so sorry... *sigh* I must apologize to him tonight :(
I rush to school , and my name has been record T.T... then I ran towards my class , everyone were sitting there quietly , the class session has start. I walk into it , and waved my hands at teacher , feeling awkward and shame , then ,
me : heheheh teacher ^^ , selamat pagi hehheh ^^ ( good morning teacher )
teacher : ehhh , awak ni , lambat hari ni ! ( you were late today )
I just keep smiling and walk to my own place. Phew !!
Then , Desmond was looking at me , I waved my hands towards him and said hi ~ :D , but he ignore me .... T.T haiz... wasn't in a good mood again i guess T.T cheh... *sad sad* Soon came to me and pats my head as usual , then she touches my hair with gentle and smile to me. awww ^^ hehe ^^ Yap was doing her own thing.
During the recess time , Soo Ching said something that makes me feel kinda.... sucks. She was envious about my socializing character , thought that i might be having some tricks to make more friends ... but man ... I don't do any tricks for that =.= so hai. Here's one part of the conversations that makes me really , argggg !! FUCK YOU !!
Soo : Haiz , you don't know es , I wasn't that good as you in socializing and communicating with people , Ya know , not really know pretending and stuff.
Me : Ha ha , oh ? Well , honestly , I never purposely make friends with people. They just came naturally.
Soo : Huh ? So nice ? Nah , then you must be having some nice tactics for making yourself looks gorgeously and people were attracted to you huh especially guys.
Me : ( what ? =.= '' fuck I'm not a prostitute for god's sake !! ) Ha ha , nope , I don't purposely do any tricks for making me feel popular. I don't do that. Friends just came naturally, that's what I said just now. :)
Soo : Oh ? Like that ahh ~ ? Then ok lo ~ you were lucky lo , were fated to have good relationship with all people. Not everyone has those lucks like you have , even how good we are. You are so lucky.
Me : HAHAHA !! LUCKY !! yes , I'm lucky, you were right. So you aren't lucky lah ? Aha... no good relationship with friends ? OR , No people want to be friends with you ? ( this time , I'm piss)
Soo : hehe no lah ~ just not so nice as yours lo ~ don't know why you got lots of friends leh ? But I don't have wor ~
Me : well , i don't see friends as my enemy that's why. Ha ha , no matter how lucky you are , still , using your heart to made friends with people is the most important thing. If your attitude bad , then no friend lah ( blek :P )
Soo : No lah ~ I don't have the luck to have friends lah ~ ( fuck your shit off ) Unlike you ( cheh yeah yeah , I'm lucky cheh ) So lucky lo ~ You were destine to attracts people near you. ( =.='' don't make me sounds like I'm A PROSTITUTE OK !!? )
Me : haha yeah , well it isn't my fault , right ? If people like me , because maybe I'm better lo , won't over being critical minded ( like you ) , then won't easily piss people off ( like you ) , won't predict what people thinks all the time ( like you ) , just easy going ( not like you ) , happy ( not like you ) , said things i should say ( unlike you !! ) , am I right ?
Soo : Yeah lo , maybe lo.
Me : yeah lo ~ you want more friends ah ? Can , of course~ why not. Be like me lah ^^ But not so easy to learn from me lah ~ I'm superb wakakak. Ok lah ~ got to go , see you later then ~ bye ~ remember to smile wor ~ to make , MORE FRIENDS MAH !! HAHAHAHA !! XD ok lah ~ bye bye !! ( *sigh* ''=.= ) I swear i would tore her into pieces if i was allow to do that arggg !!
Afternoon , stays at school for some duties that haven been finished yet. Saw Han at the other room of the library , she was concentrating on her studies alone i see , so i tend to knock the door ... but.... erm .... don't want lah ... don't disturb her... let her study lah ... then sitting there read my magazine alone. Dewan Masyarakat Magazine , mostly about politics , I really found it quite interesting with the way those writer twisting the whole story and shoot us nation ( who wasn't malays ) with their prejudice's and racist mind. Well , they are good , they knew being sarcastic is the best way to made the aren't malays people understand their meaning , by saying DAP influences and teaches Malays on conquering their own country , by saying that BN didn't really understand nation's heart and soul , so that's why malays came to DAP and support other races.
haiz....
DISASTER.
.....
WHAT !!!???? 8AM !!!??? fuck fuck !!
I quickly change my clothes , and and wash my face , brush my teeth with extreme speed , my brother was late as well , we both were late today , shit. Then I started to remember something , AIYA !!!!!! Tibo ... :( haiz.... we both promise to chat after he came back from the appointment ne !! :( ahhhhh he must be waiting for me aaaiiii !! stupid me stupid me !! ahhhhhhhh !!! xO !! So sorry so sorry tibo :( man , you waited for me again :( Is my fault ne :( so sorry... *sigh* I must apologize to him tonight :(
I rush to school , and my name has been record T.T... then I ran towards my class , everyone were sitting there quietly , the class session has start. I walk into it , and waved my hands at teacher , feeling awkward and shame , then ,
me : heheheh teacher ^^ , selamat pagi hehheh ^^ ( good morning teacher )
teacher : ehhh , awak ni , lambat hari ni ! ( you were late today )
I just keep smiling and walk to my own place. Phew !!
Then , Desmond was looking at me , I waved my hands towards him and said hi ~ :D , but he ignore me .... T.T haiz... wasn't in a good mood again i guess T.T cheh... *sad sad* Soon came to me and pats my head as usual , then she touches my hair with gentle and smile to me. awww ^^ hehe ^^ Yap was doing her own thing.
During the recess time , Soo Ching said something that makes me feel kinda.... sucks. She was envious about my socializing character , thought that i might be having some tricks to make more friends ... but man ... I don't do any tricks for that =.= so hai. Here's one part of the conversations that makes me really , argggg !! FUCK YOU !!
Soo : Haiz , you don't know es , I wasn't that good as you in socializing and communicating with people , Ya know , not really know pretending and stuff.
Me : Ha ha , oh ? Well , honestly , I never purposely make friends with people. They just came naturally.
Soo : Huh ? So nice ? Nah , then you must be having some nice tactics for making yourself looks gorgeously and people were attracted to you huh especially guys.
Me : ( what ? =.= '' fuck I'm not a prostitute for god's sake !! ) Ha ha , nope , I don't purposely do any tricks for making me feel popular. I don't do that. Friends just came naturally, that's what I said just now. :)
Soo : Oh ? Like that ahh ~ ? Then ok lo ~ you were lucky lo , were fated to have good relationship with all people. Not everyone has those lucks like you have , even how good we are. You are so lucky.
Me : HAHAHA !! LUCKY !! yes , I'm lucky, you were right. So you aren't lucky lah ? Aha... no good relationship with friends ? OR , No people want to be friends with you ? ( this time , I'm piss)
Soo : hehe no lah ~ just not so nice as yours lo ~ don't know why you got lots of friends leh ? But I don't have wor ~
Me : well , i don't see friends as my enemy that's why. Ha ha , no matter how lucky you are , still , using your heart to made friends with people is the most important thing. If your attitude bad , then no friend lah ( blek :P )
Soo : No lah ~ I don't have the luck to have friends lah ~ ( fuck your shit off ) Unlike you ( cheh yeah yeah , I'm lucky cheh ) So lucky lo ~ You were destine to attracts people near you. ( =.='' don't make me sounds like I'm A PROSTITUTE OK !!? )
Me : haha yeah , well it isn't my fault , right ? If people like me , because maybe I'm better lo , won't over being critical minded ( like you ) , then won't easily piss people off ( like you ) , won't predict what people thinks all the time ( like you ) , just easy going ( not like you ) , happy ( not like you ) , said things i should say ( unlike you !! ) , am I right ?
Soo : Yeah lo , maybe lo.
Me : yeah lo ~ you want more friends ah ? Can , of course~ why not. Be like me lah ^^ But not so easy to learn from me lah ~ I'm superb wakakak. Ok lah ~ got to go , see you later then ~ bye ~ remember to smile wor ~ to make , MORE FRIENDS MAH !! HAHAHAHA !! XD ok lah ~ bye bye !! ( *sigh* ''=.= ) I swear i would tore her into pieces if i was allow to do that arggg !!
Afternoon , stays at school for some duties that haven been finished yet. Saw Han at the other room of the library , she was concentrating on her studies alone i see , so i tend to knock the door ... but.... erm .... don't want lah ... don't disturb her... let her study lah ... then sitting there read my magazine alone. Dewan Masyarakat Magazine , mostly about politics , I really found it quite interesting with the way those writer twisting the whole story and shoot us nation ( who wasn't malays ) with their prejudice's and racist mind. Well , they are good , they knew being sarcastic is the best way to made the aren't malays people understand their meaning , by saying DAP influences and teaches Malays on conquering their own country , by saying that BN didn't really understand nation's heart and soul , so that's why malays came to DAP and support other races.
haiz....
DISASTER.
Tuesday 1 July 2008
Unbreakable
Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger
God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me
Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better
Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger
God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me
Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better
Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust
I had a weird dream again ~
I had a weird dream again this evening , I was napping and , this dream cames to me , it feels so weird man , and horrifying.The only weird thing was , sha gua was inside too. And Qin Shun....another old friend of mine , but why is he there ? Then Yoo see seng ? wtf ? was all Inside my dream....
sha gua was another scene of my dream , then don't know when , it change , into another story where Chin Shun and See seng sat infront of me .... I don't really remember the whole story , but only one scene , when Chin Shun and See seng , having some drinks in a restaurant with me. That place was dark , like it was raining outside ... I don't know what place it is , is just a strange place to me.... man oh man. Chin Shun , he looks depress , and was drinking some wine and beer there , he complaints to me about something , but I don't remember what was it. But he keeps drinking non stop... and was angry.. See seng , never drink any beer in real , but I saw him drinking as well in my dream , and he looks tired.... haiz what happen ? Then , horrible dreams began , man , I remember.... Chin shun , he tries to betray me ? Shit I have no idea about this , but the whole dream was scary , I can feel it , and I was afraid at that time , but why him ? And sha gua's dream , I don't remember a thing about it anymore , only one scene where he came out from the door , and look at me.That's all.
*sigh*
sha gua was another scene of my dream , then don't know when , it change , into another story where Chin Shun and See seng sat infront of me .... I don't really remember the whole story , but only one scene , when Chin Shun and See seng , having some drinks in a restaurant with me. That place was dark , like it was raining outside ... I don't know what place it is , is just a strange place to me.... man oh man. Chin Shun , he looks depress , and was drinking some wine and beer there , he complaints to me about something , but I don't remember what was it. But he keeps drinking non stop... and was angry.. See seng , never drink any beer in real , but I saw him drinking as well in my dream , and he looks tired.... haiz what happen ? Then , horrible dreams began , man , I remember.... Chin shun , he tries to betray me ? Shit I have no idea about this , but the whole dream was scary , I can feel it , and I was afraid at that time , but why him ? And sha gua's dream , I don't remember a thing about it anymore , only one scene where he came out from the door , and look at me.That's all.
*sigh*
Sunday 29 June 2008
Back to China 2
Ok , let us continue the last Back to China topic. Where was I ? OH yep , about the holly Emperor that owns millions of wifes , concubines and all that. So , that's the reason why the older chinese people especially our ancestor have the same thought as " there is nothing wrong for the male to owns thousands of wives"
Ok , end the males topic shall we ? Let's go to the Female's topic then. Always , since from the ancient time of chinese , the female's , holds no authority in their hands. From the day when they were born , their status were set till the lowest in their family. For example : Lady Desiree , gave birth to a baby , is a girl. When she tend to accept the word " congratulations" by other people who was waiting for her outside the room , what she got was >> " a girl ? oh... I see... is a girl then. " , or " nevermind , this time is a girl , next time could be a boy " .... better one would be >> " nah is ok , baby girl is better than baby boy , at least she could take care of you haha... "
She never had the chance to say " Thank you" , until... the next few years later , she gave birth again , to a baby boy this time , immediately the whole crowd of friends and family came to her and shouted happily , CONGRATULATIONS !! Is a BOY !!!
see that ?
Now back the the Sheung's families , four wifes , never dare to say anything about Husband's perverted attitude. When the new wives came , they could only hide their jealousy feelings without letting the husband know anything about it. Sooner , this jealousy that hides beneath it explode. All four wives tried so hard to keep their status in the family. Back stabbing others , spread false rumours against each other , try to make each other ashamed of their own attitude infront of The Master ( their husband ). They will certainly be happy when any one of them were force to face the PUNISHMENT.Now Let me tell you , what's this so call PUNISHMENT are , different crime has different level of punishment , If you are the one that always backstabbing others and spread false rumours about something , you will get beaten rudely by using a ruler , onto your mouth , until it turns red and bleeding. Another punishment , was using 4 different canes , from the smallest cane ( looks big to me ) to the thickest one ( with thorns ) , the punishment will be perform by their husband , that's the Master , suit with his mood. I remember a scene where the third wives got beaten terribly by using the second thickest stick, until her whole body were bleeding , and full with horrible scars. Her Fourth wives , fornicates with another guy without his permission , the she got killed , by tiding her into a basket , and drowned her into the well ( Any women who tries to fornicates with another guy , is a crime , that will cause them to death , that's drowning them into the sea or any places with water ). Her daughter , was secretly in love with a servant , but unfortunately , her dad , The Master found it , and was very very angry with her. He cut off her hair , until she looks ugly , and lock her into the room. She was the youngest daughter in the family , and was ask to do everything her parents want her to do , reading poetry , playing music instrument , and avoid from reading adventures or loves stories ( because it was called cheap and lowly classes for them ) it is better for their daughter not to went out and see the World , to show the higher classes of their family status.
to be continue...
Ok , end the males topic shall we ? Let's go to the Female's topic then. Always , since from the ancient time of chinese , the female's , holds no authority in their hands. From the day when they were born , their status were set till the lowest in their family. For example : Lady Desiree , gave birth to a baby , is a girl. When she tend to accept the word " congratulations" by other people who was waiting for her outside the room , what she got was >> " a girl ? oh... I see... is a girl then. " , or " nevermind , this time is a girl , next time could be a boy " .... better one would be >> " nah is ok , baby girl is better than baby boy , at least she could take care of you haha... "
She never had the chance to say " Thank you" , until... the next few years later , she gave birth again , to a baby boy this time , immediately the whole crowd of friends and family came to her and shouted happily , CONGRATULATIONS !! Is a BOY !!!
see that ?
Now back the the Sheung's families , four wifes , never dare to say anything about Husband's perverted attitude. When the new wives came , they could only hide their jealousy feelings without letting the husband know anything about it. Sooner , this jealousy that hides beneath it explode. All four wives tried so hard to keep their status in the family. Back stabbing others , spread false rumours against each other , try to make each other ashamed of their own attitude infront of The Master ( their husband ). They will certainly be happy when any one of them were force to face the PUNISHMENT.Now Let me tell you , what's this so call PUNISHMENT are , different crime has different level of punishment , If you are the one that always backstabbing others and spread false rumours about something , you will get beaten rudely by using a ruler , onto your mouth , until it turns red and bleeding. Another punishment , was using 4 different canes , from the smallest cane ( looks big to me ) to the thickest one ( with thorns ) , the punishment will be perform by their husband , that's the Master , suit with his mood. I remember a scene where the third wives got beaten terribly by using the second thickest stick, until her whole body were bleeding , and full with horrible scars. Her Fourth wives , fornicates with another guy without his permission , the she got killed , by tiding her into a basket , and drowned her into the well ( Any women who tries to fornicates with another guy , is a crime , that will cause them to death , that's drowning them into the sea or any places with water ). Her daughter , was secretly in love with a servant , but unfortunately , her dad , The Master found it , and was very very angry with her. He cut off her hair , until she looks ugly , and lock her into the room. She was the youngest daughter in the family , and was ask to do everything her parents want her to do , reading poetry , playing music instrument , and avoid from reading adventures or loves stories ( because it was called cheap and lowly classes for them ) it is better for their daughter not to went out and see the World , to show the higher classes of their family status.
to be continue...
Saturday 28 June 2008
I had an appointment with Yap this morning , we already planned to do study group together , and agree to play badminton after the studies.So I took the bus twice as usual does , and arrived at school in 10 am , but unfortunately , another friend of ours , cancel her appointment with us for some urgent issue, she was the one who responsible for our pass year question paper , without her , we can't continue our study group's plan.As a result, me and Yap decided to play badminton straight away without wasting any time, so we started our game , at first , we can't concentrate in playing , kept fooling around with those crazy movements , until both of us went tired of kept talking instead of playing our sports , we then decided to play quietly without too much talking.And yep , we played good. Yap made me breakfast today,it was oat bread with fish fillet , it looks nice , and tasty. Thanks Yap , that's so sweet of you -_^ , next time is my turn to prepare then ^^ muaks ~ After finishing the BADMINTON BATTLE,we started jogging around the whole school , she went tired after two rounds of jogging , so she sat down , and I continued on my own.Then , she took her bicycle , and cycled for few minutes. I went tired as well , so I sat down , and tried slowing down my breath. She came to me , and lend her bicycle for me, well... is been a very long time since I ride on a bicycle , but still , I would love to try that , although was a bit afraid of the bicycle's height , it looks very huge for me... and no one teach me how to ride on a bicycle before... so I wasn't really sure about what I'm going to do next. I almost fell , when I try to get up and sit on it ( haiz... shorty cheh ) but Yap she helped me with it , then I manage to get on , and bicycling around the whole school. Yeah !!! I DID IT !! WAKAKKAA !!! QUEEN OF THE SMARTEST ( BLEK ~ ) :p. That feeling.... was nice...I really loves it, now i do understand why Tibo owns himself a bicycle :P The wind just blew towards my face , and when I look upwards , the leaves , are green and nice ~ like a flows that keeps going.I continue cycling until I reach the basketball field , and so I cycled around the whole field , fascinating indeed , was cool . After both of us finished chatting , we decided to go back or else Yap's mom will gone stormy again ~ She accompany me waiting for the bus , and suddenly , a call came. Well , that was an unrecognized number. But I pick it up , and then :
me : hello ?
People : Hello ? esther ?
Me : yeah ? Is me , erm ... you are ?
People : chee hoe ahhhh ~~~
Me : what ? chee keong ?
People : chee hoee ~~~
Me : ohhhhh ~~ chee hoeeee ~~~ ( which chee hoee ? zheng chee hoe ? or foong chee hoe ? ''=.= ) hey what's up !! yo long time no see !!
People : yep long time no see le , erm , are you free now ?
Me : well me ? ( honestly I was damn tired ) but still , yep free. haha what's up ?
People : well , want to ask you out for yam char now , You suggest a place lah ~
Me : well , erm , ( really want meh ? ) ok lah ~ ( damn ) , south city , Old Town White Coffee Restaurant , see you there ok ?
People : ok see you there , bye bye ~~ ( tu tu tu tu tu )
*sigh*
Me : Yap ah ~... tired ohh ... want to go or not leh ?
Yap : well you just agree to go so then , go lah ~
Me : yeah hor , moreover , he's an old pal , he invited me , go and meet him lah ^^ hehe
Yap : yeah loh ~ go and meet him see whether he's still good or not lah ~ ^^
Me : ok ^^ oh , the bus came lah ~ you be careful wor , bye bye dear ~
Yap : bye bye ^^ take care lah ~
I waved my hands towards Yap after I got into the bus , she waved hands towards me as well. Then , because today was Saturday , the whole Seri Kembangan area was sucks with cars. I left at 1:23pm and arrive there at 2:15 , still got the chance to sleep for a while in the bus wakakaka ~ I suppose Chee Hoe has arrive there as well , when I got in , he follows behind me ( ''=.= ) why aren't sitting in the restaurant waiting for me leh ? aiyo ~~ We both was kinda happy to see each other ( although I was really tired ) but still , hey , meet back old pal ~ thats a great feeling. We both talk and talk and talk and talk , about life , about everything lah !! And I really found that , He has turn into a very mature guy :) I bet he has seen life more than I m , work for his father's company , studying in college , has his own car , was a small boss right now , and met all kinds of people... but still :P the habit of praising himself didn't change at all :P but i guess that's him ^^ that's chee hoe ^^ Our conversation couldn't leave the life during form 1 till 5 , about the friendship we both have and also with others , how cool.
After a few hours of talking , is really time for me to go ~ ( I was damn damn tired) He offer himself to send me back with his car. I saw his car was like woah!!!!!! Nice car !! :D !! I forgot what name was it blek :P hehe :P but hey nice car man ~~ he paid the toll for me , and we both continue a little chat in car , until I reach home , he waited for me inside the car until I get in. What a gentleman ;) I fail to find my keys , the sky started to rain , he still wait in the car until I found the keys and get inside the house. He's a kind lad ;) well , chee hoe , I wish you all the best in your life here ;) jia you my friend. (^_^ )v
Friday 27 June 2008
If I were given a chance
If I was given a chance , I really do hope I could stay forever 17. Stay together with my friends again , doing scouts activities all together , arguing all together , crying all together , and happy all together again :) ... haiz... I hope I can meet albert again ... he's the best leader I ever had , and my bestest brother.I hope... we all friends and classmate will run together as a team again , trying so hard for the chinese society activities ... and back stab teacher all the time XD we went passionate with singing , and dancing , *snif snif* and and T.T hardworking together so that all of us could reach the goal for spm.We ponteng class session together , and lie to teachers all together ... we went crazy when teachers were not in class.. hahah those guys always got caught by the fierce dicipline teacher in school Pn pao pao , using the sound system , and call out all their name , while they were playing soccer at the field.The whole school heard that XD how cool !! hahah !! XD nothing ever greater than friends :( especially when they were friends with you for years... :( ..... but now... we sort of loosing contact... all have own lifes .... *sigh* why can't this remain still ? haiz.... still .... things were changing every moment. We have to accept that.
Weird taxi driver .... ''-.-
After having a whole day learning and cooking ( including writing three pieces of stupid essay ) I was really really really damn tired... and still , Yap asked me to accompany her practicing a song using school's old piano~ So I agree to teacher her one very very very simple song, LONG LONG AGO.Which is a song that can be categorized as level 6 in the piano grades. Is level six , not grade six.I give examples to her , teaches her how to play , hold her hands one by one , sing together with her , repeating the same song over and over and over and over.... again. Few hours were passing by , and she could only manage to mastered the intro version of Long Long ago, haiz...how pity. thats only the verse part...bass part...the frontest note.So then I try asking her to relax and talk with me.And so we did, we both chat and chat until 6 O'clock.We decided to leave the school
I take the bus from school , and arrive at The Mines bus stop.So that I could take another bus and back to my own place.But man , I was too tired.Couldn't wait the bus for an hour anymore... moreover , there were lots of people waiting for the bus....must be full today.haiz.... Suddenly there is one blue colour taxi came in and stop infront of me.A decision was playing in my mind whether I will took the taxi or the bus ? If I took the taxi , it will cost me 10 ringgit... expensive though... but if I took the bus, I will definately went back home late.AH !!! Doesn't care anymore , I'll take the taxi , cost me ten riggit then I don't care.
When I open the taxi's door , I saw a man who had this arabian look , or bosnia , I don't know, but I told him the place I stay and he told me the prize , and I accepted the prize , and that's it. I went back home by taking the taxi.At first , both of us remain silent until when I almost reach my home , I told him to go futher , and he ask me which school I'm taking , I told him that I study at Seri Serdang school , the next thing he ask , was a little bit weird , He ask me whether I had a boyfriend , I said Yes ( bluff haha ) , and then the conversation begins with
arabian / bosnia taxi guy : Ohhh , you have boyfriend , I see I see... how waste..
Me : what ? waste ? haha why ?
Arabian / bosnia taxi guy : well if you don't have one , I might consider to have you as my girlfriend.
Me : oh , haha , you were too kind.
Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : How old are you ?
Me: 19
Arabian / bosnia taxi guy : 19 !? Woah ! I thought you were younger ^^ because you were wearing uniform and you definately look younger than your age.
Me : really ? thanks
Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : well but still , that's quite a young age , I was 10 years older than you , haha me 29 now.
Me : I see , that's cool
Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : hey , why don't you try help me to find a girl like you ?
Me : why would you want a girl like me ? I have nothing good :P
Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : well , you look beautiful
Me : oh ? thanks , that's too kind of you
Arabian /bosnia taxi guy : HAHAHA !! KIND HAHAHAH !!
Me : yes yes , thanks for the compliment
and when he arrives at my place, he IS still talking to me the same thing about finding a girlfriend that looks like me for him and say is more better if I m the one , and so on ,and he handed his phone number to me , just like.... what onisan did the last time... oh my god.He's a random poor taxi guy man oh man. This is crazy. I paid him the money , and tend to get off the car , he still ask me to miss call him , or contact him afterwards. Of course , I put a fake smile for him and say , oh oh , hahah ok ok . ( blek , don't want )and ask me whether did I always took the taxi back home. ( I answer him nah , nope , only this time ... actually :P many times already lo ~~ hahaha !! XD )
the conclusion is , weird taxi driver nowadays on the road. pLS BE CAREFUL.THANK YOU.
I take the bus from school , and arrive at The Mines bus stop.So that I could take another bus and back to my own place.But man , I was too tired.Couldn't wait the bus for an hour anymore... moreover , there were lots of people waiting for the bus....must be full today.haiz.... Suddenly there is one blue colour taxi came in and stop infront of me.A decision was playing in my mind whether I will took the taxi or the bus ? If I took the taxi , it will cost me 10 ringgit... expensive though... but if I took the bus, I will definately went back home late.AH !!! Doesn't care anymore , I'll take the taxi , cost me ten riggit then I don't care.
When I open the taxi's door , I saw a man who had this arabian look , or bosnia , I don't know, but I told him the place I stay and he told me the prize , and I accepted the prize , and that's it. I went back home by taking the taxi.At first , both of us remain silent until when I almost reach my home , I told him to go futher , and he ask me which school I'm taking , I told him that I study at Seri Serdang school , the next thing he ask , was a little bit weird , He ask me whether I had a boyfriend , I said Yes ( bluff haha ) , and then the conversation begins with
arabian / bosnia taxi guy : Ohhh , you have boyfriend , I see I see... how waste..
Me : what ? waste ? haha why ?
Arabian / bosnia taxi guy : well if you don't have one , I might consider to have you as my girlfriend.
Me : oh , haha , you were too kind.
Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : How old are you ?
Me: 19
Arabian / bosnia taxi guy : 19 !? Woah ! I thought you were younger ^^ because you were wearing uniform and you definately look younger than your age.
Me : really ? thanks
Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : well but still , that's quite a young age , I was 10 years older than you , haha me 29 now.
Me : I see , that's cool
Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : hey , why don't you try help me to find a girl like you ?
Me : why would you want a girl like me ? I have nothing good :P
Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : well , you look beautiful
Me : oh ? thanks , that's too kind of you
Arabian /bosnia taxi guy : HAHAHA !! KIND HAHAHAH !!
Me : yes yes , thanks for the compliment
and when he arrives at my place, he IS still talking to me the same thing about finding a girlfriend that looks like me for him and say is more better if I m the one , and so on ,and he handed his phone number to me , just like.... what onisan did the last time... oh my god.He's a random poor taxi guy man oh man. This is crazy. I paid him the money , and tend to get off the car , he still ask me to miss call him , or contact him afterwards. Of course , I put a fake smile for him and say , oh oh , hahah ok ok . ( blek , don't want )and ask me whether did I always took the taxi back home. ( I answer him nah , nope , only this time ... actually :P many times already lo ~~ hahaha !! XD )
the conclusion is , weird taxi driver nowadays on the road. pLS BE CAREFUL.THANK YOU.
Thursday 26 June 2008
一位明星的LEGEND
林丹。。相信对中国上海七十年代前到后的歌坛人物以及演艺圈有兴趣的人，都会比我更清楚林丹姐的故事。。。她是天涯歌女周旋的好老师，好姐妹。在她还没离开这世界前，曾经生活在明星界丰厚与华丽之地的她。。。并不快乐。而在她失去该有的名气之后，生活简直惨不忍睹。甚至得沦落到做妓女，浮昌的地步。可见当时的上海社会，要持有不断的名气的女歌星，女演员，是件遥不可及的事啊。所以以前的女明星呢，大多都是英年早逝，而且多半都选择自杀。像演艺极好的阮玲玉，和持有金哨子的周旋，都是以自杀来了断自己的生命。。。可在现今社会，也何尝不是这样呢？拿个例子来说，像张国荣这蛮有特色的演员，也走上这條不归之路。唉，做明星的，真难。他们面对的，可不只是单单普通的挫则。。。而是一而再，再而三的波折。。。他们的寂寞，空虚，没人能了解，只因他们都是艺人，要求的，可能茅盾，可能简单，也有可能负杂。越出名的明星，可能越难了解。就好像音乐才子，贝多芬，脾气古怪，喜怒无常，没人能够真正的了解他的想法，说的好听点，这叫艺术家脾气，说得难听点的，不就是怪人咯。人言可畏，我想大家都明白其中的意思吧。
记得梅艳芳姐曾经说过一句话 ：“我每出一张支票，我就会少了一位朋友”。越成名的明星，越会感到寂寞万分。艳芳姐的死，和林丹姐一样。是病死的。虽然她们俩的身世就差了那么的一半，可论性格，在某些地方，还得将她们俩给联想在一块。
记得梅艳芳姐曾经说过一句话 ：“我每出一张支票，我就会少了一位朋友”。越成名的明星，越会感到寂寞万分。艳芳姐的死，和林丹姐一样。是病死的。虽然她们俩的身世就差了那么的一半，可论性格，在某些地方，还得将她们俩给联想在一块。
林丹姐的离去。。
让大家都领悟到，
生活对一个女明星来和说
不是丰厚和华丽的赐予，
欲望的复活，
成功的寂寞，
和芳香的痛苦，
隐藏在明星的光环之下。。
吞噬着每一双仰视的眼睛。
在下的照片，是属周旋的样貌。找不着林丹姐的。。请多多包涵哦。嘿嘿。
让大家都领悟到，
生活对一个女明星来和说
不是丰厚和华丽的赐予，
欲望的复活，
成功的寂寞，
和芳香的痛苦，
隐藏在明星的光环之下。。
吞噬着每一双仰视的眼睛。
在下的照片，是属周旋的样貌。找不着林丹姐的。。请多多包涵哦。嘿嘿。
Wednesday 25 June 2008
I love standing in the rain because no one knows that I'm crying.
Is raining , and I'm still standing in the rain waiting for my dad to come and fetch me back.I didn't bring any umbrella , usually , I do love soaking in the rain , and was happy for it , but this time , I hate it. My dad always went late when it comes to fetching me back home. But if that person was my brother , he will be the earliest one in the whole world to come. I just don't understand , if you think you want to wait for my brother until he finish his extra classes, why don't you call me ? And notice me about that ? I'm like a fool you know ? I still remember yesterday, when i was asking you to wait only one hour more to come because I need to join the study group together with my friends , only.. one hour.. but you definately can't wait for that and was using a very impolitely tone rejecting my favor , ok, i understand , you have your own work to deal with , I don't deserve to ask you for a help even a tiny little help , only my brother has the right to ask for your help , eventhough he needs you to wait hours for his extra classes. If you don't want to do the same as you did for my brother , fine. But today , was a different thing , I did told you my time was 1:15 pm ( finishing school ) while this morning we were all in the car right ? But did you really listen to what i said ? Or you choose not to listen to my word ? If you insisted to wait for brother , call me then , I'll take the bus myself , don't need your car at all , but you didn't. You think is funny ? Cheh , if I'm the one who ask you to wait for me , I don't think you would do the same for me . And the worse is , I don't know why the hell am I so afraid of you , is raining , I can choose to wait inside the school like I always did during the last time , and you can call me if you have arrive in school , but , you scolded me for that , like it was a very serious problem , asking me why am I waiting inside the school , shouldn't I be coming out standing there and wait for you so that you won't need to wait for me. Hey ... brainless dad ( He isn't brainless , he is smart for pissing me off ) !!! Is raining can't you see that !!?? And is heavy !! rain !! Am I wrong to do that ? Ok lah ~ if you don't feel like fetching me then just don't do it !! I will take the bus myself !! Don't need your car !! And today , you make me feel like a fool , because of your King of the kings order , I needed to wait outside the school , while the sky was raining heavily , my book was all wet and my beg as well ( and my shoe cheh~ ) , that's not the main point , the main point is , I waited for you for hours ( fuck you dad , I'm tired ) , and you only will came to fetch me if my brother had finish his extra classes. Soon's car is coming towards me , she was asking me whether I need a ride back home , I decided not to wait for you , I absolutely felt SORRY for that your HIGHNESS , but this damn phone , No , the damn Hotlink phone card family , I just updated my phone credit one week ago , and is over one week now , they closed my phone credit account and stop me from using it. I can't call you , I have no choice but to wait here or else I would get smack by you again , and i don't want to waste my time arguing with you like I did last time, and is full of bullshit , because you are always the one who was RIGHT. So I waited you like a fool , listening to my mp3 , my tears are out , just feel a little bit disappointed , not with you slut , but me myself. I found that I am really useless , even a small tiny little thing , like now , I can't deal with it. I should learn to drive so that I don't need to depend on you to fetch me , I should work , to earn some money on my own so that you , slut , won't be able to insult me everytime when I need your money to buy some books from school. I should leave this house earlier and fight for my own freedom and my own dreams , so that i wouldn't need to stay here , studying those stupid business courses that I aren't interested with it at all , facing those stupid teachers that always think I would fail in life with my attitude , facing those people who always think I went cheating during the examination , facing those jealousy from my so call friend. I even fail for my own love life , don't even know the ways to maintain a true relationship, even the best one I found now , feel disappointed with my words, I can't send him any cards because I had lost his address ( stupid computer blew up suddenly) and I'm not sure whether he will came online after this one week, I really should call him, telling him that I'm sorry but I don't know how.I just fail everything in my life, even Soon has to help me for some certain matters ( although I don't really agree that seeking for help is a failure act , no honestly , is the smartest and most wisdom choice of all ) But still , I felt really sorry for her to have a friend like me. I m sucks when Yap she was crying for help and tired about her life , I can't do anything for her to leave her fiercely Mom. T.T My tears are rolling , but no one sees it , that's really a good thing cause I'm standing in the rain , no one knows that I'm crying. But you slut ( my father ) I won't hate you , because I've lost hope in you.If can , I really shouldn't consider calling you as my father , but the fact is I can't , this is the fact that no one could ever change. At least a call , but you didn't , instead of calling me , you let me waited you for so long. When I got in the car , you still blame me for not telling you the time instead of saying sorry to me ( well , you won't anyway , always ). Great. For now , I'm speechless.You found it funny for torturing me like that , go on , childish slut. I just recover from fever and now my fever was back again.But luckily wasn't that serious like the last one did.
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...
...
...
...
...
I m sick of it.
And I want to thank a lower six girl that lend me her umbrella while she tend to leave , thanks , I appreciate your kindness. ;)
Monday 23 June 2008
strange....
When I have arrived , I was alone. This places , seems strange and new to me somehow , where is this place ? The weather,is gloomy...it feels like...haiz.. And then I walk , and walk , until... I saw a Palace... a huge palace. The outer design of that palace , was exactly the same as those palace that can usually be seen in the European country. A little bit greeny i remember , but kinda dark colour it was...Something , I don't know what it is , push me in, so i did. I went into that palace , inside it , was dark, no lights , but still remain clear.A women came to me and welcome me in,she told me that she is the one who responsible for bringing me in and visit this Palace. I don't really understand and clear about what she said, and i don't remember a thing now about her expression .So she did brought me in and have a look around....inside there, was gloomy as well...But you can always see lightning and storm surrounding the whole palace... only the weird thing is , you couldn't hear any sounds of it...
I really forgotten lots of thing about there , until she take me out of that huge building , we were still remain in the Palace territory , I saw no lightning and storm again , only gloomy sky. Infront of me , was a very huge swimming pool , beside that swimming pool , there were some basketball players playing basketball over there ''-.- man what a strange place. Next , she insisted me to follow her going somewhere , so then i follow, but i saw two guys that looks familiar to me , I saw Kah Khun and Roti Brother ( My primary schoolmates and also secondary schoolmates , can be considering as old pals ) they both were in the basketball team , playing all together. They saw me , and they call my name , I was totally shock when I saw them both looks taller than they were last time.... I was wondering how they could manage to increase their height that quick ? Both of them are like a giant to me now !! Was indeed , a bit scary... to see them grow that tall. But still , I wave my hands back to them , and continue myself following that women... but... where is she ?
I saw a staircase... so I decided to went up and see what's up there .... I ran upwards , until I reach the toppers floor, I saw nothing.... but just some wooden fences surrounded the whole place... only a certain part wasn't fencing it... so i decided to went down again... but hey? Where is the staircase ? I was using it for the last few minutes didn't I? Oh god , how am I going to get down there ? Suddenly , I heard someone calling my name again , is... near the corner where there is no fences surrounding it...So I walked near there , and seek for the person who was calling my name. Luckily !! It was Khun and Roti Brother, they , woah.... ''-.- they were tall enough to have the same measure height as one building does. Kinda...weird though... their leg looks really thin and fragile.... but long. No longer then I told them about my situation,they decided to help me by asking me to step on their arms and they will bring me down from the top, but ... what !!?? Step onto their arms !!!? Oh dear , please don't scare me , was really high up there , I was frigging scare !! But still I did (xP) . I step on it ( their arms) and immediately Khun grab my body , I hung my hands around his neck and he bring me down, phew !!!! Thanks pal , ;).
Suddenly, the whole thing surrounded me were changing. I was now ,standing in a green green glassy field , with lots of colourful flowers and mushroom , but kinda huge... like those always seen in the television programmed .... erm what was that name again ? Teletubies right ? I don't know what the shit am I going through now , but still this place was freaking awesome, cute and nice. Then i heard some girl's calling my name again, I turn my head back , and I saw Poh yue....also one of my classmate...Huh? Why is she here anyway? She's wearing a very beautiful gaun..and she's beautiful.She brought along some few girls which I couldn't see their faces clearly and properly. They were selling roses... Black roses. Well , wasn't really that black after all , indeed , was darker red. Really nice colour they were. Poh yue grab my hand, like she usually does in the actual world,and bringing me forward...further to some place where I saw lots of Japanese houses , ya know , like those wooden house all rooms combine together... each room has the same measuring. And each room ... has the same decoration ''-.-. I saw each owner of the room was sitting there , playing piano... their piano were all near the doors, and their doors were open as well. They never stop, kept playing and playing , but no sound at all. Then Poh Yue , she came to a woman's room, asking her if she wants any black roses...hey... this woman... she's my school teacher , what the ''-.- Pn.. Leo Lily !? What is this shit going on here!!? As usually does , she stare at us with a pair of cold eyes... and remain silent. But still , she got up from her piano chair , and walk out , choose the biggest black roses from us. Erh... I didn't saw her paying us any money or I forgot about it whatever.... but then she put it into a vase , and continue playing at her own piano. When we tend to leave , suddenly she called my name , and ask me whether I want to buy her roses or not ? what the shit ''-.- then you bought it for what if you wanted to sell me for the first place anyway. But weird... I told her that maybe I would buy from her tomorrow, she still remain silent , and look at me with her pair of cold eyes ( like she wanted to murder someone else ) and sat down again , continue practicing her own no sound music. We all leave... then the whole situation change again.
Ok , fuck you , where is this place now ? Can I just leave here pls ? Is really a strange place it was... I was back to the place where all the sky were gloomy and blue... man this feeling... this feeling was like ..... I was four at that time , and and , my parents use to send me for baby sitting everyday, that place where my parents send me to , the feelings... was exactly the same as now... gloomy , and blue... the skies always seems rainy to me but no rain at all. Then some nice colour of flowers .... is all exactly the same....purple colour lah ~ pink colour lah ~ I always remember , when my dad fetch me in with his car , then ask me to go in myself. Then , there is one nice baby sitter, always smile at me when she saw me. But of course , not all I could remember. I was four that time at my age.
Then the place change again ~ ''-.- shit , gan bi nia but chew chi bai indian marabutt. This time , was a hospital, I saw a room with lots of babies in it.But only one baby were left outside the room. I walk near to the baby, and look at him/ or her... that baby was very very quiet...other babies inside that room , all were crying , some so called nurse ( with a very very strange costume...like holloween costume , cheh , no wonder baby kept crying lah~ ) were looking after them.Then I continue looking at the baby who lies infront of me ~ hey ~ that baby smile towards me ~ cuty one. ^^ Then suddenly, a women appear infront of me ( what the shit ''-.- , wei , stop lah wei ~ you scare me lah ~ fuck you) She was the women I saw at first , when she said she will bring me visiting this places. ( cheh , you fail your duty auntie ~ ) She look at me , and said , this baby , is you. Huh ? @.@ Hey I remember now ~ my mom used to told me that , when i was born , the hospital has no space left for me to stay inside that room , so i was the only baby that left outside the room , at the corridor there.... But still , muahahahah ~ mummy said I was a good girl no cry de !! ( ^^v , PEACE) The next thing , that women said something , I don't really remember what she said... but the only one sentence were clear to me was , what ah... ~ you were born alone ? And will be alone for the rest of your life ? ( in chinese lah ~ ) this is your destiny ? wtf !! choi !! ''-.- man this place was weird weird weird , the situation keep changing , everything kept changing ~ really stupid !! Then she kept mumbles mumbles ~ I can't clearly hear what she says , but this woman, she looks familiar to me, where have I seen her before ?
Actually there were lots of places I had been to ~ including the place where I stay for a night , the place where I found it cool and interesting , but really I'm sorry , I can't remember a thing now , only a few that stated above there , was the clearest part where i could really remember.
The only thing i knew was , I woke up early in the morning , 2am something ,then i discover that everything that happens no longer ago was only a dream , I was sort of afraid with that dream I got because everything seems really weird and strange to me...Mushroom head... huge flowers.. Ancient European Palace... Black roses ... a chinese woman ~ my teacher and some few friends of mine... and some more but i couldn't even remember them.
*sigh* ''=.= tired...
I really forgotten lots of thing about there , until she take me out of that huge building , we were still remain in the Palace territory , I saw no lightning and storm again , only gloomy sky. Infront of me , was a very huge swimming pool , beside that swimming pool , there were some basketball players playing basketball over there ''-.- man what a strange place. Next , she insisted me to follow her going somewhere , so then i follow, but i saw two guys that looks familiar to me , I saw Kah Khun and Roti Brother ( My primary schoolmates and also secondary schoolmates , can be considering as old pals ) they both were in the basketball team , playing all together. They saw me , and they call my name , I was totally shock when I saw them both looks taller than they were last time.... I was wondering how they could manage to increase their height that quick ? Both of them are like a giant to me now !! Was indeed , a bit scary... to see them grow that tall. But still , I wave my hands back to them , and continue myself following that women... but... where is she ?
I saw a staircase... so I decided to went up and see what's up there .... I ran upwards , until I reach the toppers floor, I saw nothing.... but just some wooden fences surrounded the whole place... only a certain part wasn't fencing it... so i decided to went down again... but hey? Where is the staircase ? I was using it for the last few minutes didn't I? Oh god , how am I going to get down there ? Suddenly , I heard someone calling my name again , is... near the corner where there is no fences surrounding it...So I walked near there , and seek for the person who was calling my name. Luckily !! It was Khun and Roti Brother, they , woah.... ''-.- they were tall enough to have the same measure height as one building does. Kinda...weird though... their leg looks really thin and fragile.... but long. No longer then I told them about my situation,they decided to help me by asking me to step on their arms and they will bring me down from the top, but ... what !!?? Step onto their arms !!!? Oh dear , please don't scare me , was really high up there , I was frigging scare !! But still I did (xP) . I step on it ( their arms) and immediately Khun grab my body , I hung my hands around his neck and he bring me down, phew !!!! Thanks pal , ;).
Suddenly, the whole thing surrounded me were changing. I was now ,standing in a green green glassy field , with lots of colourful flowers and mushroom , but kinda huge... like those always seen in the television programmed .... erm what was that name again ? Teletubies right ? I don't know what the shit am I going through now , but still this place was freaking awesome, cute and nice. Then i heard some girl's calling my name again, I turn my head back , and I saw Poh yue....also one of my classmate...Huh? Why is she here anyway? She's wearing a very beautiful gaun..and she's beautiful.She brought along some few girls which I couldn't see their faces clearly and properly. They were selling roses... Black roses. Well , wasn't really that black after all , indeed , was darker red. Really nice colour they were. Poh yue grab my hand, like she usually does in the actual world,and bringing me forward...further to some place where I saw lots of Japanese houses , ya know , like those wooden house all rooms combine together... each room has the same measuring. And each room ... has the same decoration ''-.-. I saw each owner of the room was sitting there , playing piano... their piano were all near the doors, and their doors were open as well. They never stop, kept playing and playing , but no sound at all. Then Poh Yue , she came to a woman's room, asking her if she wants any black roses...hey... this woman... she's my school teacher , what the ''-.- Pn.. Leo Lily !? What is this shit going on here!!? As usually does , she stare at us with a pair of cold eyes... and remain silent. But still , she got up from her piano chair , and walk out , choose the biggest black roses from us. Erh... I didn't saw her paying us any money or I forgot about it whatever.... but then she put it into a vase , and continue playing at her own piano. When we tend to leave , suddenly she called my name , and ask me whether I want to buy her roses or not ? what the shit ''-.- then you bought it for what if you wanted to sell me for the first place anyway. But weird... I told her that maybe I would buy from her tomorrow, she still remain silent , and look at me with her pair of cold eyes ( like she wanted to murder someone else ) and sat down again , continue practicing her own no sound music. We all leave... then the whole situation change again.
Ok , fuck you , where is this place now ? Can I just leave here pls ? Is really a strange place it was... I was back to the place where all the sky were gloomy and blue... man this feeling... this feeling was like ..... I was four at that time , and and , my parents use to send me for baby sitting everyday, that place where my parents send me to , the feelings... was exactly the same as now... gloomy , and blue... the skies always seems rainy to me but no rain at all. Then some nice colour of flowers .... is all exactly the same....purple colour lah ~ pink colour lah ~ I always remember , when my dad fetch me in with his car , then ask me to go in myself. Then , there is one nice baby sitter, always smile at me when she saw me. But of course , not all I could remember. I was four that time at my age.
Then the place change again ~ ''-.- shit , gan bi nia but chew chi bai indian marabutt. This time , was a hospital, I saw a room with lots of babies in it.But only one baby were left outside the room. I walk near to the baby, and look at him/ or her... that baby was very very quiet...other babies inside that room , all were crying , some so called nurse ( with a very very strange costume...like holloween costume , cheh , no wonder baby kept crying lah~ ) were looking after them.Then I continue looking at the baby who lies infront of me ~ hey ~ that baby smile towards me ~ cuty one. ^^ Then suddenly, a women appear infront of me ( what the shit ''-.- , wei , stop lah wei ~ you scare me lah ~ fuck you) She was the women I saw at first , when she said she will bring me visiting this places. ( cheh , you fail your duty auntie ~ ) She look at me , and said , this baby , is you. Huh ? @.@ Hey I remember now ~ my mom used to told me that , when i was born , the hospital has no space left for me to stay inside that room , so i was the only baby that left outside the room , at the corridor there.... But still , muahahahah ~ mummy said I was a good girl no cry de !! ( ^^v , PEACE) The next thing , that women said something , I don't really remember what she said... but the only one sentence were clear to me was , what ah... ~ you were born alone ? And will be alone for the rest of your life ? ( in chinese lah ~ ) this is your destiny ? wtf !! choi !! ''-.- man this place was weird weird weird , the situation keep changing , everything kept changing ~ really stupid !! Then she kept mumbles mumbles ~ I can't clearly hear what she says , but this woman, she looks familiar to me, where have I seen her before ?
Actually there were lots of places I had been to ~ including the place where I stay for a night , the place where I found it cool and interesting , but really I'm sorry , I can't remember a thing now , only a few that stated above there , was the clearest part where i could really remember.
The only thing i knew was , I woke up early in the morning , 2am something ,then i discover that everything that happens no longer ago was only a dream , I was sort of afraid with that dream I got because everything seems really weird and strange to me...Mushroom head... huge flowers.. Ancient European Palace... Black roses ... a chinese woman ~ my teacher and some few friends of mine... and some more but i couldn't even remember them.
*sigh* ''=.= tired...
Sunday 22 June 2008
Back to China
Recently , my mom , has bought a Chinese drama back to home , and was happy about it. Well , usually , i don't see it special honestly , but this time , i was attracted with its golden cd case , artistic and nice , it contains 4 cd in it , was kinda cool to see that. The next thing i did was , read the story synopsis behind that cd case ( to avoid from being a dork,sitting there watching those stupid ass drama ) , and I found it kinda interesting. The story was about the situation in China where after Lincoln Abraham had released those black people from being slaves and France had announced the civilization world changes , no more republic of china and so on because Dynasty Ching has fall to dead lol and Shanghai had change into a modern city by the mostly influences from France,England bla bla bla .
OK , so , the story was about a big family in China , with the ser name Shang (尚) , the big Master , the only ruler in the family (During that time , every Chinese Family will pick the oldest one to be their leader in the family , the leader will took a roll as the "Emperor" ( which only knows sitting there and ordering people ) , orders from the leader must be obey by the members in the family. And what pisses me off was , he was an old fucking guy with four wifes , what !!? blek !! Alright , let me explain to you why he has four wifes. First, he's a pervert that loves to make sex sex sex everyday , Second , China, Foshan was indeed a very boring place ( unlike shanghai ) , no great entertainment , how can you expect a pervert to sit properly without having sex ?
And his first two wife , are old , he sure don't want lo ~ that's why , he search for another two sexy wife to serve him ~ cheh ~ Third , only making love outta nothing was the best game during that time ( Just look at Shanghai then you'll understand what i said , they can almost make love everyday at anyways ... erh... sorry is , *cough cough* anywhere~ hehe ) Fourth , having thousand of wifes was count as a normal thing for mens. ( Look at those fucking emperor )
to be continue......
OK , so , the story was about a big family in China , with the ser name Shang (尚) , the big Master , the only ruler in the family (During that time , every Chinese Family will pick the oldest one to be their leader in the family , the leader will took a roll as the "Emperor" ( which only knows sitting there and ordering people ) , orders from the leader must be obey by the members in the family. And what pisses me off was , he was an old fucking guy with four wifes , what !!? blek !! Alright , let me explain to you why he has four wifes. First, he's a pervert that loves to make sex sex sex everyday , Second , China, Foshan was indeed a very boring place ( unlike shanghai ) , no great entertainment , how can you expect a pervert to sit properly without having sex ?
And his first two wife , are old , he sure don't want lo ~ that's why , he search for another two sexy wife to serve him ~ cheh ~ Third , only making love outta nothing was the best game during that time ( Just look at Shanghai then you'll understand what i said , they can almost make love everyday at anyways ... erh... sorry is , *cough cough* anywhere~ hehe ) Fourth , having thousand of wifes was count as a normal thing for mens. ( Look at those fucking emperor )
to be continue......
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