Back to China 2

Ok , let us continue the last Back to China topic. Where was I ? OH yep , about the holly Emperor that owns millions of wifes , concubines and all that. So , that's the reason why the older chinese people especially our ancestor have the same thought as " there is nothing wrong for the male to owns thousands of wives"

Ok , end the males topic shall we ? Let's go to the Female's topic then. Always , since from the ancient time of chinese , the female's , holds no authority in their hands. From the day when they were born , their status were set till the lowest in their family. For example : Lady Desiree , gave birth to a baby , is a girl. When she tend to accept the word " congratulations" by other people who was waiting for her outside the room , what she got was >> " a girl ? oh... I see... is a girl then. " , or " nevermind , this time is a girl , next time could be a boy " .... better one would be >> " nah is ok , baby girl is better than baby boy , at least she could take care of you haha... "
She never had the chance to say " Thank you" , until... the next few years later , she gave birth again , to a baby boy this time , immediately the whole crowd of friends and family came to her and shouted happily , CONGRATULATIONS !! Is a BOY !!!

see that ?

Now back the the Sheung's families , four wifes , never dare to say anything about Husband's perverted attitude. When the new wives came , they could only hide their jealousy feelings without letting the husband know anything about it. Sooner , this jealousy that hides beneath it explode. All four wives tried so hard to keep their status in the family. Back stabbing others , spread false rumours against each other , try to make each other ashamed of their own attitude infront of The Master ( their husband ). They will certainly be happy when any one of them were force to face the PUNISHMENT.Now Let me tell you , what's this so call PUNISHMENT are , different crime has different level of punishment , If you are the one that always backstabbing others and spread false rumours about something , you will get beaten rudely by using a ruler , onto your mouth , until it turns red and bleeding. Another punishment , was using 4 different canes , from the smallest cane ( looks big to me ) to the thickest one ( with thorns ) , the punishment will be perform by their husband , that's the Master , suit with his mood. I remember a scene where the third wives got beaten terribly by using the second thickest stick, until her whole body were bleeding , and full with horrible scars. Her Fourth wives , fornicates with another guy without his permission , the she got killed , by tiding her into a basket , and drowned her into the well ( Any women who tries to fornicates with another guy , is a crime , that will cause them to death , that's drowning them into the sea or any places with water ). Her daughter , was secretly in love with a servant , but unfortunately , her dad , The Master found it , and was very very angry with her. He cut off her hair , until she looks ugly , and lock her into the room. She was the youngest daughter in the family , and was ask to do everything her parents want her to do , reading poetry , playing music instrument , and avoid from reading adventures or loves stories ( because it was called cheap and lowly classes for them ) it is better for their daughter not to went out and see the World , to show the higher classes of their family status.

to be continue...

I had an appointment with Yap this morning , we already planned to do study group together , and agree to play badminton after the studies.So I took the bus twice as usual does , and arrived at school in 10 am , but unfortunately , another friend of ours , cancel her appointment with us for some urgent issue, she was the one who responsible for our pass year question paper , without her , we can't continue our study group's plan.As a result, me and Yap decided to play badminton straight away without wasting any time, so we started our game , at first , we can't concentrate in playing , kept fooling around with those crazy movements , until both of us went tired of kept talking instead of playing our sports , we then decided to play quietly without too much talking.And yep , we played good. Yap made me breakfast today,it was oat bread with fish fillet , it looks nice , and tasty. Thanks Yap , that's so sweet of you -_^ , next time is my turn to prepare then ^^ muaks ~ After finishing the BADMINTON BATTLE,we started jogging around the whole school , she went tired after two rounds of jogging , so she sat down , and I continued on my own.Then , she took her bicycle , and cycled for few minutes. I went tired as well , so I sat down , and tried slowing down my breath. She came to me , and lend her bicycle for me, well... is been a very long time since I ride on a bicycle , but still , I would love to try that , although was a bit afraid of the bicycle's height , it looks very huge for me... and no one teach me how to ride on a bicycle before... so I wasn't really sure about what I'm going to do next. I almost fell , when I try to get up and sit on it ( haiz... shorty cheh ) but Yap she helped me with it , then I manage to get on , and bicycling around the whole school. Yeah !!! I DID IT !! WAKAKKAA !!! QUEEN OF THE SMARTEST ( BLEK ~ ) :p. That feeling.... was nice...I really loves it, now i do understand why Tibo owns himself a bicycle :P The wind just blew towards my face , and when I look upwards , the leaves , are green and nice ~ like a flows that keeps going.I continue cycling until I reach the basketball field , and so I cycled around the whole field , fascinating indeed , was cool . After both of us finished chatting , we decided to go back or else Yap's mom will gone stormy again ~ She accompany me waiting for the bus , and suddenly , a call came. Well , that was an unrecognized number. But I pick it up , and then :

me : hello ?

People : Hello ? esther ?

Me : yeah ? Is me , erm ... you are ?

People : chee hoe ahhhh ~~~

Me : what ? chee keong ?

People : chee hoee ~~~

Me : ohhhhh ~~ chee hoeeee ~~~ ( which chee hoee ? zheng chee hoe ? or foong chee hoe ? ''=.= ) hey what's up !! yo long time no see !!

People : yep long time no see le , erm , are you free now ?

Me : well me ? ( honestly I was damn tired ) but still , yep free. haha what's up ?

People : well , want to ask you out for yam char now , You suggest a place lah ~

Me : well , erm , ( really want meh ? ) ok lah ~ ( damn ) , south city , Old Town White Coffee Restaurant , see you there ok ?

People : ok see you there , bye bye ~~ ( tu tu tu tu tu )

*sigh*

Me : Yap ah ~... tired ohh ... want to go or not leh ?

Yap : well you just agree to go so then , go lah ~

Me : yeah hor , moreover , he's an old pal , he invited me , go and meet him lah ^^ hehe

Yap : yeah loh ~ go and meet him see whether he's still good or not lah ~ ^^

Me : ok ^^ oh , the bus came lah ~ you be careful wor , bye bye dear ~

Yap : bye bye ^^ take care lah ~

I waved my hands towards Yap after I got into the bus , she waved hands towards me as well. Then , because today was Saturday , the whole Seri Kembangan area was sucks with cars. I left at 1:23pm and arrive there at 2:15 , still got the chance to sleep for a while in the bus wakakaka ~ I suppose Chee Hoe has arrive there as well , when I got in , he follows behind me ( ''=.= ) why aren't sitting in the restaurant waiting for me leh ? aiyo ~~ We both was kinda happy to see each other ( although I was really tired ) but still , hey , meet back old pal ~ thats a great feeling. We both talk and talk and talk and talk , about life , about everything lah !! And I really found that , He has turn into a very mature guy :) I bet he has seen life more than I m , work for his father's company , studying in college , has his own car , was a small boss right now , and met all kinds of people... but still :P the habit of praising himself didn't change at all :P but i guess that's him ^^ that's chee hoe ^^ Our conversation couldn't leave the life during form 1 till 5 , about the friendship we both have and also with others , how cool.

After a few hours of talking , is really time for me to go ~ ( I was damn damn tired) He offer himself to send me back with his car. I saw his car was like woah!!!!!! Nice car !! :D !! I forgot what name was it blek :P hehe :P but hey nice car man ~~ he paid the toll for me , and we both continue a little chat in car , until I reach home , he waited for me inside the car until I get in. What a gentleman ;) I fail to find my keys , the sky started to rain , he still wait in the car until I found the keys and get inside the house. He's a kind lad ;) well , chee hoe , I wish you all the best in your life here ;) jia you my friend. (^_^ )v

If I were given a chance

If I was given a chance , I really do hope I could stay forever 17. Stay together with my friends again , doing scouts activities all together , arguing all together , crying all together , and happy all together again :) ... haiz... I hope I can meet albert again ... he's the best leader I ever had , and my bestest brother.I hope... we all friends and classmate will run together as a team again , trying so hard for the chinese society activities ... and back stab teacher all the time XD we went passionate with singing , and dancing , *snif snif* and and T.T hardworking together so that all of us could reach the goal for spm.We ponteng class session together , and lie to teachers all together ... we went crazy when teachers were not in class.. hahah those guys always got caught by the fierce dicipline teacher in school Pn pao pao , using the sound system , and call out all their name , while they were playing soccer at the field.The whole school heard that XD how cool !! hahah !! XD nothing ever greater than friends :( especially when they were friends with you for years... :( ..... but now... we sort of loosing contact... all have own lifes .... *sigh* why can't this remain still ? haiz.... still .... things were changing every moment. We have to accept that.

Weird taxi driver .... ''-.-

After having a whole day learning and cooking ( including writing three pieces of stupid essay ) I was really really really damn tired... and still , Yap asked me to accompany her practicing a song using school's old piano~ So I agree to teacher her one very very very simple song, LONG LONG AGO.Which is a song that can be categorized as level 6 in the piano grades. Is level six , not grade six.I give examples to her , teaches her how to play , hold her hands one by one , sing together with her , repeating the same song over and over and over and over.... again. Few hours were passing by , and she could only manage to mastered the intro version of Long Long ago, haiz...how pity. thats only the verse part...bass part...the frontest note.So then I try asking her to relax and talk with me.And so we did, we both chat and chat until 6 O'clock.We decided to leave the school

I take the bus from school , and arrive at The Mines bus stop.So that I could take another bus and back to my own place.But man , I was too tired.Couldn't wait the bus for an hour anymore... moreover , there were lots of people waiting for the bus....must be full today.haiz.... Suddenly there is one blue colour taxi came in and stop infront of me.A decision was playing in my mind whether I will took the taxi or the bus ? If I took the taxi , it will cost me 10 ringgit... expensive though... but if I took the bus, I will definately went back home late.AH !!! Doesn't care anymore , I'll take the taxi , cost me ten riggit then I don't care.

When I open the taxi's door , I saw a man who had this arabian look , or bosnia , I don't know, but I told him the place I stay and he told me the prize , and I accepted the prize , and that's it. I went back home by taking the taxi.At first , both of us remain silent until when I almost reach my home , I told him to go futher , and he ask me which school I'm taking , I told him that I study at Seri Serdang school , the next thing he ask , was a little bit weird , He ask me whether I had a boyfriend , I said Yes ( bluff haha ) , and then the conversation begins with

arabian / bosnia taxi guy : Ohhh , you have boyfriend , I see I see... how waste..

Me : what ? waste ? haha why ?

Arabian / bosnia taxi guy : well if you don't have one , I might consider to have you as my girlfriend.

Me : oh , haha , you were too kind.

Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : How old are you ?

Me: 19

Arabian / bosnia taxi guy : 19 !? Woah ! I thought you were younger ^^ because you were wearing uniform and you definately look younger than your age.

Me : really ? thanks

Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : well but still , that's quite a young age , I was 10 years older than you , haha me 29 now.

Me : I see , that's cool

Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : hey , why don't you try help me to find a girl like you ?

Me : why would you want a girl like me ? I have nothing good :P

Arabian/bosnia taxi guy : well , you look beautiful

Me : oh ? thanks , that's too kind of you

Arabian /bosnia taxi guy : HAHAHA !! KIND HAHAHAH !!

Me : yes yes , thanks for the compliment

and when he arrives at my place, he IS still talking to me the same thing about finding a girlfriend that looks like me for him and say is more better if I m the one , and so on ,and he handed his phone number to me , just like.... what onisan did the last time... oh my god.He's a random poor taxi guy man oh man. This is crazy. I paid him the money , and tend to get off the car , he still ask me to miss call him , or contact him afterwards. Of course , I put a fake smile for him and say , oh oh , hahah ok ok . ( blek , don't want )and ask me whether did I always took the taxi back home. ( I answer him nah , nope , only this time ... actually :P many times already lo ~~ hahaha !! XD )

the conclusion is , weird taxi driver nowadays on the road. pLS BE CAREFUL.THANK YOU.

一位明星的LEGEND

林丹。。相信对中国上海七十年代前到后的歌坛人物以及演艺圈有兴趣的人，都会比我更清楚林丹姐的故事。。。她是天涯歌女周旋的好老师，好姐妹。在她还没离开这世界前，曾经生活在明星界丰厚与华丽之地的她。。。并不快乐。而在她失去该有的名气之后，生活简直惨不忍睹。甚至得沦落到做妓女，浮昌的地步。可见当时的上海社会，要持有不断的名气的女歌星，女演员，是件遥不可及的事啊。所以以前的女明星呢，大多都是英年早逝，而且多半都选择自杀。像演艺极好的阮玲玉，和持有金哨子的周旋，都是以自杀来了断自己的生命。。。可在现今社会，也何尝不是这样呢？拿个例子来说，像张国荣这蛮有特色的演员，也走上这條不归之路。唉，做明星的，真难。他们面对的，可不只是单单普通的挫则。。。而是一而再，再而三的波折。。。他们的寂寞，空虚，没人能了解，只因他们都是艺人，要求的，可能茅盾，可能简单，也有可能负杂。越出名的明星，可能越难了解。就好像音乐才子，贝多芬，脾气古怪，喜怒无常，没人能够真正的了解他的想法，说的好听点，这叫艺术家脾气，说得难听点的，不就是怪人咯。人言可畏，我想大家都明白其中的意思吧。　

记得梅艳芳姐曾经说过一句话　：“我每出一张支票，我就会少了一位朋友”。越成名的明星，越会感到寂寞万分。艳芳姐的死，和林丹姐一样。是病死的。虽然她们俩的身世就差了那么的一半，可论性格，在某些地方，还得将她们俩给联想在一块。　

林丹姐的离去。。
让大家都领悟到，
生活对一个女明星来和说
不是丰厚和华丽的赐予，
欲望的复活，
成功的寂寞，
和芳香的痛苦，
隐藏在明星的光环之下。。
吞噬着每一双仰视的眼睛。


在下的照片，是属周旋的样貌。找不着林丹姐的。。请多多包涵哦。嘿嘿。

I love standing in the rain because no one knows that I'm crying.

Is raining , and I'm still standing in the rain waiting for my dad to come and fetch me back.I didn't bring any umbrella , usually , I do love soaking in the rain , and was happy for it , but this time , I hate it. My dad always went late when it comes to fetching me back home. But if that person was my brother , he will be the earliest one in the whole world to come. I just don't understand , if you think you want to wait for my brother until he finish his extra classes, why don't you call me ? And notice me about that ? I'm like a fool you know ? I still remember yesterday, when i was asking you to wait only one hour more to come because I need to join the study group together with my friends , only.. one hour.. but you definately can't wait for that and was using a very impolitely tone rejecting my favor , ok, i understand , you have your own work to deal with , I don't deserve to ask you for a help even a tiny little help , only my brother has the right to ask for your help , eventhough he needs you to wait hours for his extra classes. If you don't want to do the same as you did for my brother , fine. But today , was a different thing , I did told you my time was 1:15 pm ( finishing school ) while this morning we were all in the car right ? But did you really listen to what i said ? Or you choose not to listen to my word ? If you insisted to wait for brother , call me then , I'll take the bus myself , don't need your car at all , but you didn't. You think is funny ? Cheh , if I'm the one who ask you to wait for me , I don't think you would do the same for me . And the worse is , I don't know why the hell am I so afraid of you , is raining , I can choose to wait inside the school like I always did during the last time , and you can call me if you have arrive in school , but , you scolded me for that , like it was a very serious problem , asking me why am I waiting inside the school , shouldn't I be coming out standing there and wait for you so that you won't need to wait for me. Hey ... brainless dad ( He isn't brainless , he is smart for pissing me off ) !!! Is raining can't you see that !!?? And is heavy !! rain !! Am I wrong to do that ? Ok lah ~ if you don't feel like fetching me then just don't do it !! I will take the bus myself !! Don't need your car !! And today , you make me feel like a fool , because of your King of the kings order , I needed to wait outside the school , while the sky was raining heavily , my book was all wet and my beg as well ( and my shoe cheh~ ) , that's not the main point , the main point is , I waited for you for hours ( fuck you dad , I'm tired ) , and you only will came to fetch me if my brother had finish his extra classes. Soon's car is coming towards me , she was asking me whether I need a ride back home , I decided not to wait for you , I absolutely felt SORRY for that your HIGHNESS , but this damn phone , No , the damn Hotlink phone card family , I just updated my phone credit one week ago , and is over one week now , they closed my phone credit account and stop me from using it. I can't call you , I have no choice but to wait here or else I would get smack by you again , and i don't want to waste my time arguing with you like I did last time, and is full of bullshit , because you are always the one who was RIGHT. So I waited you like a fool , listening to my mp3 , my tears are out , just feel a little bit disappointed , not with you slut , but me myself. I found that I am really useless , even a small tiny little thing , like now , I can't deal with it. I should learn to drive so that I don't need to depend on you to fetch me , I should work , to earn some money on my own so that you , slut , won't be able to insult me everytime when I need your money to buy some books from school. I should leave this house earlier and fight for my own freedom and my own dreams , so that i wouldn't need to stay here , studying those stupid business courses that I aren't interested with it at all , facing those stupid teachers that always think I would fail in life with my attitude , facing those people who always think I went cheating during the examination , facing those jealousy from my so call friend. I even fail for my own love life , don't even know the ways to maintain a true relationship, even the best one I found now , feel disappointed with my words, I can't send him any cards because I had lost his address ( stupid computer blew up suddenly) and I'm not sure whether he will came online after this one week, I really should call him, telling him that I'm sorry but I don't know how.I just fail everything in my life, even Soon has to help me for some certain matters ( although I don't really agree that seeking for help is a failure act , no honestly , is the smartest and most wisdom choice of all ) But still , I felt really sorry for her to have a friend like me. I m sucks when Yap she was crying for help and tired about her life , I can't do anything for her to leave her fiercely Mom. T.T My tears are rolling , but no one sees it , that's really a good thing cause I'm standing in the rain , no one knows that I'm crying. But you slut ( my father ) I won't hate you , because I've lost hope in you.If can , I really shouldn't consider calling you as my father , but the fact is I can't , this is the fact that no one could ever change. At least a call , but you didn't , instead of calling me , you let me waited you for so long. When I got in the car , you still blame me for not telling you the time instead of saying sorry to me ( well , you won't anyway , always ). Great. For now , I'm speechless.You found it funny for torturing me like that , go on , childish slut. I just recover from fever and now my fever was back again.But luckily wasn't that serious like the last one did.
...
...
...
...
...
...

I m sick of it.

And I want to thank a lower six girl that lend me her umbrella while she tend to leave , thanks , I appreciate your kindness. ;)

strange....

When I have arrived , I was alone. This places , seems strange and new to me somehow , where is this place ? The weather,is gloomy...it feels like...haiz.. And then I walk , and walk , until... I saw a Palace... a huge palace. The outer design of that palace , was exactly the same as those palace that can usually be seen in the European country. A little bit greeny i remember , but kinda dark colour it was...Something , I don't know what it is , push me in, so i did. I went into that palace , inside it , was dark, no lights , but still remain clear.A women came to me and welcome me in,she told me that she is the one who responsible for bringing me in and visit this Palace. I don't really understand and clear about what she said, and i don't remember a thing now about her expression .So she did brought me in and have a look around....inside there, was gloomy as well...But you can always see lightning and storm surrounding the whole palace... only the weird thing is , you couldn't hear any sounds of it...

I really forgotten lots of thing about there , until she take me out of that huge building , we were still remain in the Palace territory , I saw no lightning and storm again , only gloomy sky. Infront of me , was a very huge swimming pool , beside that swimming pool , there were some basketball players playing basketball over there ''-.- man what a strange place. Next , she insisted me to follow her going somewhere , so then i follow, but i saw two guys that looks familiar to me , I saw Kah Khun and Roti Brother ( My primary schoolmates and also secondary schoolmates , can be considering as old pals ) they both were in the basketball team , playing all together. They saw me , and they call my name , I was totally shock when I saw them both looks taller than they were last time.... I was wondering how they could manage to increase their height that quick ? Both of them are like a giant to me now !! Was indeed , a bit scary... to see them grow that tall. But still , I wave my hands back to them , and continue myself following that women... but... where is she ?

I saw a staircase... so I decided to went up and see what's up there .... I ran upwards , until I reach the toppers floor, I saw nothing.... but just some wooden fences surrounded the whole place... only a certain part wasn't fencing it... so i decided to went down again... but hey? Where is the staircase ? I was using it for the last few minutes didn't I? Oh god , how am I going to get down there ? Suddenly , I heard someone calling my name again , is... near the corner where there is no fences surrounding it...So I walked near there , and seek for the person who was calling my name. Luckily !! It was Khun and Roti Brother, they , woah.... ''-.- they were tall enough to have the same measure height as one building does. Kinda...weird though... their leg looks really thin and fragile.... but long. No longer then I told them about my situation,they decided to help me by asking me to step on their arms and they will bring me down from the top, but ... what !!?? Step onto their arms !!!? Oh dear , please don't scare me , was really high up there , I was frigging scare !! But still I did (xP) . I step on it ( their arms) and immediately Khun grab my body , I hung my hands around his neck and he bring me down, phew !!!! Thanks pal , ;).

Suddenly, the whole thing surrounded me were changing. I was now ,standing in a green green glassy field , with lots of colourful flowers and mushroom , but kinda huge... like those always seen in the television programmed .... erm what was that name again ? Teletubies right ? I don't know what the shit am I going through now , but still this place was freaking awesome, cute and nice. Then i heard some girl's calling my name again, I turn my head back , and I saw Poh yue....also one of my classmate...Huh? Why is she here anyway? She's wearing a very beautiful gaun..and she's beautiful.She brought along some few girls which I couldn't see their faces clearly and properly. They were selling roses... Black roses. Well , wasn't really that black after all , indeed , was darker red. Really nice colour they were. Poh yue grab my hand, like she usually does in the actual world,and bringing me forward...further to some place where I saw lots of Japanese houses , ya know , like those wooden house all rooms combine together... each room has the same measuring. And each room ... has the same decoration ''-.-. I saw each owner of the room was sitting there , playing piano... their piano were all near the doors, and their doors were open as well. They never stop, kept playing and playing , but no sound at all. Then Poh Yue , she came to a woman's room, asking her if she wants any black roses...hey... this woman... she's my school teacher , what the ''-.- Pn.. Leo Lily !? What is this shit going on here!!? As usually does , she stare at us with a pair of cold eyes... and remain silent. But still , she got up from her piano chair , and walk out , choose the biggest black roses from us. Erh... I didn't saw her paying us any money or I forgot about it whatever.... but then she put it into a vase , and continue playing at her own piano. When we tend to leave , suddenly she called my name , and ask me whether I want to buy her roses or not ? what the shit ''-.- then you bought it for what if you wanted to sell me for the first place anyway. But weird... I told her that maybe I would buy from her tomorrow, she still remain silent , and look at me with her pair of cold eyes ( like she wanted to murder someone else ) and sat down again , continue practicing her own no sound music. We all leave... then the whole situation change again.

Ok , fuck you , where is this place now ? Can I just leave here pls ? Is really a strange place it was... I was back to the place where all the sky were gloomy and blue... man this feeling... this feeling was like ..... I was four at that time , and and , my parents use to send me for baby sitting everyday, that place where my parents send me to , the feelings... was exactly the same as now... gloomy , and blue... the skies always seems rainy to me but no rain at all. Then some nice colour of flowers .... is all exactly the same....purple colour lah ~ pink colour lah ~ I always remember , when my dad fetch me in with his car , then ask me to go in myself. Then , there is one nice baby sitter, always smile at me when she saw me. But of course , not all I could remember. I was four that time at my age.

Then the place change again ~ ''-.- shit , gan bi nia but chew chi bai indian marabutt. This time , was a hospital, I saw a room with lots of babies in it.But only one baby were left outside the room. I walk near to the baby, and look at him/ or her... that baby was very very quiet...other babies inside that room , all were crying , some so called nurse ( with a very very strange costume...like holloween costume , cheh , no wonder baby kept crying lah~ ) were looking after them.Then I continue looking at the baby who lies infront of me ~ hey ~ that baby smile towards me ~ cuty one. ^^ Then suddenly, a women appear infront of me ( what the shit ''-.- , wei , stop lah wei ~ you scare me lah ~ fuck you) She was the women I saw at first , when she said she will bring me visiting this places. ( cheh , you fail your duty auntie ~ ) She look at me , and said , this baby , is you. Huh ? @.@ Hey I remember now ~ my mom used to told me that , when i was born , the hospital has no space left for me to stay inside that room , so i was the only baby that left outside the room , at the corridor there.... But still , muahahahah ~ mummy said I was a good girl no cry de !! ( ^^v , PEACE) The next thing , that women said something , I don't really remember what she said... but the only one sentence were clear to me was , what ah... ~ you were born alone ? And will be alone for the rest of your life ? ( in chinese lah ~ ) this is your destiny ? wtf !! choi !! ''-.- man this place was weird weird weird , the situation keep changing , everything kept changing ~ really stupid !! Then she kept mumbles mumbles ~ I can't clearly hear what she says , but this woman, she looks familiar to me, where have I seen her before ?

Actually there were lots of places I had been to ~ including the place where I stay for a night , the place where I found it cool and interesting , but really I'm sorry , I can't remember a thing now , only a few that stated above there , was the clearest part where i could really remember.
The only thing i knew was , I woke up early in the morning , 2am something ,then i discover that everything that happens no longer ago was only a dream , I was sort of afraid with that dream I got because everything seems really weird and strange to me...Mushroom head... huge flowers.. Ancient European Palace... Black roses ... a chinese woman ~ my teacher and some few friends of mine... and some more but i couldn't even remember them.

*sigh* ''=.= tired...

Back to China

Recently , my mom , has bought a Chinese drama back to home , and was happy about it. Well , usually , i don't see it special honestly , but this time , i was attracted with its golden cd case , artistic and nice , it contains 4 cd in it , was kinda cool to see that. The next thing i did was , read the story synopsis behind that cd case ( to avoid from being a dork,sitting there watching those stupid ass drama ) , and I found it kinda interesting. The story was about the situation in China where after Lincoln Abraham had released those black people from being slaves and France had announced the civilization world changes , no more republic of china and so on because Dynasty Ching has fall to dead lol and Shanghai had change into a modern city by the mostly influences from France,England bla bla bla .

OK , so , the story was about a big family in China , with the ser name Shang (尚) , the big Master , the only ruler in the family (During that time , every Chinese Family will pick the oldest one to be their leader in the family , the leader will took a roll as the "Emperor" ( which only knows sitting there and ordering people ) , orders from the leader must be obey by the members in the family. And what pisses me off was , he was an old fucking guy with four wifes , what !!? blek !! Alright , let me explain to you why he has four wifes. First, he's a pervert that loves to make sex sex sex everyday , Second , China, Foshan was indeed a very boring place ( unlike shanghai ) , no great entertainment , how can you expect a pervert to sit properly without having sex ?
And his first two wife , are old , he sure don't want lo ~ that's why , he search for another two sexy wife to serve him ~ cheh ~ Third , only making love outta nothing was the best game during that time ( Just look at Shanghai then you'll understand what i said , they can almost make love everyday at anyways ... erh... sorry is , *cough cough* anywhere~ hehe ) Fourth , having thousand of wifes was count as a normal thing for mens. ( Look at those fucking emperor )

to be continue......

心灵能量最重要。

能量。能量必须时时储存，才能释放出动人光华。

曾有一位女老师教诲我们，学历越高的女性，越不容易嫁出去，她特别以我们这班的女性为例子，
说像我们这样的女生，一定会要求另一半 “身材比我高啦 ， 学历比我高啦，收入比我高啦” 所以就是难上加难了。我立即申辩 : " 其实，只要能谈得来就好了。''

'' 谈得来？’’　我的女老师拍案叹息　：‘‘这要求简直是太高了’’

我以为这已是最低标准了，怎么会太高呢？从此以后，我再也不敢谈论所谓的择偶条件。同时观察着，那些不高的择偶条件都是怎样的呢？

这几年来，电视常有相亲速配的节目，收视率也都很不错，我最感兴趣的是，那些年轻女孩高谈阔论，宣告自己的择偶条件：‘‘月入五万以上，要有车子，应该要有自己的房子，至少房子的头期款已付清。。。。。。原来，这就是所谓的‘‘择偶条件’’。

最近有位女性上电视当来宾，主持人例行公事的询问择偶条件，另一位同样未婚的男性来宾清清触楚提出　：‘‘要有长头发’’，我却在一旁困惑着，长头发有什么重要或特别呢？　任何一个女人只要改变心情，都可能把长发剪短，也可能戴上假发变长发，这竟然可以成为择偶必须的条件？　

那位女性后来诚实的说：‘‘拥有相当的心灵能量才是最重要的’’　，　结果引起一阵哗然，议论纷纷，说这不但难度指数到达前所未有的六颗星级，而且有点玄之又玄了。

我的想法是，头发啦，身高啦，收入啦，车子房子啦，都会随着外界环境而改变，其实并不可靠，所以也不重要。真正要与我们长久相处的，并不是这一切可以看见的东西，而是内在的心灵。具有能量的心灵，能在富贵时不迷失，穷困时不消极，知道自己真正想追求的 理想与目标，所以不轻易收到诱惑。人生难免有高潮低潮，唯有心灵能量充足的人，才能用保良好的情感与生活态度。

在情侣分手，夫妻分离，情感充满各种不安定因素的时代，我坚信真正能牵手走过人生道路的，都是心灵能量相当的人。

Sick....I will take care of you ~ ^^

Wah.... sick ah ~ very cold ah ~ fever now... Morning , hot like hell , then evening , it keeps raining like shit , the wind is cold , and I was on duty for the librarian again , going back home by bus , And got soaked a bit in the rain , so I decided to wait for my dad to fetch me back at my mom's working place. Mane tahu itu stupid punye air conditioner , keep blowing me , directed to my face , i was damn cold , then my mom she order a hot tea for me , feels a little bit ok after then , but still damn cold. haiz..When back to my home , is already 8 pm something , I have waited my father for three hours , and i do not know the what's the difference with traveling home by public buses.

I started to felt some headache , and cold , but my forehead was indeed very hot. So I cover myself with blankets , no fan , no air conditioner , just me and my blanket , my bed , my room, and my cute pillow. But i can't sleep , so my mind starts to think and imagine things as it usual does all the time , I flash back the memory that happens between me and Soon this morning , at school , when we all have to enter the ICT ( Informative Computer Technology) room for General Knowledge class period. We have some few presentation to finish. But Soon were head to the wash room with Yap , so i decided to prepare the books for them , I took out the General Knowledge text book out from her bag , and her pencil box as well , I thought she might be needed to write something else during the class session ( because i noticed her habit , she always noted down things from the teacher which she thought might be important for the coming test week. ) And so I took out her text pad , oh yeah , she loves drinking water , and then i did the same as well to her bottle. Then Yap , i did the same thing to Yap , took out everything she needed to bring. I was afraid that they might mistaken the the place for the class , so i wrote down a few words on the white board , >> PA class , head forward to the ICT Lab , be quick my dear , or else teacher scold muahahaha ~ XD , dedicated to Soon and Yap XD. << Then i left the class , and ran to the ICT lab immediately.

A few minutes later , they both showed up , on their hand , was the stuff that i had prepare for them , but what i saw was , Soon's wet , teary eyes. I was kinda shock to see that , but never forget to took out my tissues and handed to her , asking her what happen , asking Yap what happen to her. Yap had a sweet smile on her face and said >> Jie jie very touchy nia ~ that you prepared everything for us both , now she love you liao ~ :P
And i was like =.= ''' what ? well ... is a normal things that friends always does ... I don't see any reason for you to cried like that ( of course all these was in my heart blek :P ) But she told me , that never ever for the rest of her life , someone did this to her , not even her ex boyfriend , not even her parents , not even her friends , and she were surprise to see that someone could actually , remember everything that she needed to bring , including her bottle. And she thank me for doing that , also with the tissues...
I was...I don't know.. but i felt some sympathy deep inside my heart for Soon. And was kinda sad to hear that , I mean never ever ? She needs to prepare everything for herself ? How come ? She was beautiful , nice , attractive , i beg any guys would do that for her , and and !! :D friends !! and of course her parents ;) but no ? man i don't know what to say but... I shall only tell her that , Soon , is ok , no one cares for you ? I will ;) . No problem girl ;) wakaka.

wah !!!! cannot ah !!! dizzy !! haiz.. now i needed to lay down for a while. stop here now.

Missing you...

~ missing you my dear ~

T.T get off of me , i don't need you guys.

T.T .... *SNIF SNIF* You guys.. really disapppointed me. I don't need a friend who doesn't support me and still discriminating me with your silly so call jokes ... I just needed a friend who will support me T.T , can be just words ,nothing else,I don't need more,then that's enough .Did i ever ask you guys to help me up before ? No.I did not ask you guys to help me at all ,because i knew i could handle all these on my own.( You guys didn't even wish to help me I m sure ) But why did you guys always looking down on me and insulted me with terrible words ? Maybe, you can just remain quietly and leave me alone if you do not wish to discover my real ability ( and always try to find the less side of me ) , and I don't care after all. But at this moment , you guys are over , I was hurt , but still remain strong. I will not give up until the end , and will not let anyone of you to disturb those decision that I've make , because no one in this world could make me feel inferior without my own permission. Pls , would you all just shut up ? If you guys are jealous at me then let's all together battle fair and square ( instead of constantly accusing me cheating in the examination ) ,if you were not , I shall say that stabbing other's back is a cowardly act. Whatever it is , I believe in my own ability, and i wanted to prove you guys that you guys were wrong about me.We'll see. I'll just remain silent now , say whatever you guys wished to say, I did not want to decrease my own knowledge and wisdom because of your cowardly , bad , stupid and negative thoughts . I have my own vision about my own future , you guys are just a bunch of rubbish and small matter to me , instead of what I'm having now, I'll still continue proving myself to be better and better . Sorry to let you guys feel disappoint , but i will continue walking through this journey of mine. And I'm sure that I could succeed better than anyone of you here.Better watch out. Yes , i did cry , but that doesn't mean I have lost , In fact , I have stronger mind ever than usual , and is like an alarm that reminds me to fight for my own dignity, I will not hate you guys because you guys , doesn't deserve for me to hate , I won't let myself to be punish by my own angerness for the mistake that you guys did to me. And I will never !! Drop any single of my tears infront of these dumb humans.

傻瓜gambatte！！

傻瓜要靠试咯，即将会很忙，之后才放假summer vacation 呢 ，天，要考两星期那么多呢！！这简直是要把我给逼疯了不成？？ 我会超想念他呢，两星期不碰电脑，唉。。。不过， 这也好， 男生吗，该懂得按排自己的时间，有disiplin 才是对的，该读书的时候读书，做事时做事。我就是看上他这点，才那么欣赏他，要知道，认真时候的男人，才是最Charming的，希望我的傻瓜可以Gambatte咯！！ 当然，这也包括我啦，绝对不可以输给他，也得像他那样才行，和他一起努力，创造更好的未来。；) 爱你， 傻瓜，让我门一起GAMBATTE吧！！祝你好运咯!!

勇敢

I.... haiz... don't know what else i can say anymore...

speechless.. and tired.... ahh.. i 'll just leave them and do my own things.

don't want to waste my time on these little problems.

haiz...just keep it to myself.And say nothing else.

我时常会感到失落，却不知失落本身意味着什么。

花有失落，因为花恋枝头；叶无失落，因为落叶归根。

月有失落，因为月亮会被乌云遮没；日无失落，因为万物为阳光唱着赞歌。

茫然中，我苦思苦索，失落是什么？

是付出惨重代价的失误？

是未经思考就轻易做出的抉择？

在每个展转难眠的夜晚，失落总是象魔鬼纠缠着我，无处诉说！

不过，最近的我，却想通了，

古今成大事者，必先苦其心志，饿其体肤，增益其所不能。

我会越挫越勇。

并且要好好加油。

我要做的，就是尽我所有的能力去办好每一件事，

have vision , have self-esteem , have self confidence , and knowledgeable.

有自信，永不放弃自己，才是最主要的。

真正的竞争对手，是自己。

只要有哪一份心，什么事情都能办到

决不轻易被任何情绪影响。

别人看我做不到？

我不信，我相信我可以，

并且还可以做得更好。

继续瞧不起我吧，你们才是使我成功的源动力。

我是个有知慧的人。

你们所谓的闲言闲语，

决对难不倒我。

因为我听不到，这些所谓的“话题”。

我也不会选择去听它们。

我会活得更勇敢。

勇敢的去爱一个人，

勇敢的悲伤。

勇敢的决望，

勇敢的说话，

勇敢的去做每一件事，

勇敢的去想我的未来。

坚强而稳固。我就是我。爱丝特。

“ 这世界上没有人值得你去为他流泪，真正值得你去为他留泪的人，一定不希望看见你哭。”

烦恼

" ...你應該這樣 .. 你應該那樣......... "
........................................................

這是我最近常聽到的一句話，
好多的建議一直從別人嘴裡湧出來，
我知道你們都是好意 ~
但我真的好迷茫
不要再逼我，
壓抑的情緒真的讓我有點透不過氣，
我需一個安靜的空間。

天空

好美。。。竟然给我抓到了。;)

好像天国的边缘。。

想念你。。。

朋友。。。谢谢你永不发放弃我。

好想飞。。。

好想飞。。。好想伸手抓住云彩。。。飞到天国去。。。再也不回来。

早晨起来，天阴阴的，雨依旧静静的飘着,一寸一寸,一丝一丝。

望着窗外那一直下着雨的天空，听着哗哗的雨声，喜欢这样绵绵的雨天,长长的落着,忘记了晨昏,忘记了时间,忘记了应该忘记的。雨如烟如雾，无声地飘洒在那空地上的瓦砾堆里、枯枝败叶上，淋湿了地，淋湿了房，淋湿了树。

听着雨的声音，慢慢的。。我睡着了。。睡着的其间，我仍然听到可爱的雨滴们，为我唱首催眠曲。好温柔。。好平静。我，很喜欢下雨给我带来的感觉，那哗哗声响的雨滴声，让我感觉不再寂寞，好安稳，好实在。。很舒服。那一份被保护的稳定感，是我一生人中再怎么找也不可能找到。

记得有人写过：人总喜欢夸大自己的悲伤。在某些因素的刺激下，会为自己寻找各种可以放任或自弃的理由。

我想，我就是这样吧。 ；）

想念你。。很想念。。

今天开学了，很认真听课。不过，也不免会想起你。。。那孩子气的笑容，阳光般的个性，很可爱。笑起来的他，很帅气，而沉稳中的他，很酷，很带气质。每天听着他说给我听的笑话，好气，又好笑。看着窗外的叶子，想起荷兰国。。想起他。还好今天的课都是revision,不然我又分心了。哈哈哈。但，你总让我心碎。。总让我心碎的你。。。我依然深深爱着。只想告诉你，不管你有多少个缺点，有多少个优点，这一切，都并不重要，重要的是，我喜欢你。希望你明白。

要画海报了。。。知道你今天会很忙，加油咯，你可以的，酷傻瓜。;) 爱你。

I saw her blog.

Choy send me a link , is Gaby's blog. Well ,honestly, it has been a long time since i talk to her. Just remember she was a very beautiful girl , with long hair , glasses , fair skin. A kind girl as well, loving , and caring. I saw her blog, and found out that, she fail in her love life again this time. Ha ha , love .. love .. love .. everything was about love. Sort of , tired about this "love" thing. I just don't understand... she was a brilliant , beautiful young girl, any guy who have her as lover must be very glad and happy. But the fact is, no , they always disappointed her. Lack of appreciative towards her good. I dont' see any wrong in her, really , but why? On the other hand , i discover one thing, some guys , will appreciate a bitch , they will have the desire to appreciate a bitch more than a kind girl that willing to sacrifice everything for them. This world... is always unfair. I really do hope one day , that Gaby could manage to find a guy that loves her more than she does. I send my wish to her. Good luck Gaby ;)

back to school again... sienz..

haiz... back to school again tomorrow ,

back to the life again where we need to sit there,

and listen to the most boring class session of all ,

back to the life again where i need to face those fucking teachers,

who always seems to be unsatisfied with my preference,

but when they have problems,

I m always the one to call for help. cheh

The only thing i was happy for is ,

I get to see my pals again ,

Desmond , Yap , Soon

Four of us will sit together again and do NIE i guess this week.

Then , is time for me to get set , and go , score for STPM. yep.

For now , that's the only thing i need to do.

Oh and of course , won't forget my sha gua ;) he he

Love him ;)

19 岁

再走出一点。。。年轻的梦就完毕了。。好想永远都活在这里。。。

數數手指...幾個月之後,將會是人生另一階段...

19歲...19 这個數目字...令我想起一樣东西...

不過我,不會講!!!

19...真的好難接受!!因為...我不想那麽快就....(講不出来)

雖然19歲可以做好多事情...

我知道...人,始終都一定要長大...

但19歲...令我有一種無形的壓力...

真的好希望,時間可以停頓...

永遠都擁有18歲...

Wake up.

wake up.. esther..


Is ... early in the morning 4:14am now.. Tuesday... i haven't sleep yet, or suppose I should say , that is my time..everyday... typical me isn't it ? ;)

Listening to one of Minmi's popular songs , Who's Theme , which was one of the theme as well , in the animation of Samurai Champloo..... I have to admit that , I ... Love it. I was falling in love with it , just when the intro cames into my ears...I don't know why...Some sort of blue feelings it would brought me into...sad.. but at the same time, sexy.. intimate...cute.. sweet.. happy.. i love the feelings that has been brought up totally by this song ~Like i could Imagine lots of different things from this special songs... Him... of course , and my .. blue life. Miserable , but , dreamy. I never wish my dream will end up somewhere else , but at the same time , i do hope , i could wake up from it and discontinue with it. Confusing .. indeed. Haiz...

I heard one of this phrases before , from a guy , whom I found him mature , and deep. Sometimes , i don't even understand what sort of msg is he trying to send me , yes , that shows me even more childish and less understanding than i thought. I always argue with him , when he told me that >> ' We are in a dream call youth. Someday, we have to wake up from it. ' I will never understand what that phrases mean and why ? That time , i thought , why ? If , you have a youth in your heart , you will always have a youth in mind!! And what he did was, he could only smile to me , and staring somewhere else with a pair of cold , nostalgic eyes ( like he was trying to send me someting more , but he stop ) then never reply my question anymore... For now.... i understand fully about this phrases. It was true. And why would he stop telling me ? Because i will never understand it unless I discover myself. Then i realize , is really time for me to wake up than drowning myself into that old , past years esther again. I m not , and I shall not be the Queen anymore. The , So call ego and emo Queen. For what egotism and emotional does to me.. has no benefits at all , but only the word cool. Yes , I can be myself , and be rebellious whenever i wanted to be.. but at the same time, I will lost every sense of maturity in my mind, one by one. Judging sense, professionalism , Manners ... and so on. But that's youth isn't it ? Always talking about setting me free and stuff , happy like it does , shouting here and there , being crazy for everything, no pain no gain , try on everything they thought it was cool. ;) ... I love it, but is enough i guess , my youth life.

And , I will say that again... and again.. to others.

' We are in a dream call youth.Someday, we have to wake up from it'

Introduce to you guys , Who's theme by Minmi's , enjoy.

During Holidays ...

During this holiday season , erm although it only last for two weeks , but it means a lot to me , The first thing i m going to do it , SLEEP !!! SLEEP SLEEP !! Man i really need sleeping though , during the examination week , almost everyday crawling up from my bed at the midnight , went for studies , and is really kut , i needed to set a time , and make sure that i will be manage to memorized all those words on time , like for example , let's say I 'll take business subjects tomorrow for exams , then , set the time ok , in 3 minutes , read page 89 to 90. Then , memorized out everything that you have read in 3 minutes again , then proceed to another page...the whole thing just repeat over and over again , it ends up , my brain is going to burst for that... So , i really needed some good sleeps , no nightmares for me , just sleep sleep sleep... wakaka...

Then , erm , planning for a trip maybe with friends , ya know , is kinda boring to live in my place , no friends , no great places to go , unconvenience enough...So, was planning for a trip to genting highland on this wednesday , but ... haiz for one day only nia ~ man , started to felt that , growing up is boring nia ~ if is last time , i could went out almost everyday in a week , but now , haiz... what the shit , plus , the whether is getting hotter and hotter , wouldn't like it if the whether was that hot , who wants to go out and came home like a rousted human ? Especially a girl like me , muahahah!! I always making sure that my skin won't be burn by the sun , don't want to be like indians ~ blek muahahah !! And all my friends , working , studies ... haiz.. if is my last time , every night we will lepak at the mamak store near my house , Taman University Indah , what a memorable places , almost every single each of my friends live there... *sigh* we can buy beer and sit at the play ground talking , drinking , singing , and all kinds of stuff. coolie , especially when when kester came to my house for piano practice , every tuesday ( there will be a night market held there every tuesday , both of us sure ask denise or or jian or meng juan out de ... now... haiz.. no liao ~ *sad* ) , or or we held on small barbecue community... see that ? Growing up , isn't fun at all.. cheh.

Study , i need to study , that's what i'm fearing of now , STPM , and MUET , really hope i can succeed it , it left only few months now , i have to do it !! Gambatte yo esther !! You !! Can !! You need to be a University student , that's what you always stuggling for , can't lose , can't fall , muahahah !! Don't really score for A's but at least cukup makan for me to be accepted by the University , then then ok liao lah ~ but man STPM is really hard , isn't hard to study , but hard to score , their expectation for pre - University student , is too high nia ~ put so high for what ? man oh man. I wonder did my parents make a research for STPM before ? Why so HAI put me in ? Only knew putting those HAI expectations on me cheh , but do they know i really want this ? for Now , i only have to wait for the death note result. If i was been given a chance to study courses that I wish for , I can sure of that , I will be studying very much more better than what i m studying right now.

12星座自殺前的自白

白羊座:我就是想自殺 沒別的意思.

好!就是這個強硬的態度!我要做的事,別人就不要管, 可是自殺都不管,那咱們也太*&#$%@@**&%#$........


金牛座:我想自殺,可是那個跳臺怎麽那麽遠啊!這麽長時間怎麽還走不到,告訴你!我自殺不成功可不願我,是因爲跳臺太遠了.還有,就是樓下的小吃太好吃了....

自殺的時候都能這樣..........汗!~~~~~


雙子座:我是選擇跳樓自殺呢?還是上*自殺呢?還是服毒呢?都很難選啊!不是我花心,而是沒個都很好啊!~~~~

那個...這是在自殺還是在挑女朋友啊!~~~~~


巨蟹座:完了!我的人生目標沒了,我要自殺.我看看先去樓頂,在爬上欄杆,可是我死了以後別人要怎麽說我啊,我要怎麽寫遺書啊,我的財産誰來繼承啊?我.......

.......想的還真是多,乾脆先去列個表在死好了.





獅子座:我自殺是有理由的,別誤會是別人不要我了.是我對覺得生活太沒意思了,自殺玩玩也很好啊,起碼不用花錢是吧!~~~我先自殺去了,別打攪我!~~~

自殺前還在要面子,獅子還真是.......


處女座:我要自殺拉!你們都別攔著我,媽媽你要好好保重身體啊!哎!~~我叫你別攔著我,等別著急,我現在先不 跳,等一下說完我在跳,哎!~~我都說了我先不跳了你怎麽還拉著我啊,你不知道你的手上有多少細菌,多少髒東西嗎?我今天新穿的衣服都叫你弄髒了!明天回 家好要我自己去洗啊~~哎別推我啊!~`我還不想死呢!哎!~~你.....

汗!~~~~這是自殺嗎?.......


天秤座:哎!~~~我這麽帥,還要自殺.你這麽醜,還要活著,憑什麽啊!~~~老天!你真是不公平!~~那個人!對!就問你呢?你說我自殺好嗎?我想問問你,我想自殺,可是不知道對不對?你能告訴我嗎?.....

都自殺了,還要徵求別人的意見...........


天蠍:左看右看)沒人發現我要自殺吧!幸好沒人.要是有人看到我自殺還不提前來推我一下啊!恩,找好位置,跳!~~~

還是這麽小心......


射手座:我要尋找我的自由,所以我要自殺,你說我爲什麽要找自由?我就是想找自由,憑什麽你能好自由我就不能找,我也要找自由讓你看看,哎!~~~我還沒說完呢!你怎麽就走了啊!回來!我要和你好好說道說道!~~~

自殺前還要和人理論一番.........



魔羯座:我就是要自殺,誰也別勸我了,我都決定了,誰說也沒用,哼!我要去天堂,誰我都不帶,就我自己去.恩?先想想天堂是什麽樣的呢?

自殺吧!沒人和你搶著上天堂!



水瓶座:我要爲個人而戰鬥,所以要自殺,這個世界太可怕了,我要自殺!~~~

那個...就是你死了,世界好象也改變不了什麽吧......



雙魚座:我想要自殺,可是我又不想自殺了,我很鬱悶才想到自殺,可是我心情又好了,到底要不要自殺呢?我好好想想啊.....

心情變的還真是快啊......