Teacher shouldn't have involve student into their personal problem and SPICY !!

Tibo will not be online for about three weeks or more , so do I. I really need to concentrate on my studies now ~ is just few months left , waiting for STPM to arrive. So , in this three weeks , I planned for my own targets and goal , and another reason for me to do that , was that ... man , I'm really boring and lonely without him , i miss him :( ( cause is like a spell now , chatting with him everyday is a must ) , have to move my concentration to my own studies then and of course others as well. (*shy to tell that OTHERS ) muahahah ~ .

SO , I was heading to school today , and when I arrived , as usual nothing much happen , except by saying HI !! to Ong's sister. Then I head to my own class , and saw Yap , Soon , were both sitting there , eating and talking ( that's what they usually does all the time early in the morning ) Desmond was there as well , talking craps again :P XD !! Yap ask me to tried on her new discovery , Nasi Labu with special malay recipe of spicy chili sauce. So I did , and was very fantastic. ( I mean , the great amount of chilies ) Ever since dining with Yap , I changed into a very horrible typical spicy search vampire maniac. Trust me , you won't want to know how horrible are we both trying out those really cool and spicy meals out there somewhere in Serdang. And it somehow influenced my original taste of dining a nice , warm , non-spicy chilling meal , I totally changed , and was lovely to try out every different level of spicy chilies , or curry , or whatever they call , anything else with the touch of SPICY !!! YAY !! YAY !!

Suddenly a teacher came and stood beside the class door. She was asking for Desmond , and Desmond stood up like a man ( lol :P ) and went to her. While she was telling Desmond about something , I stare and see what's happening , of course , meanwhile talking with Yap. I wasn't really sure about the whole thing , but this morning , I do saw some junior student from the lower six came into our class and did the cleaning for us for about a week ? I ask Desmond about why and when , he told me that it was because they had lost the game during the orientation day and was ordered by the teacher , Pn.Rapidah for helping us with those cleaning in the classes. Or else they've need to pay for the lost. But they refused to do so , and they'd agree to do the cleaning for us. Ha ha , honestly I don't know why it has to be this serious anyway cause we didn't even have those so call punishment during our last year , we lost , we lost , doesn't need any punishment or stuff.. moreover , IS JUST THE ORIENTATION. Wake up pls..

But anyhow , I was clear about one thing , the teacher came to Desmond and was asking about why lower six ( who lost in the orientation ) has to do the cleaning during the class time ? One thing for sure , they never ask them to came during their class time , they choose to do that themselves , they can come anytime they want to , cause we never force them to do so , moreover , without you guys we still can do the cleaning ourselves. But teacher , the way you ask is like accusing us that we are the one who ordered them and bullied them ? Or hello ? Isn't it better if you put this blame towards Pn. Rapidah ? Cause honestly we have nothing to do with it. and that's the truth. Ok , so Desmond was the Vice President for MT6 , so as Farihan who was the PRESIDENT of the MT6 ( lagi teruk man ''-.- ) One , will have to face the teacher and another one pretend that nothing is happening , sitting there and SLEEPs ? Judge it yourself guys ~

While during recess time , we were having breakfast , Desmond told Jenny about the whole thing that happens late hour ago , and she was very very very piss off with those teacher's act and also lower six student. Her piss off level was way on high man , way on high , I never saw her that piss before ... This was the first time I saw Jenny pissing off herself until the whole Canteen could hear her voice , some friends of hers surrounded her and all discuss together about this matter ( or shall I say... gossip ? ) :P and she was really angry , till she rolled her tears out. Woah.. I see... now I understand ... When you eagerly give others a hand for help , but they didn't appreciate , instead of that , they still accusing you about something that wasn't even your fault , and that was even a teacher. That , could really cause you some emo , can't even get the time to calm down on any other second , just feel like complaining to your friends. I knew that , cause I have that before , that is why , until now , I was sick of those teachers who keep asking me to do favors for them. CAUSE THEY NEVER APPRECIATE.

In a nutshell , teachers shouldn't involve students into their personal / or private problem , students were always being in the middle when it cames to teacher's between teacher's personal problems. You guys should see properly about who shall be the one who has to be pay the responsible for the faults , teacher , is just a job , Doesn't mean you are a King or a Queen. Pls be fair , and play fair. We students doesn't have any time for your stupid black dark moron stupid meaningless fucking teacher's politic's games .Until then , Thank you.

Yay ~ Soon drived us to Somewhere located infront of the SK school for spicy Pan mee !! muahaha !! XD !!

When you're gone.. T.T

Let us sing ~

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie , is made on your side.
When you walk away , I count the steps that you take
Did you see how much I need you right now ?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you....

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do..
Reminds me of you.
And the clothes you left , that lie on the floor
And they smell just like you , I love the things that you do ~
When you walk away , I count the steps that you take
Did you see how much I need you right now ?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing to
When you're gone the words I need to hear
Will always get me through the day...
And make it okay...
I miss you ,

We were for made each other
Out here forever
I know we were.. YEAH ~~

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breath I need you to feel you're here with me ~~ yeah ! ~~

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you....

T.T... Touching ~~

Wish tibo all the best !!!

Now !! Your Highness Queen have something to announce here , about Tibo , the young brave knights of Queensland will be leaving tomorrow to full fill his own mission within this three weeks , the place where all famous killers were born , PRAGUE at Czech Republic , a killer's city , to save the whole nation from their own country. His loyalty towards Queensland will never be forgotten. For now , The Queen will send Her Highest regards and wishes to this wonderful Sexy Young Knights , for he will save the whole nation in Czech Republic and die immediately with Honor and Pleasure , in France.Young Great Knights will never live forever after he had done his first mission.He must kill himself as for a payback after his murdered.Once a Knight has did the murderer crime , he wouldn't be call Knights any longer. The Queen felt proud for Tibo's Brave action.Let us all wish for this Young Great Knights,Tibo will rest in peace forever. Hallelujah.Amen.

what happen ?

what happen ?

what happen !!?

what happen !!!!!!!???

what happen to us ? ? ? ? ?

T.T ...

WHAT HAPPEN !!!?????????????????? !!!! GOD , PLS TELL ME !!!!!!! PLS !!!!!!!!

Something wasn't right at all... what should I do ? Give me a sign pls...

Finally !!!!!!!

Yes yes yes !!!!!!!! Finally !! Exams finished today !! Muahahaha !!! XD !!

I'll relax about a few days ,then start my war again next week ~ so for now , PLAYED !!!

Let us sing !!

" And you want him !! And you need him !!! But you act like he's not there !!

" Yeah, you know that you're hollow !! And something's missing here !! "

" So you push and you pull the hole in your soul !! But you can't make the HUNGER!! DISAPPEAR!!!!!!! "

Guitar wave >> DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! DEN DE NEN DE NEN DEN !! .... :p HEHE

Ladies and Gentlemen , presenting ~~ HUNGER !! FIREFLIGHT !!

Gengster " SETTLE" fight.

Morning , windy morning. It feels really cold , really really cold , until I had some flu outta my nose.Today's exam , erm , ok lah ~ General Knowledge XD lack of time for that analyzing part, haiz... but most of it , was ok ~ and still can handle still. ;) muahaha

Wait till after school , Waiting for my hai dad again , I saw some cool scene :P where a bunch of Indians were fighting against Indians , how fuck =.='' usually , was Chinese fighting against other Indians and Malay. Seldom really saw those la la chai fight against their own races. But Indian's pulak ''=.= I salute them. No wonder they couldn't even cooperate together as once sometimes. So what's the point of fighting for their own rights from the country if they wouldn't even notice about their problem ? ( I saw some of my Indians so called friends , laughing against each others while they got scold by teachers , and push the responsibility to each others as well =.='' , and the worse is they could still laugh about it like a monkey =.='' )

But whatever it is , I continue on watching them , one of the Indian's member , scolded really loudly with proud... Aha , that reminds me of myself some few years ago , when I was a la la mui , and was kinda a fierce one. ( not kinda , I m -.-'' ) I knew how that Indian feels when he scolded people like that. He feels proud and cool , just like I felt from the last time. I could just scold and scold and scold non stop with all bad words , so hai lah ~ diu lei lou mou ~ fuck hai ~ zhi bet ~ so lin ~ diu nei ah xing ~ ...... ah... from that moments I realize that these words of mine sounds so ugly and yet together with the actions I had , was indeed , embarrassing. Dai gah jeh ? cheh , in a same word , HOOKER. Always , just little things happen >> wei !! go settle with them lo !! ... childish.


Oh well , I glad that is all over now. Will never turn back to that Esther anymore ;). It wasn't really a good memory anyway , So I'll just... forget about it ;)

冬天的到来。。。

也是秋天该结束它故事的时候了。。

你说。。。如果。。。

我们俩可以手牵手的。。。

穿过冬天的森林。。。

探索着这森林的另一边。。。

或许，有个城堡在那等着我们也说不定。

IT'S YOU - FIREFLIGHT

Fireflight - It's You lyrics

I wish that I could break all the mirrors in my mind
The ones that lie to me and steal away my pride
I wish I could be blind to everything that haunts me
If I use my heart, I can see your face
You show me the real me

It's You that I search for
It is You I can't live without
Your hope is what I long for
When nothing's left in me
It's You

This world is always trying to take a piece of me
But You are always there to make me feel complete
If I can keep my eyes on what You have for me
I will face the truth and never look away
You'll show me the real me

It's You that I search for
It is You I can't live without
Your hope is what I long for
When nothing's left in me
It's You

When I have nowhere else to go
And I can't find my way out
Your light it comes to guide me
I can't hide
You show me the real

It's You that I search for
It is You I can't live without
Your hope is what I long for
When nothing's left in me
It's You
(2x)



Song lyrics | It's You lyrics

My presentation was a success :D :D

WahhhH ~~~ my beg feels very very heavy today ~ cause of the stupid laptop :P i have to bring the whole laptop thing , and then the battery , and then that turtle bag thing , plus all the books and stuff , then need to climb the stair until the third floor. But all is worth it , they all gave a great response on my presentation slides :D :D , really happy with that ;). But one thing , i fucking piss off with that teacher who said >> of course lah ~ you use windows microsoft 2007 , all those high tech technical animations , won't found it in microsoft 2003...

WHAT THE FUCK !?

man stupid whore ,oh pls for god's sake , if you don't understand computer , pls do not PRETEND LIKE YOU DID !! I swear !! I swear to you that Microsoft office version of 2003 did include those animations stuff as well !!!! why don't you fucking ask those student whether are they too lazy for the effects or they doesn't even realize that power point were included with those cool animations and effects as well !!!?? huhh !!? fuck you !! Just because you guys were too stupid enough to discover it that doesn't mean I'm as stupid and as lazy as you guys did , DUH !! Especially when you were a TEACHER , pls be humble !! Ask !! I can tell you that your saying was a whole version of total COMPLETE NONSENCE !! BULL SHIT !! I just don't understand why all people surround me always thought they knew everything about anything while the fact is they don't even know a fuck either. Is it hard to admit that you don't know !? cheh. HUMAN'S. Now have to please her for paying a visit to the computer lab and proven to her that Microsoft version of 2003 do have those so called high technical effects ( did you even know what's high technical effects mean ? If i was allow to use other software I wouldn't even choose Microsoft you dork ) SEE SEE SEE ??? Why makes it so hard !? AHHh !! SUCKS !! Yeah yeah yeah ~ I LOVE TO USE THE HIGH TECH ONES , SO WHAT ? CAN'T ?

Was staying inside the Koperasi now , actually i wasn't allow to go in there , but cause of Yap ( she's a cooperator , was the best still XP , with certificates proven de leh !! No kidding ~~ ) and her teacher nice personality issue , I was allow to sit inside there while surfing for the internet , wonder how ? :P Laptop and Broadband lo ~~ Next , what do I saw ? I saw Yap's stress face ~~ very very stress , like the whole Coop was under in charge by her ( what to do ? she's the best :P HAHAHAH !! XD ) then all those Coop members who had the same duty as her , can't even do a simple thing ! Keep depending on her help.... so , Yap was force to run here run there ~ And her name haha !! XD

>>" YAP !! COME HERE !! "

>> "YAP !! HELP ME !! "

>> "YAP !! YAP !!

''-.- ... MAN ! These people. What are they here for ? Yap do the whole thing lo you guys don't need to finish your duties at all lo ~ ~ so hai !!

But that actually reminds me of a scene in the library when I was 16 that year , and hold the role as the Vice President ( wah ~ yeah lah yeah lah ) for the whole library. I was really friendly though , kinda famous , every each of the library members recognize me very well. I was known as a funny , easy going , approachable person. There is one Indian girl , I ask her to rearrange certain books on the bookshelf , and every each of it must be arranged nicely following with the codes sticker. She might thought that I was joking or what , but she didn't follow my order. This shows that , people who putting too much nice personality on their work , wasn't a nice thing at all. After all , you may attract people to even like you more , but it doesn't mean that they will respect you.Instead of that , they could take advantages on you. Just like Yap.

So I was kinda unsatisfied with her work, I repeat nicely once again , and she gave me this answer : " aiya , nevermind lah ~ teacher wouldn't even notice " .... ( what ? Is this your library now ? Do you own it ? )

After hearing this complete nonsense of hers , Immediately I said : " Wah !! Like that ah ? Ok , next week you don't need to come , I will type the resign letter for you , you just need to rest well at home. "


She was confused i guess , cause she's smiling towards me , thought that i was joking as well. I turn my voice into a more serious tunes , and told her that : " Our Library don't need a lazy person like you , even just some few books you can't handle , what else you can do ? Better go home ~ don't come here and waste my time , I don't like it. ( Indeed I hate it )

The whole library turn into silence for a while , even teacher heard what I said. But I think she did agree with my act though. Then started from that day , my name was a bit spoil... Someone backstabbing me behind,I knew who was it ,but I wouldn't care anyhow.But some did agree with me , and even respected me since for that day. For me,I don't think I have any wrong in that,she was being lazy and has to be taught,I would never put my own private issues into official issues , if you did something wrong ,I have to follow the right law to proceed my duties.

Wah ~ Yap ~~ so stress look ~ don't lah ~ but man Coop's life was far more better than Librarian's , well at least they have something to deal with. Us ? Cheh , sit there lo ~ taking care of that stupid counter , arrange some books , wrap some books , fix the computer , type in codes , doing what a clerk always does. The best one for me was , scolding those public nuisance !! yay !! scold scold scold !! yay !! XD !! COOL AH !!

I don't care.

Early in the morning. Gloomy clouds were floating all around above the sky.Cold wind came in and blew me out. A very cold morning today , suppose it should be raining then , but nope , just cold wind and gloomy weather. Same as my mood and feelings today.

Arriving at school , very tired. Wah , that presentation took me hours to finish it , damn sucks.Haiz , no choice , is for the competition , moreover , is for Soon.Don't want to disappoint her then.Promised her that I will finish it along with all brilliant effects and music. But first thing first,SLEEP. I could really sleep and forget about the class session which it will began to start , until my class teacher called out my name and making sure that if I was there.... @#$%&$^%*(*&%!!!!!

Obviously ,I was wearing yellow today , can't you see ? I just need that little time for some nap also can't cheh. While waiting for the General Knowledge teacher to come , Soon brought the laptop came and ask me to show her my erm , masterpiece :P wakakak. So I show her , but , fuck.This version of Microsoft was damnmit sucks , all my beautiful fonts and animation effects lost together with the song and all. Shit !! @#%$^*@*&#(*%*# !!!!!! Man , man !! Haiz , don't care , SLEEP. But I saw Soon's expression... she wasn't really happy though... *sigh*.... aaaiiii , ok lah ok lah ~

Me : Hey , why don't I'll bring the Laptop here tomorrow , then we could use my laptop and present it to teacher ? Cause mine has the latest Microsoft 2007 , could be better. Unlike this bariah so hai mah hai stupid version of Windows.

Soon : har ~~ ... are you sure ? Afterward your dad...scold you ?

Me : nah , won't ( actually .... erm... he will ) , I'll bring it here tomorrow ok ?

So , ok , this problem solve. Now , SLEEP.

Desmond : GOOD MORNING PN.NORHAFIZAH !

...... -.-'' FOR GOD'S SAKE !! @#$%@*$(@)*($*&@ !!!!!

Haiz... no choice loh ~ Now I really hate this teacher cause she always pay too much attention on me. Why ? Because my English got A all the time , she will purposely pick those student which she thinks , has the better English. ( Including Desmond and Prishan as well. But she will only pick Desmond for some duties , so Des has to be the slave for her. And Prishan ? She will try to make her feel ashame with her attendance all the time , but Prishan wouldn't care anyhow. )
As for me , everybody knows that I m the naughty one in classes , she pick me for that.

PN.NOR : ESTHER !! WAKE UP !!

ME : K , K .

But , when a person wants to sleep. He/She really mean it !! Can't stand it anymore , wah !! Gou li !! Still need us to finish all those stupid question. ai ai ~ So what did I do ? Still ... SLEEP LO !!

Me : wei Soon , when she came , push me ok ? Now I'll sleep.

Soon : hahah !!! *hehe* esther esther ~ ok lah , you sleep lah , she came I'll call you.

Thanks Soon ~ your the best. AHHHHHHHHH !!! SLEEP AH !! DON'T CARE !!

At last , recess time. After that Bahasa Melayu Class , lagi teruk. I still felt tired , really really tired , no mood , the whole day quiet. Haiz.. Yap ask me for a company to the library .... LIBRARY !!? YEAH !! CAN SLEEP !! But do you really think was that easy ? Really afraid that every minute teacher will wake you up , even in the library , you can't have the chance to nap , plus , there are many students inside there , really noisy , or they will stare at you if you do so. How fuck ~~ I wasn't really comfortable still. But Yap , oh Yap ~ yes Yap ~ that sweet angel girl , she offer herself to let me lean on her shoulders , and sleep , so that I could feel more comfortable on her shoulder , of course I would !! And I really had a great sleeping time , although was only 15 minutes , but I feel satisfied. Her shoulder , woah ~ really nice and soft :P XD !! Thanks Yap ;) glad to know you ;)

After school , having lunch with Soon. Then , wait for my daddy to come fetching me back. I wonder why was he so enthusiasm on fetching us this few months lately ? Who's idea was that ? THANKS TO YOU !! I have to wait for him for hours everyday !! duh !! He came , just as I thought , he scold me again for something that isn't my fault at all... *sigh* Scold lah ~ scold lah ~ scold scold scold , yay !! scold me yay !! hurray !! I don't care ~~ scold ~~

Right now , I just want to get back home , and SLEEP.

幸福其实也可以很简单。

我喜欢看张曼娟的书。每当读完了她的文章过后，很自然的，就会对人间充满了希望。觉得好幸福。

我喜欢，上网，看ｂｌｏｇ．最近，竟然给我发现了Ｘａｏ＇ｓ　Ｂｌｏｇ　－这位曾经是我同校同学的朋友，竟然有如此的天斌，在文学上大作一翻，显示出他所拥有的天份。可能大家的胃口都蛮一样吧，或者该说，他所写的文章都很合我们的胃口，我们大家都很喜欢读他的做品。每当坐在电脑面前，读着他的ＢＬＯＧ时，嘴角边。。都会很自然的微微笑了起来（ XAO，别误会，我并没爱上你啦 ），从而忘记了所有自认为是烦恼的小问题，变得很极积与开朗的去面对人生。我真好怀疑他的头脑是怎么来的，就从他的做品上来说吧，他所看到的，所观察到的，都跟我们很不一样。可能，某些人是有观察到一些事物吧，可是，谁能真正的像他那样领悟到其中的意思呢？好，先说明，这并不是无聊没事做，赞爽。这是事实。我相信，看过了他的ＢＬＯＧ的朋友们，也不得不像我这样好好的赞一赞他吧？我应该来一句，XAO，不得不承认，你已经成熟了许多. （ 还是你本来就是那么样的成熟？）哈哈，读他的ＢＬＯＧ，已经成了我其中的一个习惯 （ XAO！！ 写多谢！别偷懒！！ ）哈哈哈！！xD !! 每次看完了之后，都会觉得，哇 ！！真的 好幸福！！

昨天，心情很糟糕，很纳闷。看了看FRIENSTER ， 看了看IMEEM，发现了。。。T的信息。说真的，我真 不懂，应该给什么回应他。或许，还不是时候吧。

可能他看到了这个POST时会生气。但我还是要说。。。T，其实。。。我们大家都还不成熟。更别说谈什么成熟恋爱了，连什么是成熟我们都还不知道。事隔那么多天，该吵的，我们都吵了。那其中的道理呢？我们有去领悟到吗？我知道，也非常清楚。。。你要的，并不是什么年轻人，幼稚的和恋爱 ，你所要的，是那一生一世 ，我也是。可你看看我们 ，你觉得我们真的有可能吗？再这样吵下去，彼此的心 ，任何一方面都会变淡的。这一次 ，是你退一步让我 。以后呢？下一次？轮到我退一步让你吗？然后呢？再轮到你？根本。。。我们都没能够去真正了解到对方的想法。直到现在 ，我所能领悟到的，就只有 ，我们吵的话题其实大致上都一样。 你怀疑我，我怀疑你 ，到何时呢？好 ，就当作我来逃避我们之间的问题好了，我本身认为，彼此之间都应该分开不聊天好一阵子比较好，让大家好好的反省反省（或许，你该都认为你没有什么地方需要好好去反省的吧？ 我服了你。）

我真的。。。不想讨厌你。所以我选择了先退出。我为了你所做的一切，你永远都不能够好好的尝试去了解与珍惜。也许你说的对 ，你在我身边时，很可能会知道我究竟在想什么。可我却不能够保证，我在你身边时，是否也能同样去清楚和了解你的想法呢？我是一个，直肠直肚 ， 率直的女生 ，认为有某些话 ，说得越清楚越好。可我发现，每当跟你讨论一件事情的时候，本身都会产生着一种很大压力，原因？是因为你的话说得太多了，倒致到没人能够真正了解你所要表达的是什么，钻牛角尖，含糊不清，真怀疑当初你的ringkasan究竟拿了多少分 ，真是负杂到～～～～～不行。身为一个女生，我敢说 ，我为你做的，实在是太多了。认识我的朋友们 ，你们说，对吗？ 可到头来，还不是只换来了几个字说 “怀疑我的爱，到底真不真实”。你告诉我，我应当给于怎么样的反应你呢 Ｔ？是不是应该大方一点的说　：＂哦？你还在怀疑呀？那好，我就再加把劲，努力去爱死你好吗亲爱的？”　

我问你，你究竟想我怎样，你也说不出个理由来。也许连你自己本身也不知道为什麽你会对我失望，对我生气吧？还是你明明就知道，但因为了面子上的某些问题，你不想说出来？原来，男人，都是这样的。。。尊严大过天。尊严 ，比任何东西还来得更重要。我并不后悔在你身上赌注了那么多，甚至还很愿意为了让你高兴而偶尔委屈了自己的立场 ，可我很清楚的知道，宠你 ，和爱你 ，是两回事，是不一样的。我很傻，对吧？可我就是为了你 ，愿意继续傻下去。那又怎么样？你有珍惜吗？有，口头上的珍惜。行动上？。。。＊笑＊

我从来都没要求过你什么。（ 我问你，我有吗？我有吗！？ ）又不是叫你买东西给我 ，（你给我钱，我都不要！！）我只不过是要你好好的珍惜我所给你做的一切，就那么的简单。你别告诉我 ，就连要怎么去珍惜你也不懂啊？好！！　就当作你是你不懂！！就当本小姐现在搁下所有的面子来告诉你好了！！　就偶尔来个信息，说下你关心我，你谢谢我，你想念我。别总是等我送了给你，你才来一封，或者是等我等不到又来一封。空闲时你都在干嘛？？你很忙吗？笑什么？就当我喜欢甜言蜜语好了！！我就是喜欢！！　那又怎样？既使你敷衍我几句我都会喜欢！！因为我懂得什么叫做自足这两个字！！我。。。很贪心吗？原来。。我很贪心哦？

你看。。你看，搞到我好像在单恋人似的。雾水情缘，暧昧情节，真的。。好难受。跟你们说他是我的男朋友，可感觉上又不怎么实在。 哟！！人家都还没认呢　，我又怎敢说出口呢？（连想也不敢！！）因为我不想把我自己变得那么ＣＨＥＡＰ。不过这一点，我从没怪过他。很多事情，要等大家见到面时，才来做个打算。所以，如果连你自己也做不到的话，也恳请你，恳请你！！！别跟我要求那么多！！这样我会很受不了！！我会觉得我很贱很一厢情愿！！很出卖自己去犯罪！！你有考虑过我的感受吗？有吗！！？有吗！！？ 我受够了！！

在这里，我想说给大家听的是，我与T之间，是異国恋情，每当我跟朋友提起我们之间的事时，第一个反应给的就是 ：“哇！！怎么那么冒险啊？很难叻。。。”　或者好一点的则说：“好！！我佩服你的冒险精神！”　简单来说，这段恋情，困难的维持程度有超过８０％以上。可我骨子里的叛逆思维却告诉了我：“谁说没可能？我就是那第一个，只要心中彼此都有那份爱，无论遇到什么困难，天塌下来都不怕！！”

我真的好单纯。

但是。。这一份单纯，究竟还能维持多久呢？当然，我也很希望它能继续维持到最后。可现实还是的归回现实啊。。

我不想再乱撞了。我应该，放一点儿理智进去。一点点就好。

夜深人静 ，我的两个PROFILE也同时design好了。这一次的design就连我自己也都不敢相信我眼睛 ，竟然可以desigN出和平时不同风格品味出来。我觉得好有成就感，很幸福。我笑了！！ 哈哈！！^^

原来幸福，也可以很简单。我要的，就是这一份简单的幸福，简单的关怀与问候。原来，它们都难以得到。所以说，这世上的人，往往缺乏的，就是那一颗单纯与简单的心。忘了去领悟真正的意义，忘了去用心，感受这世间一切美好的事物。必经，步划太快也未必是件好事，反之，偶尔慢下脚步来，你很可能发现。。。风，是多么的温柔。。。雨声，是多么的动听悦耳。怎么？感受不到？还觉得很可笑？没办法，人家有内涵。你没有。

pls comment :

www.hamsterqueen.imeem.com

www.friendster.com/reinedessy/

是我错，你没错。

下雨了。。。雨声滴滴哒哒的。。。仿佛像一支强心针用力的打进我的心。它每打一会，我就痛一会，直致到，我痛得再也忍不着了，终于泪落满面。下雨对我来说，该是开心的。。。温柔的。。。舒服的。。。可今天的雨滴，却反映着我疲累不堪，痛哭与失望的心态。顿时，真的好想。。好想冲出门外奔向雨海中，狂哭一会。因为下雨，所以没人会知道我在哭。此刻的我，只想拥有这一点点小自由，独自的承受着这不请自来的悲痛。到底是为了什么？为了什么？你让我感觉到我们之间，渐渐的看不到未来。我自问问心无愧，能做的，我都已尽了力去做。能改的，我都已尽我全能去改。可到头来，却换来了你一句不满意。虽然，你口口声声说你并不介意这样的一个我，可我知道，你的不介意其实是介意的，托你的福，我知道了我所有的缺点。原来，在你面前，你看到的，只是一个任性的小女孩，处处为难你，口不对言，不知人情世故，喜怒无常，小气，固执，不成熟。。。对，你误会我的意思，也是因为我在语言上的错误？你没错，是我错。我应该先改好我的语言知识，再来跟你说话对吧？不然又导致到你的误会，免得人家还以为，你是吸收能力差，那就不好了。天！原来，你是那么的完美，而我却是那么的丑陋。真是讽刺。天，我们曾几何时。。。变成这样了？？　这是我们吗？好可怕。。。好可怕。。。我真的。。不敢再去面对你。。。抱括我们之间的一切。我不想，我们之间，在挑剔与发现缺点中认识对方。很对不起，因为我的存在，使这爱情变得有瑕疵，并不完美。很抱歉，我没能够去真正的了解你，也没做足本分，做足功课，让你，去了解我。让这爱情失败的，也是因为我的不成熟与不懂得配合演变成而来的。是我的错，你没错。导致到连你自己也不懂你自己在说什么的，也是我。

既然，我的缺点，是多不盛数的话。。好，我退出。放心，我从没怀疑过你对我的爱，我知道你是爱我的，我相信你。只是对你来说，我给你的爱，并不多，很虚拟，也不真实。很抱歉，这也是我的错。你没错。这下你可安心，你仍然完美的，而我仍然是丑陋的。这段爱情里，你赢得非常漂亮，大可跟人家说，导致这段爱情失去的，不是你，而是我。你也不必自责。因为这全是我的错。

我很累。。。不过请你放心。也给我点时间。我会好好的锻炼我自己，以致成为一个完美的情人，再回到你身边。当然，在这期间里，你也可回复自由单身的名义去寻找你认为更好的，反正我们之间，有的只是段暧昧情节，雾水情缘，我不会绑着你的，请放心。

*sigh* why make it harder ?

Have a walk in mines , my mom finish her work at 7 pm , so was asked to accompany her until she finish all her job. The mines, the mines , the mines. Haiz.. for now , Is really freaking me out even though others just mentioned the name to me. Man , this place , I have visited this place for over 100 times !!!!! I worked here before , slept here before , played here before , walked here before... date here before... man ... ''=.= , is really really really boring....

After finish all the work she had asked me to do , I decided to went out and have a walk , rather than sitting there at her own company places... listening to their so call great holy rumors about others , talking about something that wasn't even logical to think about ... that's what we call in Chinese >> 三姑六婆 ， 八卦婆。Man , I don't want myself to be like them , not even decreasing my own EQ until the same level like they own. No !! no!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I walk out , and went to Living Cabin shop to see whether I could find anything else nice for my friends. Suddenly , a pair of hands appearing from behind , and wrapped around my neck and my shoulders , was shock of course , so I immediately turn my head back and see who is it , ( fucking bastard touch me !!??? ) Then i saw... him... oh dear... is ... ''=.= man .. this guy..

Anonymous : esther ~ ~ why long time didn't find me le ~~ ? bad lah you ~~ hate me is it ?

me : ( oh my God... ~ ) heh heh ... ehhh hehheh ~ where got leh ? Aiya , you.. haha no lah ~~

Anonymous : ohh ~ then forget about me lah ~? ok loh ok loh !! bye bye loh !!

Me : ehh !! ehhhh !! ehh !! no lah ~ hehehhe ( oh plsss... this is fucking crazy what am I doing actually ? ) aiya ~ where got leh ? sha lao , no lah ~ won't forget you de ~~ don't be so lah ~

Anonymous : ok lah ok lah ~ believe you lah !! muaks !! (and.. and.. kiss me on my cheeks.. ''=.=)

well , honestly ... I wasn't afraid that he kiss me or or , wrap his arms around me but... man this is my mom's place man ~ what if.. what if... those "spy" here , saw this.. then they would thought.. he was my boyfriend.. then then... how how ? My mom will certainly kill me especially , his hair... looks like... ok his hair is cool. ^^ but the worse is , my mom !! she don't like this type of hair ne !! she said it looks like la la chai !! ( but honestly , my mom didn't know anything about japanese fashion , so his hair was cool thats the fact )

we walk around ... cause if I don't accompany him for a walk , he will probably disturb me like a child ''=.=.. i don't want that geli geli things happen to me ... so we walk , and he puts his arms around my shoulder , and then to my waist , then back to shoulder , repeated the same action after every few minutes ... then we saw his friend , his friend brought a lover together with him , so Anonymous saw them holding hands with each other , immediately he pretend to be jealous and said >> cheh !! I don't have meh !? Blek !! Esther hor ~ come come , nah !! SEE! ? I have ahhh ~~ ( oh my god !! hahahahah !!!! XD soh lou !!! XD !! HAHAHA !!! ) then we continue holdings hands loh until he needs to go back.

Man... this is tiring. So when I was back to my mom's company , my mom started asking me lots of stupid question , looks like those "spy's" had discovered our "actions" , haiz... cheh.. fuck you. then we both started arguing , she kept scolding things like , erm , what don't be with him? No future lah ~ ? Marriage won't be happy lah ? ( oh my god !!!! For GOD'S SAKE !!!!! Don't think so far ok !!? Shit !! ) I can't stand this anymore then I decided to tell her the truth , rather than being accused that i have a "la la chai" boyfriend cheh !!!

me : ok lah ok lah !!!! aiyo !!! enough lah !!!! what the !! he like guys ok !!? listen !! HE LIKE GUYS !!!! HE IS A HOMO !! we both are like " sisters !! " understand !?

mom ( yeah right ) : har !? you friend with a gay !!? die loh !! I must tell this to your father !! How could you ever friend with such a person !? is dangerous you know !?

me : yeah ah !! yeah loh !! I friend with a gay ah !! so how !? Gay can't be friends ? Maybe I'm a Lesbian still ah !! You don't want me to have boyfriend mah !! Then I'll like girls loh !! ok ? !! better lah !! don't tell me that you discriminate them har ? oh ~ then it means you discriminate me loh !!? cheh !!

mom : what did you say !? Is this how the way you should talk to your own mother ? You should apologize to me instead of arguing and rebel after me !!

me : why should I? I don't think is necessary to apologize with you wor ~ wei , now you are the one who discriminating people !! then you accused me !! then you even control my life !! ok loh ~ this friends not good ? then your friends are all the greatest loh !! neh ~ those auntie ah ~ uncle ah ~~ always accusing others and then spread those stupid non wisdom false rumors about others !! good lah !? oh ~ so you mean , I should be friend with them loh hor ? I tell you !! I won't loh !!

another auntie she was passing by and saw my beg dropped from the chair , she told me about my bag and help me to pick it up , then I said thank you to her , but.. cheh

mom : why can you act sooo nice to others while you can't even speak politely to me ??

me : (man , this whore , really so hai till like that ? ''-.- ) ok , ( with a calm voice ) first of all , I do not feel sorry for you...

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Me : "I pity you."

What? You thinking I'm gonna say 'I love you'?

DREAM ON! CHEH !!

感觉。

感觉。感觉，究竟是怎么一回事呢？ 前天，有个可爱美眉问过我这一个问题。

从科学上的角度来说，感觉统合是指大脑将从身体各感官传来的感觉信息，进行多次的组织分析、处理，做出正确决策，使整个机体和谐有效地运作。大脑的不同部位必须经过统一协调的工作，才能完成人类高级、复杂的认识活动，包括注意力、自我控制能力、概括和理解能力。当大脑对感觉信息的综合发生问题时，就会使机体不能有效运作，称为感觉统合失调，主要分为平衡统合、触觉统合、本体感统合、视觉和听觉统合五大方面。。。。。

我想，没人会想用这样的方式来了解感觉的意思吧？

那到底，感觉是什么呢？

爱，是一种感觉。心痛也是。生气，是种感觉。开心也是。可是，心淡了，也算是种感觉么？这点，我并不知道。也很希望有个人可以告诉我。说实在的，其实这感觉对我来说，是门很负杂的学问，搞不懂，也摸不着。我本身，是一个很喜怒无常的女生，对感觉总是抱着一副敢碰又不敢碰的态度。时儿果断坚决，时儿犹豫不决，混乱悲观开朗清晰全都mix在一起，让爱我的人，都感觉到很痛苦很累，好气又好笑。因为他们永远都摸不着真正的我，就好像我永远都了解不到自己般的道理。当然，这也是数位朋友告诉我的事实。所以，连我自己都搞不懂自己的感觉，又怎能告诉这位美眉，感觉，是什么呢？

有人曾跟我说过，感觉。。可以变得很抽像画，也可以很真实。幻想出来的感觉，永远都比真实的感觉来的美丽，幸福。因为，它正符合了你一直以来想要的故事条件。无论是你幻想自己生气时的摸样，开心时的动作，很自然的，你就会把自己陷入一种具有戏据性的感觉之中。。从而无法自拔，再把它们带到真实生活里去，set了一个mind说：真实的感觉，也一定会这样的。可惜，真实的感觉，往往都比不过幻想出来的感觉来得更漂亮，更可爱。

就打个比例来说吧。女人都喜欢幻想，由其是面对爱情问题的时候。我不否认，我也是这样子的一个女人。

to be continue....

粗中有细最有男子气概。

粗心的男若能有一点点细致的温柔，总能让女人分外感动。


很多女人都希望男人温柔体贴，但他们也都同时欣赏有“男子气概”的男人。从理论上看来，这两件事根本就是相反的。有男子气概的男人，一定有些霸道，有些独裁，纵然他们也有温柔的一面，但要他对别人严酷，只对自己温柔，实在是女人最糊涂的大梦。

然而，有男子气概的男人是吃香的，因为粗犷豪放的他们只要流露出一点点的细心与温柔，就可以比平日斯文体贴的男人更教女人来得感动。

她和他是办公室同事，但任另一部门主管的他，做事时公事公办，威风，认真起来时很可怕，就算是女同事们做错事，他也一样毫不留情的指责，跟他撒娇耍赖都没用。

有一回，在跟他们那一部门合作时，有办公室之花的她在联络上出了一点小差错，在很多人面前被他厉声指责了两句，她躲到厕所里哭。

哭完之后，她为了补自己的错误，那晚主动配合加班到十一点多，直到公事圆满达成。她走出办公室的门时，他大步赶了上来 ：“太晚了，我送你。”

她等他从停车场把车开上来，他在她面前把车停下来，竟然从驾驶座走了下来帮她打开车门。这一个小小的举动竟然完全改写了她对他的印象，她的心像一快从冷冻厂里拿出来的奶油，迅速在这如同手电筒般微弱的温柔中溶化。

不久她就成为了爱情的俘虏，从此在他的喜怒中认命的浮沉。

她说，当我被他的霸气追赶得无处可逃时，他的一点点小温柔，有使我对他死心蹋地。或许这是命吧。

有的男人虽然外形粗犷，但很会掌握住一些小地方，收买女人的心：在女人冷的时候脱下外套罩在她身上，常比每天买礼物送她让她更铭记在心。

粗心的男人若能有一点点细致的温柔，总能让女人分外感动。这是“物以稀为贵”的永恒真理。

A day in KL

I was loosing my mood lately , was really really really sick of everything in here. So i decided to have a walk in KL and see anything changes lately , plus , MEGA SALES has started since yesterday so this would be my chance for a great shopping. After taking the bus , I straight away took the train where it stated in Serdang ( shit , waited for three times , still the train was full !!! man !! ) So , I sat there alone , and listen to some music to chill myself. Well , nice weather today , winds keep blowing , my hair keeps flowing ~ at least , i felt comfortable for while.

When I arrive KL centre , I decided to took another train to Timesquare. Bought the ticket , and walk and walk and walk until I reach the Monorail station. I saw some really beautiful European girls passing by , they looks like models. When I arrive at Timesquare , nothing much change here since last time I saw. Things were getting cheaper and cheaper for the sales, I was very excited !! :D haven't felt such enthusiasm for quite a few months. Then I went to Sungei Wang and done crazy shopping !!! muahahahahah !!! XD so happy lahhh !!! XD

Man I should bring more money lah ~ :( cheh , nevermind next week ask Soon to come out :D she would be happy ^^ ( and also force Yap to come ) !!! and of course Jian as well !! wakakakak !! :D :D oh and siong bah ~ i think :P heheheh ^^ XD I bought a pair of cool shoe , and a nice dress for my own ^^ ~ heheh ~ But still.... man something was missing haiz...

There is one shop , three sales girls , one look very cute , and another one looks cool , with short hair , while i was hanging around at their shop , man three of them were so enthusiasm with selling dresses for me , keep promoting and promoting , i don't even have the time to think which one i should buy ''=.= . But muahahah , I'm not easily being influence by your trick girl , i will control and consider properly together with my shopping list blek :P No longer than , the girl with short hair ( kinda cool :P ) wanted to play a game with me , if I can guess which one of them was the eldest , I don't need to buy any dress for them but if I fail in that game , I need to buy then. *haiz.. * Just want to shopping lah ~ what lah~ At the end , I fail. (T.T) So I buy one dress for them , cheh. I found that the girl with the short hair , seems interested with me , maybe she wants to be friendly i guess , but... she want my number... isn't that a little bit strange ? But oh well , doesn't matter much hahah ^^ is great to know more friends ( especially when she is that cute :P ) ^^ keke.

After finishing shopping , I went back home with Bus. The bus was full of passenger , luckily that bus driver found a nice place for me to seat , thanks bus driver :D. Another ticket seller , went talking to me again , he ask me lots of stuff , where do I stay lah ~ , what have I bought lah ~ and then...

ticket seller : Ah Moi ni hao liang mui ahh ~ ( ah moi means girl girl in chinese , ni hao liang moi , means you are so beautiful )

Me : oh ? hahah thank you thank you ye ke ? tak lah ~ ( =.='' *sigh*

ticket seller : nak tak pergi shopping dengan aku minggu depan ? ( definately not pls , he was asking me to go shopping with him next week )

Me : har ? Tak nak lah ~ penatlah nak study lagi hehe ( cheh )

Ticket seller : study ape ? Satu ari je ... tak gune byk masa

Me : ( cheh , is my time i like it ) Eh , satu ari ku boleh buat byk benda tau ?

Ticket seller : ye ke ? haiz ah mui ~ satu ari je , kita pergi tengok wayang , pergi shopping

Me : haha tengok lah ~ bile ku ada masa ku pergi. ( *vomit* don't want !!! )

ticket seller : ala mui ~ tipu lah ~ tengok kamu ni kaya , mesti selalu pergi shopping lah ~

Me : mane ada !! mega sales mah ~ kalau aku kaya , sekarang semua jenama punye loh ~

Ticket seller : ah ~ awak minggu depan keluar dengan aku , aku beli untuk kamu.

Me : HAHHAHAHAHH !!! HHAHAHAHAHAH !! ( haiz... cheh lah you )

when I arrived at destination ,

Ticket seller : ah mui , tak mau , tak mau pergi !! duduk sini dengan saya

ME : hahahahahah !!! XD hahahahah !! ( haiz... esther , except laughing what else ? cheh )

then I leave the bus , and waited for another one at the bus station.

Haiz... still my mood wasn't that good. I know , trying to avoid from the problems I have now was wrong. Maybe I can pretend that nothing else happen , but still , doesn't mean the problem did not exist. I might be happy for a while , but not long I'm sure. The only solution was to confront with the problem. But... how ?

Dearly Beloved...

Kingdom heart's dearly beloved piano sheets :

http://www.squaresound.com/arrangements/file.php?id=930

TODay....

Today , in the morning , when i woke up , is... 8 am...

.....

WHAT !!!???? 8AM !!!??? fuck fuck !!
I quickly change my clothes , and and wash my face , brush my teeth with extreme speed , my brother was late as well , we both were late today , shit. Then I started to remember something , AIYA !!!!!! Tibo ... :( haiz.... we both promise to chat after he came back from the appointment ne !! :( ahhhhh he must be waiting for me aaaiiii !! stupid me stupid me !! ahhhhhhhh !!! xO !! So sorry so sorry tibo :( man , you waited for me again :( Is my fault ne :( so sorry... *sigh* I must apologize to him tonight :(

I rush to school , and my name has been record T.T... then I ran towards my class , everyone were sitting there quietly , the class session has start. I walk into it , and waved my hands at teacher , feeling awkward and shame , then ,

me : heheheh teacher ^^ , selamat pagi hehheh ^^ ( good morning teacher )

teacher : ehhh , awak ni , lambat hari ni ! ( you were late today )

I just keep smiling and walk to my own place. Phew !!

Then , Desmond was looking at me , I waved my hands towards him and said hi ~ :D , but he ignore me .... T.T haiz... wasn't in a good mood again i guess T.T cheh... *sad sad* Soon came to me and pats my head as usual , then she touches my hair with gentle and smile to me. awww ^^ hehe ^^ Yap was doing her own thing.

During the recess time , Soo Ching said something that makes me feel kinda.... sucks. She was envious about my socializing character , thought that i might be having some tricks to make more friends ... but man ... I don't do any tricks for that =.= so hai. Here's one part of the conversations that makes me really , argggg !! FUCK YOU !!

Soo : Haiz , you don't know es , I wasn't that good as you in socializing and communicating with people , Ya know , not really know pretending and stuff.

Me : Ha ha , oh ? Well , honestly , I never purposely make friends with people. They just came naturally.

Soo : Huh ? So nice ? Nah , then you must be having some nice tactics for making yourself looks gorgeously and people were attracted to you huh especially guys.

Me : ( what ? =.= '' fuck I'm not a prostitute for god's sake !! ) Ha ha , nope , I don't purposely do any tricks for making me feel popular. I don't do that. Friends just came naturally, that's what I said just now. :)

Soo : Oh ? Like that ahh ~ ? Then ok lo ~ you were lucky lo , were fated to have good relationship with all people. Not everyone has those lucks like you have , even how good we are. You are so lucky.

Me : HAHAHA !! LUCKY !! yes , I'm lucky, you were right. So you aren't lucky lah ? Aha... no good relationship with friends ? OR , No people want to be friends with you ? ( this time , I'm piss)

Soo : hehe no lah ~ just not so nice as yours lo ~ don't know why you got lots of friends leh ? But I don't have wor ~

Me : well , i don't see friends as my enemy that's why. Ha ha , no matter how lucky you are , still , using your heart to made friends with people is the most important thing. If your attitude bad , then no friend lah ( blek :P )

Soo : No lah ~ I don't have the luck to have friends lah ~ ( fuck your shit off ) Unlike you ( cheh yeah yeah , I'm lucky cheh ) So lucky lo ~ You were destine to attracts people near you. ( =.='' don't make me sounds like I'm A PROSTITUTE OK !!? )

Me : haha yeah , well it isn't my fault , right ? If people like me , because maybe I'm better lo , won't over being critical minded ( like you ) , then won't easily piss people off ( like you ) , won't predict what people thinks all the time ( like you ) , just easy going ( not like you ) , happy ( not like you ) , said things i should say ( unlike you !! ) , am I right ?

Soo : Yeah lo , maybe lo.

Me : yeah lo ~ you want more friends ah ? Can , of course~ why not. Be like me lah ^^ But not so easy to learn from me lah ~ I'm superb wakakak. Ok lah ~ got to go , see you later then ~ bye ~ remember to smile wor ~ to make , MORE FRIENDS MAH !! HAHAHAHA !! XD ok lah ~ bye bye !! ( *sigh* ''=.= ) I swear i would tore her into pieces if i was allow to do that arggg !!

Afternoon , stays at school for some duties that haven been finished yet. Saw Han at the other room of the library , she was concentrating on her studies alone i see , so i tend to knock the door ... but.... erm .... don't want lah ... don't disturb her... let her study lah ... then sitting there read my magazine alone. Dewan Masyarakat Magazine , mostly about politics , I really found it quite interesting with the way those writer twisting the whole story and shoot us nation ( who wasn't malays ) with their prejudice's and racist mind. Well , they are good , they knew being sarcastic is the best way to made the aren't malays people understand their meaning , by saying DAP influences and teaches Malays on conquering their own country , by saying that BN didn't really understand nation's heart and soul , so that's why malays came to DAP and support other races.
haiz....

DISASTER.

Unbreakable

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

I had a weird dream again ~

I had a weird dream again this evening , I was napping and , this dream cames to me , it feels so weird man , and horrifying.The only weird thing was , sha gua was inside too. And Qin Shun....another old friend of mine , but why is he there ? Then Yoo see seng ? wtf ? was all Inside my dream....

sha gua was another scene of my dream , then don't know when , it change , into another story where Chin Shun and See seng sat infront of me .... I don't really remember the whole story , but only one scene , when Chin Shun and See seng , having some drinks in a restaurant with me. That place was dark , like it was raining outside ... I don't know what place it is , is just a strange place to me.... man oh man. Chin Shun , he looks depress , and was drinking some wine and beer there , he complaints to me about something , but I don't remember what was it. But he keeps drinking non stop... and was angry.. See seng , never drink any beer in real , but I saw him drinking as well in my dream , and he looks tired.... haiz what happen ? Then , horrible dreams began , man , I remember.... Chin shun , he tries to betray me ? Shit I have no idea about this , but the whole dream was scary , I can feel it , and I was afraid at that time , but why him ? And sha gua's dream , I don't remember a thing about it anymore , only one scene where he came out from the door , and look at me.That's all.


*sigh*