想念你。。很想念。。

今天开学了，很认真听课。不过，也不免会想起你。。。那孩子气的笑容，阳光般的个性，很可爱。笑起来的他，很帅气，而沉稳中的他，很酷，很带气质。每天听着他说给我听的笑话，好气，又好笑。看着窗外的叶子，想起荷兰国。。想起他。还好今天的课都是revision,不然我又分心了。哈哈哈。但，你总让我心碎。。总让我心碎的你。。。我依然深深爱着。只想告诉你，不管你有多少个缺点，有多少个优点，这一切，都并不重要，重要的是，我喜欢你。希望你明白。

要画海报了。。。知道你今天会很忙，加油咯，你可以的，酷傻瓜。;) 爱你。

I saw her blog.

Choy send me a link , is Gaby's blog. Well ,honestly, it has been a long time since i talk to her. Just remember she was a very beautiful girl , with long hair , glasses , fair skin. A kind girl as well, loving , and caring. I saw her blog, and found out that, she fail in her love life again this time. Ha ha , love .. love .. love .. everything was about love. Sort of , tired about this "love" thing. I just don't understand... she was a brilliant , beautiful young girl, any guy who have her as lover must be very glad and happy. But the fact is, no , they always disappointed her. Lack of appreciative towards her good. I dont' see any wrong in her, really , but why? On the other hand , i discover one thing, some guys , will appreciate a bitch , they will have the desire to appreciate a bitch more than a kind girl that willing to sacrifice everything for them. This world... is always unfair. I really do hope one day , that Gaby could manage to find a guy that loves her more than she does. I send my wish to her. Good luck Gaby ;)

back to school again... sienz..

haiz... back to school again tomorrow ,

back to the life again where we need to sit there,

and listen to the most boring class session of all ,

back to the life again where i need to face those fucking teachers,

who always seems to be unsatisfied with my preference,

but when they have problems,

I m always the one to call for help. cheh

The only thing i was happy for is ,

I get to see my pals again ,

Desmond , Yap , Soon

Four of us will sit together again and do NIE i guess this week.

Then , is time for me to get set , and go , score for STPM. yep.

For now , that's the only thing i need to do.

Oh and of course , won't forget my sha gua ;) he he

Love him ;)

19 岁

再走出一点。。。年轻的梦就完毕了。。好想永远都活在这里。。。

數數手指...幾個月之後,將會是人生另一階段...

19歲...19 这個數目字...令我想起一樣东西...

不過我,不會講!!!

19...真的好難接受!!因為...我不想那麽快就....(講不出来)

雖然19歲可以做好多事情...

我知道...人,始終都一定要長大...

但19歲...令我有一種無形的壓力...

真的好希望,時間可以停頓...

永遠都擁有18歲...

Wake up.

wake up.. esther..


Is ... early in the morning 4:14am now.. Tuesday... i haven't sleep yet, or suppose I should say , that is my time..everyday... typical me isn't it ? ;)

Listening to one of Minmi's popular songs , Who's Theme , which was one of the theme as well , in the animation of Samurai Champloo..... I have to admit that , I ... Love it. I was falling in love with it , just when the intro cames into my ears...I don't know why...Some sort of blue feelings it would brought me into...sad.. but at the same time, sexy.. intimate...cute.. sweet.. happy.. i love the feelings that has been brought up totally by this song ~Like i could Imagine lots of different things from this special songs... Him... of course , and my .. blue life. Miserable , but , dreamy. I never wish my dream will end up somewhere else , but at the same time , i do hope , i could wake up from it and discontinue with it. Confusing .. indeed. Haiz...

I heard one of this phrases before , from a guy , whom I found him mature , and deep. Sometimes , i don't even understand what sort of msg is he trying to send me , yes , that shows me even more childish and less understanding than i thought. I always argue with him , when he told me that >> ' We are in a dream call youth. Someday, we have to wake up from it. ' I will never understand what that phrases mean and why ? That time , i thought , why ? If , you have a youth in your heart , you will always have a youth in mind!! And what he did was, he could only smile to me , and staring somewhere else with a pair of cold , nostalgic eyes ( like he was trying to send me someting more , but he stop ) then never reply my question anymore... For now.... i understand fully about this phrases. It was true. And why would he stop telling me ? Because i will never understand it unless I discover myself. Then i realize , is really time for me to wake up than drowning myself into that old , past years esther again. I m not , and I shall not be the Queen anymore. The , So call ego and emo Queen. For what egotism and emotional does to me.. has no benefits at all , but only the word cool. Yes , I can be myself , and be rebellious whenever i wanted to be.. but at the same time, I will lost every sense of maturity in my mind, one by one. Judging sense, professionalism , Manners ... and so on. But that's youth isn't it ? Always talking about setting me free and stuff , happy like it does , shouting here and there , being crazy for everything, no pain no gain , try on everything they thought it was cool. ;) ... I love it, but is enough i guess , my youth life.

And , I will say that again... and again.. to others.

' We are in a dream call youth.Someday, we have to wake up from it'

Introduce to you guys , Who's theme by Minmi's , enjoy.

During Holidays ...

During this holiday season , erm although it only last for two weeks , but it means a lot to me , The first thing i m going to do it , SLEEP !!! SLEEP SLEEP !! Man i really need sleeping though , during the examination week , almost everyday crawling up from my bed at the midnight , went for studies , and is really kut , i needed to set a time , and make sure that i will be manage to memorized all those words on time , like for example , let's say I 'll take business subjects tomorrow for exams , then , set the time ok , in 3 minutes , read page 89 to 90. Then , memorized out everything that you have read in 3 minutes again , then proceed to another page...the whole thing just repeat over and over again , it ends up , my brain is going to burst for that... So , i really needed some good sleeps , no nightmares for me , just sleep sleep sleep... wakaka...

Then , erm , planning for a trip maybe with friends , ya know , is kinda boring to live in my place , no friends , no great places to go , unconvenience enough...So, was planning for a trip to genting highland on this wednesday , but ... haiz for one day only nia ~ man , started to felt that , growing up is boring nia ~ if is last time , i could went out almost everyday in a week , but now , haiz... what the shit , plus , the whether is getting hotter and hotter , wouldn't like it if the whether was that hot , who wants to go out and came home like a rousted human ? Especially a girl like me , muahahah!! I always making sure that my skin won't be burn by the sun , don't want to be like indians ~ blek muahahah !! And all my friends , working , studies ... haiz.. if is my last time , every night we will lepak at the mamak store near my house , Taman University Indah , what a memorable places , almost every single each of my friends live there... *sigh* we can buy beer and sit at the play ground talking , drinking , singing , and all kinds of stuff. coolie , especially when when kester came to my house for piano practice , every tuesday ( there will be a night market held there every tuesday , both of us sure ask denise or or jian or meng juan out de ... now... haiz.. no liao ~ *sad* ) , or or we held on small barbecue community... see that ? Growing up , isn't fun at all.. cheh.

Study , i need to study , that's what i'm fearing of now , STPM , and MUET , really hope i can succeed it , it left only few months now , i have to do it !! Gambatte yo esther !! You !! Can !! You need to be a University student , that's what you always stuggling for , can't lose , can't fall , muahahah !! Don't really score for A's but at least cukup makan for me to be accepted by the University , then then ok liao lah ~ but man STPM is really hard , isn't hard to study , but hard to score , their expectation for pre - University student , is too high nia ~ put so high for what ? man oh man. I wonder did my parents make a research for STPM before ? Why so HAI put me in ? Only knew putting those HAI expectations on me cheh , but do they know i really want this ? for Now , i only have to wait for the death note result. If i was been given a chance to study courses that I wish for , I can sure of that , I will be studying very much more better than what i m studying right now.

12星座自殺前的自白

白羊座:我就是想自殺 沒別的意思.

好!就是這個強硬的態度!我要做的事,別人就不要管, 可是自殺都不管,那咱們也太*&#$%@@**&%#$........


金牛座:我想自殺,可是那個跳臺怎麽那麽遠啊!這麽長時間怎麽還走不到,告訴你!我自殺不成功可不願我,是因爲跳臺太遠了.還有,就是樓下的小吃太好吃了....

自殺的時候都能這樣..........汗!~~~~~


雙子座:我是選擇跳樓自殺呢?還是上*自殺呢?還是服毒呢?都很難選啊!不是我花心,而是沒個都很好啊!~~~~

那個...這是在自殺還是在挑女朋友啊!~~~~~


巨蟹座:完了!我的人生目標沒了,我要自殺.我看看先去樓頂,在爬上欄杆,可是我死了以後別人要怎麽說我啊,我要怎麽寫遺書啊,我的財産誰來繼承啊?我.......

.......想的還真是多,乾脆先去列個表在死好了.





獅子座:我自殺是有理由的,別誤會是別人不要我了.是我對覺得生活太沒意思了,自殺玩玩也很好啊,起碼不用花錢是吧!~~~我先自殺去了,別打攪我!~~~

自殺前還在要面子,獅子還真是.......


處女座:我要自殺拉!你們都別攔著我,媽媽你要好好保重身體啊!哎!~~我叫你別攔著我,等別著急,我現在先不 跳,等一下說完我在跳,哎!~~我都說了我先不跳了你怎麽還拉著我啊,你不知道你的手上有多少細菌,多少髒東西嗎?我今天新穿的衣服都叫你弄髒了!明天回 家好要我自己去洗啊~~哎別推我啊!~`我還不想死呢!哎!~~你.....

汗!~~~~這是自殺嗎?.......


天秤座:哎!~~~我這麽帥,還要自殺.你這麽醜,還要活著,憑什麽啊!~~~老天!你真是不公平!~~那個人!對!就問你呢?你說我自殺好嗎?我想問問你,我想自殺,可是不知道對不對?你能告訴我嗎?.....

都自殺了,還要徵求別人的意見...........


天蠍:左看右看)沒人發現我要自殺吧!幸好沒人.要是有人看到我自殺還不提前來推我一下啊!恩,找好位置,跳!~~~

還是這麽小心......


射手座:我要尋找我的自由,所以我要自殺,你說我爲什麽要找自由?我就是想找自由,憑什麽你能好自由我就不能找,我也要找自由讓你看看,哎!~~~我還沒說完呢!你怎麽就走了啊!回來!我要和你好好說道說道!~~~

自殺前還要和人理論一番.........



魔羯座:我就是要自殺,誰也別勸我了,我都決定了,誰說也沒用,哼!我要去天堂,誰我都不帶,就我自己去.恩?先想想天堂是什麽樣的呢?

自殺吧!沒人和你搶著上天堂!



水瓶座:我要爲個人而戰鬥,所以要自殺,這個世界太可怕了,我要自殺!~~~

那個...就是你死了,世界好象也改變不了什麽吧......



雙魚座:我想要自殺,可是我又不想自殺了,我很鬱悶才想到自殺,可是我心情又好了,到底要不要自殺呢?我好好想想啊.....

心情變的還真是快啊......