After having a really kut situation in the morning... Soon and Yap has come searching for me , and accompany me back to our own class.This time , i could have break , no teachers were around at these moment , 2 periods were empty , all teachers have meetings. So we three decided to do revision for our studies , preparing for the mid term examination. But wakaka can't last long for half an hours, maybe was because , Yap and I , had alot in command and plus , she was fond into a guy lately so , my job .. is to listen how she feels... of course , Soon , she felts interested with her stories as well. But , what most attracts me was Soon's story... Dai lo wasn't here today(sick) , so only the girls rules. muhahaha!!
I ... can see how Soon's react lately , I can felt the loneliness in her , and from her eyes , i often see the sadness ... Well , was planning to ask her , but , don't know ... nah .. who am I to ask other's private ? I'll just stick to my own business , and try my best to comfort her.. if she wants to tell , she will tells me herself. But woah , didn't know that i could just make her told out everything today... and was sad...
She told much about how her boyfriend started arguing much with her , and doesn't even know the ways to comfort her , per day only a few msg to her , lost the feelings while being together lately , is like , not having a boyfriend and lives like a single , ... and then.. she cried... her tears went out , the tears ... is indeed , full of sadness , dissapointment , but also , struggle within.. from , a girl that were trying her best to be tough at this moment. I tried to help her , where there are times she couldn't describe how she feels ... i helped her by telling everything she feels.. so that she won't be struggling to tell out while still having tears in her eyes , keep rolling out like tap waters. That time , i can see the beauties in her , and all the painful moments she had been through. My heart was broken when i saw her tears running out like flows , but she was smiling... is really pain to see her like that , and was angry too , for the guy that doesn't appreciate everything she has done for him.
me >> So what do you plan then ?
Soon >> Well.. I said , better separated for a while and think properly about our relationship...
me >> good. smart girl. Still struggling hey ?
Soon >> yes.
Yap>> struggling ? well , you guys will be separate soon , so why still struggling? You still leng, start a new life over again ba ... ^^
me >> Is.. not that easy Yap... her separates doesn't mean breaking up... just separate for some while and let both side has a clearer mind about this.. actually the truth meaning is , she's letting him to grab some chances for it.
Soon >> Yes .. thanks esther. ( sobbing ) Well.. he was asking for a lunch today after school.
me >> aha.. i see.. erm .. what if , he wants you back ?
Soon >> Not .. that fast..
Yap >> Don't you want him to have you back ? You give him chances right ?
me >> No... she doesn't wants to suffer anymore... if that guy really knows what she wants.. he needed sometime to think about it.. could be better...
Soon >> man esther ( tears with smile , how cute ) , you really do know how i feel haha ! ;)
me >> yes , i do Soon. I know how you feel. Is.. indeed really painful. Is isn't a thing that mostly guys could feel it :) and is hardly for them to understand what's deep in it :) Soon , you have hide this really deep in your heart for a long while... you struggle , you pain... no one could really talk to you , cause not everyone could feel it :) so .. you just hide it .. and is really causing you crazy i know :) that's why... you cried out today.. but never mind , just cried.. is better to released some :) ...you were hurt. really hurt.
Yap >> Did you talk to him before about this ?
Soon >> I did.. but... ( tears came out again.. haiz.. i hand a tissue to her )
me >> always ended up arguing huh ?
Soon >> (nodded her head really hard ) yes .. yes .. yes ..
Yap >> ahh i knew that , is , hard... haiz...
me >> So , is better to just tolerate with him , rather than argue with him , cause if you choose to argue , he still wouldn't change at the end. It could be creating more unecessary hard feelings between you both.. that's why , you rather choosing the easy ways than choosing the hard ways...
Soon >> esther !! Wah !! you really know how i feel !! ( cries with smile again ) ( yap nodded her head really hard as well )
me >> yes , i knew that Soon..and if you choose for the easy ways , you 'll have to suffer by doubts :) and if you choose the hard way that's telling him how you feel , you both will be end up arguing.
Soon >> yes , .. he always said something like , why do you want me to change ? I m who i m ,don't change me. If you love me , pls don't change me. man esther.. I was like.. ( she did a big *sigH* and tears came out again.
me >> I know.. your heart began to felt a cold inside.. and hopeless. You were struggle between loving him or not huh ?
Soon >> (nodded her head) ... ( gosh is really pain to see her cry , i feel like protecting her for all of the sudden)
Yap>> isn't it good to just being single ? haiz..
me >> yes , i totally agree with it. Love is too hard to understand. Is really hard to maintain ones relationship... Soon's relationship with her boy , has already maintain for three years but at the end ... still sad ending.. haiz.. don't know leh ~
Soon >> you know.. I was the one that confess to him at first... and is really hard too to convince him that i really do love him, he doesn't believe me at first , and i have to try every afford of mine to tell him that i do !! love him !! trust me !!
me >> yes Soon , yes .. i know how it feels.. is like.. you really want to tell him , yes !! I love you !! so what !!? Did i do wrong on that !? I just want to tell you how much I love you and yet you do not believe me ... is that what you want to say ?
Soon >> (nooded her head again)... Is really hard to love him.. i started to feel tired of this..I try all my best to proof my love for him , everything is for him.. but then he didn't even try to appreciate what i have done for him... * sigh*..
me >> Soon ah :) , do you ever heard of others said , as for girls , do not ever confess to a guy that you like him first , they won't appreciate you de after this. I think, it was quite right about guys. :)
Soon and yap nooded their head really hard ..
me >> yes , and after these , is like you have to care much of him more than he would care much for you ... like .. a kid.
Yap nooded her head again really hard ( because she was facing this situation now)
me >> so that's why .. next time.. never ever confess yourself to a guy that you like ... you should find a guy that really love everything you have first .. and care for you much more than you care for him , that's what a girl's should have.. dignity. *sigh* learn a lesson now :)
Soon >> yes .. and yet , i did find a guy that truely loves me and could give me everything that he couldn't give... what i only want was erm ,
me >> was something really simple , but not something about the future or far far away de things , but indeed a simple promise , a simple caring , things that could makes you . happy if he couldn't promise you any hapiness now , how could he promise you for
hapiness in the future ?
Soon >> yes yes *sigh* yes !! that's what i want..i just hope he would at least care for me sometimes...
me >> is hard for you ne , you must be feeling unfair huh ? cause you had sacrifices everything including a girl's dignity , you try so hard to tolerate him to get him , to let him believes that you love him but still he doesn't understand you. and didn't try to appreciate you.
Soon>> I feel nothing but a colded heart now. So the next step , depends on him lo. If he really didn't grab the last chance.. I.. think is better breaking up than continues with him...
After school... was standing there alone , tree leaves were flowing everywhere , is ... quiet.. peaceful... it is peaceful , but , not with my heart , my heart and my feelings wasn't like that , I felt a sudden cold inside it ...is just... i wouldn't admit , telling myself that I'm still ok although i knew I was not, I m ego. This , is the peace that i could wish for , yet i wouldn't admit that i need it. Tears came out again.. *sigh* I miss him. That's what people always said about me when they do not recognize the real me , they said i look ego and cold. Like i will hide anything from anybody else and rebellion on my own. man =.=''' ( In fact i was not ) at first I really don't believe about what they've said , but now , i do believe it until when i feels myself on my own.I do look cold on the outside , but not the inside.
I ... can see how Soon's react lately , I can felt the loneliness in her , and from her eyes , i often see the sadness ... Well , was planning to ask her , but , don't know ... nah .. who am I to ask other's private ? I'll just stick to my own business , and try my best to comfort her.. if she wants to tell , she will tells me herself. But woah , didn't know that i could just make her told out everything today... and was sad...
She told much about how her boyfriend started arguing much with her , and doesn't even know the ways to comfort her , per day only a few msg to her , lost the feelings while being together lately , is like , not having a boyfriend and lives like a single , ... and then.. she cried... her tears went out , the tears ... is indeed , full of sadness , dissapointment , but also , struggle within.. from , a girl that were trying her best to be tough at this moment. I tried to help her , where there are times she couldn't describe how she feels ... i helped her by telling everything she feels.. so that she won't be struggling to tell out while still having tears in her eyes , keep rolling out like tap waters. That time , i can see the beauties in her , and all the painful moments she had been through. My heart was broken when i saw her tears running out like flows , but she was smiling... is really pain to see her like that , and was angry too , for the guy that doesn't appreciate everything she has done for him.
me >> So what do you plan then ?
Soon >> Well.. I said , better separated for a while and think properly about our relationship...
me >> good. smart girl. Still struggling hey ?
Soon >> yes.
Yap>> struggling ? well , you guys will be separate soon , so why still struggling? You still leng, start a new life over again ba ... ^^
me >> Is.. not that easy Yap... her separates doesn't mean breaking up... just separate for some while and let both side has a clearer mind about this.. actually the truth meaning is , she's letting him to grab some chances for it.
Soon >> Yes .. thanks esther. ( sobbing ) Well.. he was asking for a lunch today after school.
me >> aha.. i see.. erm .. what if , he wants you back ?
Soon >> Not .. that fast..
Yap >> Don't you want him to have you back ? You give him chances right ?
me >> No... she doesn't wants to suffer anymore... if that guy really knows what she wants.. he needed sometime to think about it.. could be better...
Soon >> man esther ( tears with smile , how cute ) , you really do know how i feel haha ! ;)
me >> yes , i do Soon. I know how you feel. Is.. indeed really painful. Is isn't a thing that mostly guys could feel it :) and is hardly for them to understand what's deep in it :) Soon , you have hide this really deep in your heart for a long while... you struggle , you pain... no one could really talk to you , cause not everyone could feel it :) so .. you just hide it .. and is really causing you crazy i know :) that's why... you cried out today.. but never mind , just cried.. is better to released some :) ...you were hurt. really hurt.
Yap >> Did you talk to him before about this ?
Soon >> I did.. but... ( tears came out again.. haiz.. i hand a tissue to her )
me >> always ended up arguing huh ?
Soon >> (nodded her head really hard ) yes .. yes .. yes ..
Yap >> ahh i knew that , is , hard... haiz...
me >> So , is better to just tolerate with him , rather than argue with him , cause if you choose to argue , he still wouldn't change at the end. It could be creating more unecessary hard feelings between you both.. that's why , you rather choosing the easy ways than choosing the hard ways...
Soon >> esther !! Wah !! you really know how i feel !! ( cries with smile again ) ( yap nodded her head really hard as well )
me >> yes , i knew that Soon..and if you choose for the easy ways , you 'll have to suffer by doubts :) and if you choose the hard way that's telling him how you feel , you both will be end up arguing.
Soon >> yes , .. he always said something like , why do you want me to change ? I m who i m ,don't change me. If you love me , pls don't change me. man esther.. I was like.. ( she did a big *sigH* and tears came out again.
me >> I know.. your heart began to felt a cold inside.. and hopeless. You were struggle between loving him or not huh ?
Soon >> (nodded her head) ... ( gosh is really pain to see her cry , i feel like protecting her for all of the sudden)
Yap>> isn't it good to just being single ? haiz..
me >> yes , i totally agree with it. Love is too hard to understand. Is really hard to maintain ones relationship... Soon's relationship with her boy , has already maintain for three years but at the end ... still sad ending.. haiz.. don't know leh ~
Soon >> you know.. I was the one that confess to him at first... and is really hard too to convince him that i really do love him, he doesn't believe me at first , and i have to try every afford of mine to tell him that i do !! love him !! trust me !!
me >> yes Soon , yes .. i know how it feels.. is like.. you really want to tell him , yes !! I love you !! so what !!? Did i do wrong on that !? I just want to tell you how much I love you and yet you do not believe me ... is that what you want to say ?
Soon >> (nooded her head again)... Is really hard to love him.. i started to feel tired of this..I try all my best to proof my love for him , everything is for him.. but then he didn't even try to appreciate what i have done for him... * sigh*..
me >> Soon ah :) , do you ever heard of others said , as for girls , do not ever confess to a guy that you like him first , they won't appreciate you de after this. I think, it was quite right about guys. :)
Soon and yap nooded their head really hard ..
me >> yes , and after these , is like you have to care much of him more than he would care much for you ... like .. a kid.
Yap nooded her head again really hard ( because she was facing this situation now)
me >> so that's why .. next time.. never ever confess yourself to a guy that you like ... you should find a guy that really love everything you have first .. and care for you much more than you care for him , that's what a girl's should have.. dignity. *sigh* learn a lesson now :)
Soon >> yes .. and yet , i did find a guy that truely loves me and could give me everything that he couldn't give... what i only want was erm ,
me >> was something really simple , but not something about the future or far far away de things , but indeed a simple promise , a simple caring , things that could makes you . happy if he couldn't promise you any hapiness now , how could he promise you for
hapiness in the future ?
Soon >> yes yes *sigh* yes !! that's what i want..i just hope he would at least care for me sometimes...
me >> is hard for you ne , you must be feeling unfair huh ? cause you had sacrifices everything including a girl's dignity , you try so hard to tolerate him to get him , to let him believes that you love him but still he doesn't understand you. and didn't try to appreciate you.
Soon>> I feel nothing but a colded heart now. So the next step , depends on him lo. If he really didn't grab the last chance.. I.. think is better breaking up than continues with him...
After school... was standing there alone , tree leaves were flowing everywhere , is ... quiet.. peaceful... it is peaceful , but , not with my heart , my heart and my feelings wasn't like that , I felt a sudden cold inside it ...is just... i wouldn't admit , telling myself that I'm still ok although i knew I was not, I m ego. This , is the peace that i could wish for , yet i wouldn't admit that i need it. Tears came out again.. *sigh* I miss him. That's what people always said about me when they do not recognize the real me , they said i look ego and cold. Like i will hide anything from anybody else and rebellion on my own. man =.=''' ( In fact i was not ) at first I really don't believe about what they've said , but now , i do believe it until when i feels myself on my own.I do look cold on the outside , but not the inside.
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